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February 27, 2016 1:15 am  #11


Re: Who have you told about your crying fetish in real life?

Thanks for the responses.  I definitely like the idea of not calling it a "fetish".   Besides, my crying thing is really more of an obsession.  A fixation.  It's like I have a "crush" on crying.  If the word "fetish" implies that this crying thing is about my sexuality, than that's definitely the wrong direction to go.  The tie-in to my sexuality feels like only ONE small aspect of this overall interest (just like my sexuality is only ONE small aspect of who Diana is!!)  

To be honest... I'm not sure it would be worthwhile to bring up this interest I hold dear only to then understate or downplay it tremendously.  To me, to just go, "I find it hot when guys cry" sounds about on par with saying, "I find it hot when guys are kind to animals" or "I find it hot when guys talk with foreign accents".  No wonder most women seem to be agreeing about male crying being hot (at least to some degree) in this context. 

Crying means so much more to me than that.  It's an infatuation.  An obsession.  Probably even more.  To be honest, I almost feel incomplete when my crying needs aren't satisfied.  And I feel a huge sense of relief after I have a good crying obs (warm and fuzzy, calm and centred).  Unfortunately, I go years between crying observations, so it's not long before the mental unrest sets in again....

The first simple definition for "fetish" on Merriam-Webster's website is: "A strong and unusual need or desire for something".  I think that definition fits my interest in crying perfectly.  Both my desire and need for it are strong and unusual.  I think the "need" part may be the key difference in why expressing it as "hot" doesn't represent how I feel about it.  There are a lot of things I find desirable or hot.  But I don't need them.   

My interest in telling people (or potential interest... as I work all this out aloud...) has nothing to do with changing the world's attitude about crying.  It's about bringing my passions into my real life so that my life is more full and vibrant.  It's about becoming a better person and bringing more energy to the drudgery of daily life.  Truthfully, I don't find too many things interesting or exciting.  I struggle daily with motivation.  I even seem to lean toward depression.  But obviously, crying is VERY exciting to me.  They always ask in therapy, what are your interests?  Try to do more of what you're interested in.  Like I said, I don't seem to have a whole lot of natural interests, but I do have this EXTREME INTEREST in crying.  Yet this passion is being hidden from the world... a rich source of ENERGY and enthusiasm in me that is not being expressed and is essentially going unused... wasted, in fact!!  Why was I given this gift if I can't use it?  Watching online clips doesn't do it for me... it may be fine for most, but I think I am meant to do more with this interest than lock myself in a room and explore it on the internet.  It doesn't feel like a hobby.  It feels like it's WHO I am.  It feels like something that should be a part of real life somehow? 

I'm wondering if I can reveal it as a passion somehow while still not scaring or putting people off.  I'm wondering how I would phrase it.  I wonder if "I'm in love with tears falling from a man's eyes, I seriously think they're the most beautiful thing in the world" is too over the top??  I could make it sound like it's a thing of beauty, like I'm appreciating art in some sense?  Or "I feel like I was born to comfort crying men... it's like it's this calling in my life?"  I'm just talking off the top of my head here... but I feel like these might lead to more interesting conversations... although the question is, again, would anyone react negatively?  Would there be negative consequences??    

The sexual aspect has been completely taken out of it in these examples, other than having to explain why I seem to be particularly focused on crying men and not women.  But I could say it's because men often need the extra nurturing that a woman can give -- it's hard for a lot of men to cry in front of another man, but they'll open up with a woman.  They really need that extra encouragement and I think it's healthy that they open up.  It's my nurturing side...

Thoughts, anyone?
 

Last edited by Diana (February 27, 2016 8:05 am)

 

February 27, 2016 2:56 pm  #12


Re: Who have you told about your crying fetish in real life?

