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November 6, 2016 7:03 pm  #1


why did you stop crying?

A lot of you people on the board tend not to cry themselves. I would like to know why you stopped crying because as kids we all cry until a certain age.
​I go first and tell you some of my earlier crying experiences which made me to stop crying myself.
​As a matter of fact I was a good pupil, came out of a intact familiy and didn't have a lot to worry about. Maybe we were not rich, I didn't get new clothes, just second hand and sometimes we just had potatoes to eat because there was no money left to buy anything else, but generally I guess I didn't have a reason to be sad or cry a lot. When I grew older and was around 7 or 8 years old my grandma started bothering my mom with suicide. Grandma called all the time and wanted to spend time with us, otherwise she would kill herself and blame us for it. Not an easy situation especially for my mother, who wanted to protect me. I learned later, that my grandmother also had a suicide attempt when my mother was still at School. My mom found her coming home after school when she tried to kill herself with her gas stove.  Grandma died eventually around that time and we guess up until now, that she took some sleeping pills to take her life.
​Around that time my mom got depressed too and didn't have the empathy to understand a first grader like I was. I remember that one time I was crying in front of her which was the last time I just let the emotions go, because there was no comfort from her, so why cry?
​I came home from school and cried because the others teased me because of my good grades. I told her that I felt like a puppet just doing what everyone wanted from me but not being able to be myself. I was sitting in front of the piano and my mom draged my away, holding me on my clothes (not touching my body, just the clothes....) because she didn't want to fall my tears on the keyboard. She carried me to my bed and threw me on the mattress not being able to console me.
​No accusation, I am a grown up now, going my own way, standing on my own feet, my mom still living, still depressed and I wouldn't be astonished if she took her own life one day, just like her mother did. But at that time it was the last time I cried in front of her. Up until now I am not able to cry in front of others, I can't remember a single time I was comforted by somebody. I posted before, there are some times I cried, once in front of a therapist and surely once or twice in front of my husband.
​Now I would be interested if you have similar experiences why your tears dried out and you don't cry anymore. I hope it is not too personal :-( Otherwise just excuse me and don't answer!!

 

November 6, 2016 7:07 pm  #2


Re: why did you stop crying?

I dislike it. It makes my nose run and eyes itch. It's like having a head cold.


"Bless me now with your fierce tears..."
 

November 6, 2016 10:20 pm  #3


Re: why did you stop crying?

I was an only child for six and a half years, then we adopted my brother, then six months after that my sister was born. I went from being relatively unencumbered by expectations to having to be the good example and surrogate parent for the siblings. I grew up hearing things like "Oh, stop being so dramatic! Why are you crying, there's nothing to cry about? You need to stop crying and show your brother/sister how to behave."

I was never allowed to cry - others could, but my reason for being was to help others, serve others, think of others' needs before my own. I was basically to ignore my needs, after all, I didn't matter - only others did.

As you can tell, I still harbor a lot of resentment about having that foisted upon me. I basically stopped crying because I was belittled or punished when I did - and as NeedHerSobs mentioned, I loathe the feeling of being unable to breathe through my nose after a bout of tears.


"We have our stalking memories, and they will demand their rightful tears."
Anonymous
 

November 7, 2016 1:40 am  #4


Re: why did you stop crying?

I always keep nasal spray around just for that stuffed nose issue.  That's the only part of crying object to.

 

November 9, 2016 1:56 am  #5


Re: why did you stop crying?

flatter:  Not having anything much to contribute to this thread regarding myself, let me just say that I am very sorry for the situation with your mom.  It sounds quite traumatic, to say the least.

 

November 9, 2016 10:39 pm  #6


Re: why did you stop crying?

Thank you for your kind words whitetulip. Everybody has to carry his burden. Sometimes it just gets to me but luckily I am quite a happy person not coming after my mom. I am just afraid that my kids got something and always try to raise them in an "easy and happy" manner.

     Thread Starter
 

November 19, 2016 1:57 am  #7


Re: why did you stop crying?

I can't remember why or when I stopped.  There might be an insightful story there, if I could only remember ha

 

November 24, 2016 4:12 pm  #8


Re: why did you stop crying?

So recently I more or less had my husband take our old, sick dog to be euthanized by himself.  I told him I didn't want to be there. I couldn't. For two reasons,  1) the overall unpleasantness/misery/sadness/discomfort with death etc., and 2) my phobia of being seen crying

He said it was ok I didn't go but I still feel kind of bad

 

November 24, 2016 4:22 pm  #9


Re: why did you stop crying?

Did you cry at home?


Ugly crying is pretty crying
 

November 24, 2016 6:20 pm  #10


Re: why did you stop crying?

Well my whole thing is: not much makes me want to cry anyway, even if something finally does make me tear up I'm good at fighting it, and on the rare occasion some slips out I've always been able to make sure its when I'm alone.

So to answer the question,  not much, ha.

 

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