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November 16, 2018 2:47 am  #1


crying in therapy self-obs (f)

I've been a lurker on this forum for a looong time, so I thought I'd post a self-obs just to test the waters.

Before I start, I do want to say that if this topic gets positive feedback, I have PLENTY more observations to share--mostly about myself. What can I say--being deathly terrified of crying in front of others while also being a fairly emotional person makes for some interesting circumstances.

This obs happened almost two years ago, in January. My family and I went through a traumatic incident (which is too personal to share here) a few months before, and my mom told me that if I wanted to see someone professional and talk to them about what happened, she would schedule the appointment. After some deliberation, I decided that I wanted to see a therapist.
I went to see the therapist. She was an older woman, maybe in her sixties, and she felt really cold and distant to me. We talked about the traumatic incident, and I was fine. No tears. Then, we started talking about other things from my past, like how many times I moved as a kid and teenager. We talked about the last time I moved, which was from one state to the state I live in now, and we somehow got on the subject of my old friends--the ones I left behind when I moved.
Quick BACKSTORY: my old friends and I lost touch soon after I moved. There was one time when I visited the state I moved from, and I attempted to contact my old friends. I texted both of them, but one of the numbers turned out to be a landline, and my other friend didn't respond to my text. I was too socially anxious to call the landline. So, I tried my best to forget about my attempt to reconnect.
The therapist asked me a question or two about my old friends. Surprisingly, I felt a swell of emotion ballooning in my chest. I became really hot, a lump formed in my throat, and my eyes filled up with tears. As I mentioned earlier, I'm terrified of shedding tears in front of others, so I fought with all my strength against the emotions and tried to take deep breaths.
In the meantime, the therapist didn't say much--she just moved a nearby tissue box closer to me. Despite the fact that I don't usually use tissues, and I was trying NOT to cry, I took one. I didn't say anything for a few minutes--I knew that if I talked any more on the subject, I would definitely shed tears. I collected myself, and by the time I was "out of the woods" crying-wise, our session was over. I dried the corner of my eyes and quickly tossed the tissue into a trash can so that my mom wouldn't walk in and know that I almost cried.
And that's about it. I know that I didn't really shed any tears, but I figured that I'd start out with one of my smaller observations. If you guys have any questions, feel free to ask.
(One more thing: Is my style of writing too stiff? Should I include more details?)


Still, by the clock's revolution each hour,
I dissolve into tears about ev'ry half hour.
 

November 16, 2018 1:36 pm  #2


Re: crying in therapy self-obs (f)

I am glad you finally posted a self obs, I relate to you in not crying in front of anyone, except my wife, I find it interesting that even though you were in therapy, which is an environment where you are allowed, if I might say, even supposed to cry, yet you fought the tears.
Therapists are used to seeing patients cry, the therapist definitely noticed when you were about to cry, so she responded with the tissue.
Anyways, I really liked the way you wrote it, I do hope to read more of your obs.
Have a wonderful weekend.

 

November 16, 2018 2:28 pm  #3


Re: crying in therapy self-obs (f)

Yeah, I had a bad experience with crying when I was little, so it’s extremely difficult to let myself cry in front of someone else—even a therapist. I’ve only let myself cry once in front of my current therapist, and I was really surprised I was able to do that. Maybe I’ll write about that experience sometime.
I hope you have a wonderful weekend as well!


Still, by the clock's revolution each hour,
I dissolve into tears about ev'ry half hour.
     Thread Starter
 

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