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February 11, 2019 4:10 pm  #1

Obs (me and boyfriend)

It's been a while since I last posted, and since then, there has been a lot of crying. Both me and my boyfriend tend to be vulnerable and sensitive people. I usually cry very easily, but he doesn't so I had never seen him cry prior to those last months. His crying is a bit strange, because he's been withholding his emotions and trying to be strong and not cry almost ever, he now has great difficulty in actually crying, so when he does, he usually tries to hold it for a bit. While talking, his voice begins to break and he starts rubbing his eyes a bit aggressively. His eyelids become red. When he feels he loses control, he usually refuses to talk more and he begins to sob quietly but no tears at all are coming out, even when the crying lasts for a while. In a way, he's forgotten how to let go and really cry. He's a bit like me and tends to try and hide his face, which I don't mind as much, because my main trigger is the sound of sobbing, and as much as I enjoy looking as well, I respect the fact he needs to hide. His body doesn't have an outlined rhythm of shaking when he sobs, but I can feel a tension in him while holding him, as he presses his head into my chest and slightly trembles. On almost all occasions when he started crying, I would cry too. It was strange, as I was getting aroused and at the same time I felt very defeated and incapable of solving the problems he has and generally felt a bit detached, as I had convinced myself I was not useful in his life, because I couldn't help him with the frequent bad moods he was getting.

Out of all the occasions, one stands out the most in my memory. We were both crying, he was sobbing and hiding his face, and as usual, I was producing a great many tears, letting them flow all over my face, neck and the pillow and trying simultaneously to control my face so that I don't go into an irreversible state of ugly crying. I was trying to console him and asked to kiss him. When he looked at me, his eyes were very red and watery, and as I kissed him, his mouth went into a slight lip curl. When I stopped kissing him, his mouth still seemed pouty and he sobbed again. Afterwards I put my cheek that was still wet against his cheek and kept stroking his back, feeling a few more sobs through the touch, and he started to calm down a bit. He asked me if I wanted a tissue, but I said I'm fine, so he wiped some tears off my face with his fingers. We kept on cuddling for a long time.

I think I'm getting more comfortable letting him look at me while I cry. I've told him about my attraction to crying, but haven't overwhelmed him with details of my preferences and such, because it seems like he sees that as a bit weird, but is accepting of it and it doesn't make him feel uncomfortable when it comes to trusting me with his emotions. I just don't think we'll necessarily be able to integrate it in some way into our intimate lives, because he doesn't cry very often, and when he does, it's because he's really very upset, and I don't think he's aroused at a time like that. But who knows, maybe further down the line we'll embrace the weirdness and make the best of it. It's a pity I don't get turned on by my own crying, that could have been a good starting point.


February 12, 2019 3:07 pm  #2

Re: Obs (me and boyfriend)

I am really sorry you are going through a rough time, I am pretty sure things will eventually be ok. I understand the reaction of your bf, when one is not used to crying one tries to hold it in and gets frustrated if unable to. Even though he acknowledges the fact that he is crying, he is still ashamed to do so in front of anyone, also, he must be in a very difficult position to, even after trying not to, sob. I find it rather unusual that even if he is crying relatively intense, no tears come out of his eyes.

I also get aroused when holding my wife’s shaking body in my arms, I know those mixed feelings.

About this obs, you mention producing a great many tears, do they roll down the same path, or flow down several streaks? I guess you are underestimating yourself, I have never seen my beautiful wife’s face ugly, I actually find her pouting face very attractive, I am pretty sure your bf wouldn’t see your face ugly if your lips curled, so, feel free to do so and you can cry unrestrained (it feels better). I find it rather unusual for your bf to have a lip curl with no tears, I love kissing my wife’s curled lips.

I loved the detail of you rubbing your tear streaked cheek against his, I would take that as a hint that you wanted him to wipe your tears, you know, it’s like wiping your tears on his face.
I guess he asked if you needed a tissue because you had taken it before, I am glad you took the next step and allowed your tears to fall unchecked in front of him and refused the tissue. He definitely got the hint and gently wiped your tears.
How did you feel this time he wiped your tears? I can perceive two factors here, the first time he did, you were playing tough and stopped him, this time you didn’t, were you expecting him to wipe your tears? Second, the first time he did it with a tissue, this time it was with his fingers, did you feel differently?

You never know, he might be able to get into it, look at Carrotcake’s H, he incorporated crying into their sex life, if you are into it, he might as well use it on his favor.

Have a great day and everything gets better. Thank you for sharing.

Last edited by Amans lacrimae (February 12, 2019 3:24 pm)


February 12, 2019 6:20 pm  #3

Re: Obs (me and boyfriend)

Yeah, I do find it very strange how he both seems to not be able to cry, and then experience it in some form, but not the full version. To begin with I was wondering if he was just trying to force himself to cry in order to make me horny or something, but it was quite obvious he wasn't faking it. My cheek was resting on his forehead at that time and then I felt his forehead was getting some sort of twitch or spasm, it felt like he was trying to blink too hard, but actually his facial muscles on the forehead were tensing up and he couldn't control them somehow. I asked him if he's always had difficulty producing tears, but he remembers when he was younger he used to have tears, and as a teenager and child apparently he felt he cried more frequently than other people, but then he just stopped. Since we've been together, I know of two occasions when he's cried, but sadly, I wasn't there either time, and he just told me about it later. Neither of those times was apparently very intense, but he still produced a few tears. And since then he didn't cry for over a year. I think it might be because of the times he cried recently it was mostly due to stress, anger and built in tension as opposed to sadness, so in some way his body is just not reacting to it as it would to a normal sad event, but it's still trying to release the tension somehow.

Also, when I cry there are usually multiple tear streaks, and usually the biggest flood is right in the beginning when I start crying, and then the tears slow down, so I get pretty wet very early on. Usually when I cry, I kind of start hard, slow down, then when I renew my energy I start crying hard again, and unless there's someone with me to make me snap out of it, this cycle can last for a long time, I think the longest it's been was around 2 hours. If I leave the tears unchecked, usually my shirt starts getting wet around the collar as well.

And yes, it felt nice when I allowed my boyfriend to wipe my tears. I think I don't have a preference whether it's with a tissue or a bare hand, but I definitely think it helped that he was crying too and I didn't feel ashamed. I think that if he had the crying fetish too, I'd pretty much let him look at me and do whatever he wanted to me when I cry, because I'd know that no matter what my face looks like, he'll like it.

And yes, I kind of do hope the crying can become a part of my sexual life, because earlier when I had this fetish I still thought that maybe I can get rid of it in some way and just overcome it, but the more time goes by, the more I doubt it. I'm not sure my boyfriend would ever really like that though, because he's a bit shy and traditional when it comes to sex, because he grew up in a Christian family that never really talked about anything remotely intimate and he was somehow under the impression that his urges were wrong, when he was just a normal teenager. He doesn't have any fetishes or anything so it's hard for him to understand, but I think as time goes by, he seems to not consider it so weird. I still haven't told him I mostly search for females crying on the internet, because that's a whole new level of confusion, but hey, one step at a time.

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