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February 24, 2012 4:59 pm  #1

The fetish and the relationship

So, BadCr raised a really interesting point in the poll thread about relationships. What role does the fetish play in your actual romantic life? As far as I know, Tearhunter is the only one with a partner who is really on board and cool with the fetish (very interested in how that came to be)..... what about the rest of you?

For me, it's a little messy. My boyfriend is the only person I have ever told, and the act of telling him ended up being unexpectedly traumatic for me. I screwed up. I really wasn't ready to tell anyone. Instead of explaining it as a harmless, if weird, fetish, I was sobbing, "I'm a freak, I'm a freak, I'm a freak." So of course he was startled and upset, and we haven't really mentioned it since. It took me a while to get him to believe that I'm still the same girl he knew and loved, not some deviant monster.

But the fetish is still such a small part of who I am, and every other part of me just sings with joy when I'm with him (sorry to be corny), so it's absolutely something I'm willing to compromise on. I very much enjoy sex, so it doesn't get in the way there.

What are your thoughts?

It is such a secret place, the land of tears.
-- Antoine de Saint Exupery, "The Little Prince"

February 24, 2012 8:09 pm  #2

Re: The fetish and the relationship

Great topic of discussion! My boyfriend is another one who is completely cool with my fetish. I sort of eased into telling him because I was (apparently unnecessarily) apprehensive about my confession. I first told him that I just really liked men who were more emotional and didn't have to act "macho," which was good because he's much like that. Then, eventually, I confessed my fetish, and I gradually told him the extent of it. He thought it was fascinating. He tells me that he actually really loves it because he's always been a bit uptight about being an emotional guy (partly because his parents tried to repress him and such), and he feels he can relax around me because I accept and love that part of him so fully. He readily cries around me when he's feeling upset, and he loves being comforted. He also happens to be extremely comforting when I'm upset, so it's nice to share that emotional bond with him.

He says he'd love to roleplay within my fetish, but the couple of times we tried, it seemed fake and a little odd. The fake tears didn't really arouse me. It doesn't get in the way of sex for me either; we have a normal sexual life outside my fetish. He also has a mild fetish, but it's a much more common one that plays into regular sexual relations.

Meantangerine, if you don't mind my asking, you said that you haven't mentioned it since you told him, but judging by your observations, it seems that the knowledge didn't actually make him uncomfortable about crying in front of you. Is that how it seems? Your boyfriend seems like such a sweet guy, btw, and I'm glad he makes you so happy! I'm sorry you had such a traumatic experience!


February 26, 2012 6:10 pm  #3

Re: The fetish and the relationship

Absolutely no one in the whole world knows about my fetish for crying men. It hasn't even crossed my mind to tell my husband...I don't know why, but some how I feel that this is a part of me that is just mine. It's for no one else. I don't want anyone, not even my husband, to know me completely. It's like I treasure some part of me that is just mine...
I really don't feel the need to tell anyone, exept for you guys in the forum...but here no one will ever know me, so it's okay. I do love to have someone to discuss the fetish with
Did this even make sense to anyone?

Tears are words the heart can't express...

February 28, 2012 12:36 am  #4

Re: The fetish and the relationship

Suckerformanlytears, I totally understand how you feel. In general, I wish I hadn't told my boyfriend, and I really admire your ability to have something that is totally yours. I really like the way you explain it. It's beautiful, actually.

And carrotcake, when I saw that he wasn't going to be cool with it, I sort of aborted the explanation short of its full extent. So he is still comfortable crying in front of me, to the extent that any man is going to be comfortable crying at all. And not to toot my own horn, but I know he really loves the way I comfort, so that makes it easier for him.
That's awesome that your boyfriend is so cool with it. He sounds like a great guy. I'm also impressed that you managed to explain it in such a gradual, nonthreatening way. That's where I failed, haha. I just had no idea that saying it out loud would bring out all those crazy insecurities.

It is such a secret place, the land of tears.
-- Antoine de Saint Exupery, "The Little Prince"
     Thread Starter

March 5, 2012 10:56 pm  #5

Re: The fetish and the relationship

I have only been in two relationships so far, and both persons have known about the fetish. Both seemed fairly cool with it, possibly because both times I dithered for ages about disclosing the particular sexual fetish I have, and repeatedly said it was kind of weird, so when I eventually came out with it they were probably relieved that it was quite harmless!

Neither have offered to try to gratify the fetish for me, which I don't think I'd want anyway - I'd feel a bit strange, I think. The first boyfriend had cried in front of me before and did so on occasion afterwards as well without seeming to feel any differently about it. My current boyfriend, from what I gather, cries very rarely and has never done so in my presence. Which actually heightens my fantasies quite considerably; his emotional stoicism just makes the idea of him actually breaking down in front of me even more hot. I'm happy for it to stay as fantasy for the time being, because although I obviously can't help wanting to see him cry, I wouldn't wish him to be upset and am happy that he's happy. I can get some kind of gratification through other forms of vulnerability - watching him sleeping, cuddling him with me in the 'manly' position, having staring contests with him where his eyes water enough for him to shed irritant tears. I don't think I'd ever want to bring the fetish into our sex life, but I do hope that if he ever felt like he wanted to cry when I was around, he wouldn't restrain himself.


March 6, 2012 9:22 pm  #6

Re: The fetish and the relationship

Yes, my wife is ok with my crying fetish - she kind of accepts it's part of who I am, although she does not share the fetish at all.

I have to be careful at times, if she is very upset and crying she does not want to be reminded that I have a crying fetish and may be getting turned on by her tears.
But, this is not really a problem as I immediately switch into 'looking after mode' anyway and make sure I'm there for whatever is upsetting her.
However, I do watch her tears fall when she is crying and replay it back in my mind later without the reasons for the tears - get to enjoy them in my own mind!