I see so many parallels to my own love of crying in what you have written. I think my fetish is more sexual than yours and not so much about the comforting and obviously I'm into female crying more than male crying, but other than that a lot of the feelings mirror mine. You use the words, infatuation, obsession, passion to describe what crying means to you which is exactly how I feel about it. You say a crying observation makes you feel warm, fuzzy and calm - I also get these feelings along with sexual excitement. I think I can also see why you want to tell people about you love for crying. It's a big part of who Diana is, a part you believe is good and worth sharing. You have this skill this side to your personally that is hidden and it a shame because you feel you can do good if it was out in the open fully - that everyone knew that Diana 'really' likes guys when they cry. The definition you refer to does describe how I feel about crying as well - by using that definition - yes this can be describe as a fetish for both of us - we both have a fetish for crying that is similar in many ways with the odd difference here and there - it is also something we were born with, its in our genes. I would also like to be able to revel this passion, but I think I'm to scared it would be met negatively but most people. I was wondering if a woman would have more success reveling a love of crying guys than a male saying he liked women crying? And I think the answer is yes, woman with crying guys paints a picture of support and nurturing - I guy with a crying woman says control, strength vs weakness - all generalisations of course but I think what I'm saying is you have more hope of successfully going out into the open with this than me!​ That said, you asked if anyone would react negatively? I would say almost certainly yes, but would the negativity be out weighted by the positives - harder question to answer as I think it depends on the type of person you are. I obviously only know you through your words, and you come across as kind, intelligent and gentle - does that describe Diana out with the crying forum? You right I think if a guy is upset he would look to a female who he could trust and not judge him negatively for crying - someone he could trust not to say anything to anyone else, to keep his tears a secret from everyone else - someone he feels he could trust and talk to. If you are able to portray those traits to others you might just pull this off and get more male crying observations as well. Its a tricky one, and I don't have all the answers myself - might need to go away and think about this which what you have written certainly makes me feel the need to do for myself as well ! 

Last edited by tearhunter (February 27, 2016 3:02 pm)

 

February 27, 2016 11:55 pm  #13


Re: Who have you told about your crying fetish in real life?

I've told several people I'm really close to. When I was 5 and first noticing I had this fetish, I kept it to myself. I may have been little, but I knew that it was different, and it embarrassed me. But now that I'm getting older and telling more people, I'm starting to become more comfortable with expressing myself about it.

For some reason, I'll easily tell people I have a crying fetish... but I usually leave out the biggest detail, that it's more of a comforting fetish. I don't know why it makes a difference. Maybe because the latter makes me feel more "exposed"? I don't know.

Funny thing is, just the other day this one girl I don't really talk to told me about her new crush. She said that she had to comfort him while he pretended to cry in a skit they were doing, and I casually hinted my interest by saying "That's my fetish" in a jokingly manner. But to my surprise, she was like "Yeah, mine too." So sometimes, being open about it can end in surprising reactions, in a good way. I can't believe someone I knew in person shared this with me!


"Sometimes, the best way to help someone is just to be near them."
-Veronica Roth
 

March 1, 2016 9:29 am  #14


Re: Who have you told about your crying fetish in real life?

Tearhunter, your posts are so amazing... your feedback is so helpful... you are basically able to get to the heart of what I'm saying, relate to things, poke at different angles, and come up with ideas... I think with the right SPIN I may just find a whole new way of 'being' with my fetish (ahem, "passion") and expressing it in a more public way that makes me more happy as a person AND doesn't weird people out too much... the "comforting" angle seems reasonable (more about that later...).  I don't necessarily need to talk about crying directly... so many directions I could take this spin... even just getting into "vulnerability" talk somehow and go from there... remember that art display many years ago that featured photos of famous crying men?  Maybe the photographer had a crying fetish... who knows, but I'm sure their work made for some interesting conversations.  Maybe I could turn my fetish into "art" somehow, in a broad sense... 

Yowsa, I'm glad your experience with telling went so positively!  Also cool to get an example of using the word "fetish" with someone you seem to know only casually and having it go over so well.  The fact you said it jokingly made it work, I bet... I think the tone probably matters more than any particular word or phrase... 

I have so much more to say... but it doesn't seem to be coming out coherently... I keep typing and deleting and typing and deleting paragraphs of stuff... arrrgh... sometimes I just can't narrow down what I have to say or say it how I want to say it...

Will have to try again...

One thing I want to address (or confess?) though is how I don't think I have a comforting fetish so much as a taking-care-of-the-person fetish... there is a difference in the power dynamics... more tomorrow...

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March 2, 2016 8:00 am  #15


Re: Who have you told about your crying fetish in real life?

