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December 17, 2017 6:30 am  #1

It’s Fine (m/m)

short indulgent story i’ve been sitting on for a week or so. tw for implications of abuse, mentions of suicide. also some language, but i don’t think anyone cares much about that. the dynamic between briar and crow can be read as either romantic or closely platonic, either way.

“…you know it’s okay to cry, right?”
“Ha- no, no, it’s fine. I’m… fine. Don’t worry.”
Briar glanced at Crow, fidgeting with the cuffs on his sleeve.
“It’s- It’s okay to not be okay. We both went through something traumatic. I mean… something like that…” Briar ran his thumb over a deep purple bruise on his cheek, eyes welling up slightly. “…We’re safe now. It’s okay. You don’t have to be strong anymore.”
Crow snorted, laughing and turning away from Briar. “That what your therapist tells you? Got any other inspirational quotes you found on fucking Tumblr? It’s fine. I don’t… I wasn’t pretending to be strong. I am strong.” He paused, as if to reassure himself. “…I am strong.”
“…okay. I… trust you. But…” Briar sighed, propping himself against a nearby tree. “…well, never mind.”
Crow fell silent, staring off into the distance. He rubbed his arm, feeling ghosts of bruises that had since healed.
“I’m fine, Bri,” he replied sharply, a hint of shakiness to his voice. “Ha- better than fine. Great, even.”
“I- …if you say so.” Briar curled in on himself, his next words coming out barely louder than a whisper. “Crow? …why did it have to happen? Why didn’t anyone do anything about it? Drew, he… it took him trying to fling himself off of the roof of the dorms for someone to even care about it…”
“I don’t know, Bri. But that fucker’s in jail now, and he’s staying in jail for a long time. So. It’s fine. We’re… fine. We can’t undo the past. It’s not our fault.” Another pause. “…not our fault.”
“…sorry,” Briar whispered, “‘m sorry for bringing this up, I just- can’t stop thinking about it…”
“It’s fine, I… I can’t either. Every time I step into that damn classroom…” Crow let out another laugh, one that sounded shakier than he would have liked. He brought his hands to cover his face, feeling it heat up.
“…Crow? Are you…”
“No.” The raven-haired boy exhaled through his fingers. “No. It’s… fine. Fine.”
Briar ran a hand through his own blond locks, hazel eyes shimmering with suspended tears.
“I’m sorry-“
“Stop apologizing.” Crow pressed his palms against his eyes. “Stop… thinking about it. Stop thinking… stop… fuck,” he hissed, “st-stop…”
He hid his face further, though the shake of his shoulders was evident. His breathy sobs were barely audible.
“C-Crow,” Briar started, gently trying to pull the other boy’s hands away from his face.
“Don’t look at me! Don’t touch me, I- I’m not… not w-weak…”
His voice rose in pitch at the last syllable. Crow scrubbed at his eyes aggressively, as if he could push the tears back in and re-jar the parts of himself that he had allowed to spill. Briar took a step closer, gingerly wrapping his arms around the other.
“It’s- It’s okay, Crow, I’m here… We can be strong together…”
Crow hugged Briar back, gripping the fabric of his sweater, as if he would disappear without the other as his anchor. He pressed his head into the blond’s chest as his small frame shook with increasingly intense sobs, noisy and messy.
“Wh-why did he,” he hiccuped, “have to f-fucking ruin u-us like he di-id? It’s… n-not fair…”
“It’s not… I know, it’s not fair at all…” Briar stroked Crow’s head gently, a few tears of his own slipping free. “It’s not our fault, Crow…”
“Bu-ut we still s-suffer for it li-ike it is, I h-hate it,” he sobbed, “I ca-an’t stop th-thinking about it, it w-won’t stop repl-playing over a-and over, I-“
He cut himself off with another choked sob, burying his face further into Briar’s chest.
“S-sometimes I wish it wa-as me who fucking j-jumped off th-the roof…”
Briar held Crow tighter to his body, his own eyes red-rimmed and teary.
“Don’t say that, Crow,” he mumbled into the other’s soft, dark hair, “I don’t… I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
They stood like that for a few minutes, Briar softly stroking Crow’s head while the smaller one sobbed hard into his chest.
When Crow had calmed down enough to speak, he awkwardly pulled away from Briar.
“…s-sorry,” he mumbled in a shaky voice, “for, y’know… soaking your shirt or whatever.”
“Crow, it’s fine. You don’t have to apologize for this… I’m glad I was able to be here for you. It must have been so hard bottling this up all this time…”
“No, it’s just… me being weak again…”
“Don’t say that. You’re strong. Even the strongest people cry sometimes. And… hey, look at me,” Briar said, locking eyes with Crow, “if you really meant that you wanted to jump off the roof… if you ever feel like that again… please. Please talk to me. I… don’t want to think about how I’d keep going on without you.”
“Y-yeah… yeah. But promise me one thing, okay?”
“Never tell anyone I cried about this. Ever.”


December 17, 2017 5:22 pm  #2

Re: It’s Fine (m/m)

Touching story, seems as two teenagers, closer friends, ashamed for crying in front of each other. Keep it up, well written.


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