It helps that we both trust each other and are completely open and honest with each other - if either of us feels like crying we do - we have each witness the other crying on countless occasions.
We also have no embarrassment at all when we cry - it's rare for either of us to wipe our own tears away, they are just left to roll down our cheeks unchecked. It's generally the other one that wipes or kisses the tears away.
Although my wife does not share in my fetish she feels comforted if I kiss or wipe tears from her face - obviously lots of hugs are provided as well.

I think my wife guessed I had an 'interest' in tears before I actually told her! Fairly early in our relationship she was crying in front of a film - tears streaming down her face unchecked.
It was not the first time I had seen her cry but probably the first time it was not for anything that was really hurting her. I went to give her a hug and as our bodies touched she noticed I was very turned on !!

I eventully told her during another 'happy' crying event - she had been promoted at work and was very happy and relieved and very unexpected she burst into tears as she told me - I think the relief hit her.
She looked stunning - huge smile, big wet blue eyes and tears rolling down her cheeks. As I held and kissed her I think I said something like "I love your tears so much" - she simply said I know.
Five minutes later we where making love - which although she had stopped crying by that point her eyes where still teary and her face still wet - lovely !

Since then she will let me indulge in her tears as long as the time is right and the reasons for her crying are not too serious.


March 12, 2012 2:19 pm  #7

Re: The fetish and the relationship

tearhunter U ARE LUCKY DUUDE


March 13, 2012 12:59 am  #8

Re: The fetish and the relationship

I worked it with one guy.  He was so eager to please me that it worked.  I felt a little bad after things ended between us as it seemed as though I had made all these strange weird demands on him and he had no strange fetishes of his own that I could indulge in return.  But at the time, it certainly worked -- he just had enough of an open mind (and heart!) that he could, with the right timing and mood, get some tears flowing for me now and then.  And like I said, he really wanted to do anything to make me happy, which helped.  Even before he would succeed at it, the fact that he was simply willing to let his guard down and go to painful places for me was CRAZY SEXY, but I think it depends on the guy/person.  It's not like he laid there with his mouth hanging open "trying" to cry in some totally cringy-worthy way.  He just had this completely open way about him in general -- basically like, yeah, I cry sometimes, I get those feelings, and if the tears start to come while we talk about certain stuff that sometimes gets to me, I'll share them with you.  So I was basically allowed to go ahead and see if I could get him to cry whenever we were hanging out together.  And I'd hold him and comfort him and say wow a lot when it happened, because it was pretty wow.   I mean, it wasn't like gut-wrenching meltdowns or anything, but it was pretty intense because it was like, complete transparency, you know?  That's intimacy.  That's SEXY.  He showed me his pain and I got to touch it.  Raw, honest, and On Demand.  SEXY!!!!

Last edited by woundedpuppy (March 13, 2012 1:30 am)


March 13, 2012 2:28 am  #9

Re: The fetish and the relationship

Wow, woundedpuppy, that is pretty incredible. What was his crying like?

It is such a secret place, the land of tears.
-- Antoine de Saint Exupery, "The Little Prince"
     Thread Starter

March 14, 2012 12:49 am  #10

Re: The fetish and the relationship

His eyes would start to moisten up slowly.  There was no hiding it from me and no embarrassment that I can recall.  The openness between us was what made it special.  We would basically be looking at each other before it started, during it and after it.  If not, I guess he would probably be looking up at the ceiling thinking about whatever it was that he was thinking about.  I would help push his buttons, though in an open, gentle sort of way, trying to find any underlying layers of hurt beneath his usually bubbly exterior.  I remember saying wow over and over when it would start (I was just so amazed on so many levels) and studying his face (it was just so mesmerizing to me), then hugging him and always thanking him over and over.  It was a long time ago so I probably would have been able to have described more details back then.  I guess we probably let any spillage of tears roll down his cheeks.  Actually, he'd almost always be lying flat on his back in his bed and I'd be hovering over him, so I guess the tears might have spilled out the corners of his eyes towards his ears/hair.  I wish I could remember.  I may have wiped them for him.  I might have even used tissues to do it.  I honestly don't remember for sure, but he just laid there passively and let me do whatever I wanted, essentially.  He knew to just let his emotions wash over him and wallow in them and if he needed anything, I guess he probably would have asked me.  I don't remember if he ever asked me if we could stop.  If he had, I definitely would have stopped right away.  I do remember his chin trembling a little bit.  Actually, I think I remember him saying that he was a wee bit self-conscious about that part or didn't like it or couldn't control it or something like that.  I remember holding it still with my hand one time to see what would happen, and what happened was that immediately another part of him started trembling (I forget which part, but we both laughed when it happened).  I don't remember what his crying voice or breathing or sighing sounded like (ahhh, wish I did!!!!!), but he wasn't crying "hard" during these times, so it might not have been that different than normal.  I think my favorite parts were right at the beginning, though (the first drops of moisture in the eyes), because it was like the biggest thrill to break through.  The moment of success, the exact moment I was always waiting for (watching him tip over the edge) and he was always looking right at me, exposing his heart to me 100%.  And the other favorite part was the hugging/comforting, of course, and trying to keep the tears going and playing with that delicate edge (once you've broken through, it's easier to keep tipping them back over, even if they've temporarily stopped crying).   Oh man.  I could have just done that stuff forever.  I don't know when I could have grown tired of it.  But I don't know how long it could have gone on had we stayed together very long.  I'd imagine he'd have grown tired of it eventually.

Last edited by woundedpuppy (March 14, 2012 1:16 am)


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