So I will be honest... this is something I would ONLY tell you guys... I think that I've been using the wrong word for a while now.  It's pretty close, but I think "comforting" doesn't quite describe the interactive side of my fetish as well as it could.  It's been a convenient word to use for lack of a better one, and comforting is something I would gladly do because I'm a nice person (when people need comfort, I'm more than happy to offer it!!)  But as for the fetish/fantasy me... well... http://cdn.boardhost.com/emoticons/devious.png

I'm mostly about watching the crier's helplessness because my crying fetish is about vulnerability, right?  Well, the second I go and actually comfort him, I am almost making him less vulnerable because it's like I'm helping him feel better or helping lift him up.  What I actually want to do (fantasy-me, that is... not real-me) is hold onto or carry his pain for him (basically allowing him to expel it onto me, lifting his emotional burden for him), but remain in charge and not actually empower him, because then his vulnerability would start to diminish again!!!  Which sounds terrible, I know.   But at least I want to treat his vulnerability in a nurturing sort of way, so it could be worse!  I want to be his protector, basically.  I want to take care of him while he's totally helpless in my lap or my arms.  I want to be a safe place where he can collapse and let go.  But I want all the strength to come from me...

I guess it could be an empowering situation for a man if he willingly chose to be like this, and that would be the best because then I wouldn't have to feel GUILTY that he wanted to become powerless in this way.  I dunno, the things I talk about still sound very close to comforting,  but I think a "taking care of" someone fetish might describe my kink better than a "comforting" fetish.  Taking care of emphasizes his dependence on me and need for me to help him.  I guess I feel like comforting sounds like more of an optional side role that has a slightly more equal status (even though it's still unbalanced) with more focus on trying to lift him up and less focus on his vulnerability.  But I couldn't toy with someone's emotions of course, so if someone didn't seem to be open to exploring that head space naturally, I would go ahead with standard comforting rather than encourage them to let go all their power and cry even harder on me...

Like I said, this is not an angle I'd go public with, but I can't deny that fetish-me's main driver is vulnerability.  I guess I have gone WAY off-topic here, but I apparently had to get that out of my system!  Perhaps I feel the need to explain that my desires to comfort someone are not as "nice" as they might sound.  Not sure why I want to do this.  Maybe it's to relieve some guilt?  I do not intentionally misrepresent myself, but gosh darnit, I've always sounded too nice when I talk about comforting.  Let's face it, I am thinking about the high of getting a crying observation.  An up-close observation.  My comforting desire is therefore a relatively selfish motive.  Not to mention that it's a sexual fetish no matter how much I keep trying to downplay that side of it.  Ugh... maybe I SHOULD continue to keep it all to myself... maybe "sugar-coating" or misrepresenting it is only being manipulative... I dunno... I hope not, but... aaaugh... http://cdn.boardhost.com/emoticons/errr.png

Well, there is ONE consolation -- for a guy who actually wanted to enter a very vulnerable state with a woman, I would be a godsend.  An ideal match.  Someone who wouldn't interfere with his crying but would encourage more of it and very gently take care of him through that letting go process, wrapping my arms around him and wiping his tears, surrounding him with strength and stability and a place to "fall to pieces" with someone stronger than him who can basically hold him together so he doesn't have to use his energy doing it and can focus fully on the letting go (I am not the sort who bursts into tears just because someone else is crying... actually, I think I'm probably less likely than most...)

Well, gonna post this even though it feels very VULNERABLE to do so... gotta figure out who the heck I am...

EDIT:  Now that I start picture this situation for real, I feel a bit better... I can't imagine just leaving a guy all sad... I would still end our time together by telling him how great he was, no matter what... I HAVE to make him feel like he is special and wonderful and so cared about... and that would automatically build him up... phew, I have a heart after all!!!  And those happy tears he might shed from feeling that I truly thought he was great might be the best ones of all... because they would be the bonding kind... http://cdn.boardhost.com/emoticons/love.png

Sorry for the big rambling guilt trip... funny how you don't see the good in yourself sometimes and assume the worst about yourself...

Last edited by Diana (March 2, 2016 8:50 am)

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March 2, 2016 5:59 pm  #16


Re: Who have you told about your crying fetish in real life?

I think I understand. For me, it's more about comforting being what leads him to let go and cry, like he's holding back as hard as he can but when I start to comfort him his defenses come down and he's crying in spite of himself.


"We have our stalking memories, and they will demand their rightful tears."
Anonymous
 

March 3, 2016 8:24 am  #17


Re: Who have you told about your crying fetish in real life?

caircair wrote:

I think I understand. For me, it's more about comforting being what leads him to let go and cry, like he's holding back as hard as he can but when I start to comfort him his defenses come down and he's crying in spite of himself.

Ahhh, that is an excellent point!  Comforting doesn't necessarily lead to less vulnerability and crying, it often leads to MORE, especially at the beginning -- thanks for reminding me of that!!  Quite a lovely scenario you have described.  I frequently oscillate between fighting-back-the-tears-but-reluctantly-losing-the-battle fantasies and collapsing-in-my-arms-because-he-surrenders/trusts-me fantasies... have a soft side for both... http://cdn.boardhost.com/emoticons/love.png
 
Anyway, what an awesome power comforting holds.  And it all looks so innocent, too!!! http://cdn.boardhost.com/emoticons/wink.png
  

Last edited by Diana (March 3, 2016 8:25 am)

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March 3, 2016 10:28 am  #18


Re: Who have you told about your crying fetish in real life?

I think I understand you as well - very in-depth post! Your 'passion' for crying is quite complex so I'm not surprised you find it difficult to explain and sort out how you would bring it out into the open in a way others would understand in a positive rather than in a negative way.

​You feel that your passion for crying consists of the vulnerability and helplessness of the crier, your ability and need to take care of the crier - both of which are empathic and supporting acts - they are non-judgemental - basically saying, hey if you need to cry without fear of embarrassment, to be supported and looked after, to let your defenses fall down completely I'm the woman who can look after while your in that vulnerable and helpless state - in fact I'm the best woman on the planet at looking after crying guys! http://cdn.boardhost.com/emoticons/wink.png
 But you have a darker side. You want your subject to fall apart - you perhaps what him to put up a bit of a fight, a desperate last gasp attempt at holding on to his emotions, but eventually you want him to lose that battle and fall into that sad / low place. Because I guess we need to be clear these are not happy tears or tears shed out of relief (or could they be?) they are sad, low mood, at a loss type of crying. This first part to your 'dark side' is not all bad. If someone is down and in a desperate place they sometimes need to go down before they can come back up. So, encouraging a guy on the verge to tears to ultimately completely lose it and burst into a flood of uncontrollable tears is perhaps exactly what the crier needs to do. I believe crying is a good thing to do when you are low, it's a generalisation of course and during the crying or immediately after you probably feel really rubbish but I think eventually, and it may require a few crying events you do see a positive effect. So, I don't think wanting your emotional guy to go to that vulnerable crying state is all bad. You then would like him to stay there for a while - don't pull yourself together to quickly. Again, it's probably a good thing that the crier gets it out of his system - cry it all out! - better out than in! But, this would be the difficult part, (it is for me) drawing line between 'encouraging' the tears to flow because the crier needs to get it out of their system and you actively prolonging his crying for your own gratification. That's were it can become damaging to the crier and where you as the comforter crosses the line in term of being helpful. I don't necessarily believe your enjoyment (if that's the right word) of witnessing a guy crying is heart out is all that evil a thing! As long as it's not noticeable, as long as you are still offering comfort to the crier, that it still, at least on the surface looks like you are there solely for his benefit. If underneath you are adoring his vulnerability, his helplessness, his inability to control his emotions - well as long as he's not aware of his is that a problem, after all you are still supporting him and comforting him which is good for him. I sometime think you have to love tears to offer the right level and duration of support to someone crying. Otherwise you would get bored and try and get them to stop crying which might no be helpful. I can understand your feelings of guilt at perhaps encouraging the tears for you enjoyment, the fact that there is also a sexual side, that while you are comforting this poor sobbing guy you are getting physically turned on feels wrong. But, the balance to that is I'm I still ultimately being helpful to this person - if the answer is yes - great, thumbs up! - take your enjoyment as a sort of payment for your support http://cdn.boardhost.com/emoticons/happy.png
 Where you would need to be careful is any physical aspects of your comforting. Obviously it's generally acceptable to hug, up an arm around anyone who is crying, male or female. But, only with the closest of friends or family could you wipe tears away without reviling that you 'like' the tears, that this is a sexual thing for you and it would potentially lead to the discovery of any physical signs that you are getting turned on. That might become a future frustration - these guys cry in front of me but I can't fulfil my desires - so frustrating! Anyway I've probably rambling on for too long... but just to finish... yes I reckon I would love you to comfort me - because if recent events I reckon I'd be the perfect guy to go to that emotional, vulnerable, tearful place and allow you to take care of me. Only one problem, I'd like you to start crying because I was crying - I'd like to see your tears flowing as well http://cdn.boardhost.com/emoticons/wink.png
 There is a very special connection when two people cry together - very powerful!​        

Last edited by tearhunter (March 3, 2016 10:40 am)

 

March 3, 2016 5:56 pm  #19


Re: Who have you told about your crying fetish in real life?

One thing I got from reading this post is that, possibly, for me the act of comforting a crier is also a secondhand catharsis. Speaking for myself, I loathe crying so I tend to hold back until I simply can't restrain it anymore. But once I let go and let it all out, the relief is so overwhelming than I almost feel "reborn". Yet even though I know I'll feel much better, I still prefer to hold back rather than cry in the first place.


"We have our stalking memories, and they will demand their rightful tears."
Anonymous
 

March 3, 2016 9:52 pm  #20


Re: Who have you told about your crying fetish in real life?

I understand that feeling of catharsis, Caircair... it feels good even for those of us who don't tend to hold back... though maybe it feels even better for you... hope you get lots of crying obs...

tearhunter wrote:

Because I guess we need to be clear these are not happy tears or tears shed out of relief (or could they be?) they are sad, low mood, at a loss type of crying.

They can definitely be happy tears or tears of relief tears as well... I guess I didn't explore those possibilities in my last post!!!  One type of happy tears that I fantasize about regularly that immediately comes to mind is when he's crying because he's thankful that I was there for him when he needed someone.  He looks at me with big tears of gratitude spilling out of his eyes and a slightly embarrassed smile on his face as he reaches out to thank me... his slightly embarrassed smile still betrays his vulnerability... and the gratitude shown to me still keeps my power intact... there is a bonding aspect to this situation that REALLY turns me on too... I guess we have been somewhere deep together, somewhere intimate and, when we lock eyes, while he is now feeling the huge sense of relief, we are still acknowledging that emotional journey we were just on... eye contact is huge... and intimacy... I am NOT turned on by "sadness"... sadness is, well, sad... let me explain...  

I think I am in love with "drama" (not the catty kind... the real, authentic kind) so in that sense, tears of relief are just not going to be as "dramatic" if he didn't go down before he came back up....also, I hate to say it, but sad tears are usually more "dramatic" than happy tears... there just seem to be a lot more of them and a lot more of the broken speech that goes with them, etc... having said that, I can also get turned on by purely happy tears, although I really want them directed at me... like, I am married, but I guess in my fantasy world, I would love a guy to fall in love with me so hard that when we would look into each other's eyes, he would start weeping... I think it may be the oxytocin that gets me there, although I get turned on too, so not sure what the chemistry is there... I am really into bonding... to witness crying while comforting at the same creates a special bond, so it's twice as powerful than just the crying on its own... 

I told this story years ago, but it bears repeating.  Back when I was single (and braver!), I was sort of seeing (not even sure if you could call it that) a guy, and we used to play a crying game together.  He didn't know I had the fetish, but I just told him what I wanted to do and he went for it!!  We would just stare into each other's eyes and take turns seeing if we could make ourselves cry and how quickly we could get there... not actual tears falling down, but just the slightest bit of increased moisture in the eyes counted as a victory... just a flicker of emotion... you can see it in someone's eyes if you're looking closely... but we were feeling things for each other, so these were all happy tears... it was amazing...

I still think one could actually try a "crying game" of sorts with more general audience if one dared!!  You could turn it into a party game, haha.  Sit around a table and get everyone to try to cry and whoever sheds a tear first gets to take a drink, hahaha.  I wonder if there is already a card game or board game for this in Japan... wouldn't surprise me...  Of course you would get your cheaters... those who just held their eyes open as long as possible without blinking so their eyes would start to water... but it would probably still look hot... http://cdn.boardhost.com/emoticons/tongue.png

tearhunter wrote:

... but just to finish... yes I reckon I would love you to comfort me - because if recent events I reckon I'd be the perfect guy to go to that emotional, vulnerable, tearful place and allow you to take care of me.

You are the ideal type of crying partner!  There is definitely something to be said for being able to guarantee a crying observation with someone.  I "chased" a guy (in essence) years ago and I will NEVER do that again.  He didn't know about my fetish, but I kept hoping to make the "magical situation" happen.  He really seemed like he had something emotional to get out of his system, but I could never get him past the initial eyes-dropping-to-the-floor-sighing phase.  He'd always say what was bothering him but then, boom, he'd be onto the next subject.  But with someone like you (probably because you know about my fetish), things would go much, much differently!  And yes, I'd be able to cry with you myself!  I can't imagine it being too difficult.  Anyway, I am so glad you are getting lots of comforting in your real life!!!

    

Last edited by Diana (March 3, 2016 10:10 pm)

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