You are not logged in. Would you like to login or register?



October 31, 2012 9:28 pm  #1


Personal crying observation

Back a couple months ago, my husband out of the clear blue sky decided our two 12-year-old cats had to go after nine years with us.  We surrendered them  -me with EXTREME reluctance - to the local animal shelter.  He claimed we weren't able to take care of them AND him - he's wheelchair bound and has many health problems - and so he made the decision and the next day, they were gone.  At the time it was extremely traumatic, but we've since worked through our issues.

Today, out of curiosity, I looked up the shelter animals available for adoption and saw our two are still waiting to be adopted out.  It was like picking a scab off an old wound - I half hoped they were still there so at least I knew they were alive, and half hoped I wouldn't see their info so I could think they'd found a new home.  Now all the old feelings of regret, shame and anger have surfaced.  I keep thinking of how scared and betrayed they must have felt when they were bundled into their carriers that day, how confused they must have been when they ended up in cages.

I could feel the emotions bubbling inside, but at the same time I also knew I was stirring them up.  Finally, when I was able to go on my work break, I was able to break down and let the tears flow.  There was some audible crying and gasping, followed by silent heaving, tears flowing unchecked all the while.  After about a minute I was able to shake it off, but my cheeks still feel tight from the tears.

I've noticed that every once in awhile, it's like I have to make myself cry for a few minutes and then the urge passes.  However, when I do this I generally will make myself cry two to four times within a day or two before the urge is completely gone.

So for now, I'll obsess over our cats and work myself up to my next crying jag when it will probably be very much like the last one - a medium intensity and over within a minute or two.


"We have our stalking memories, and they will demand their rightful tears."
Anonymous
 

November 1, 2012 6:55 pm  #2


Re: Personal crying observation

Sorry your having a tough time, although I don't have pets of my own I know how attached people become of their pets - they are just another member of the family.
A male member of work was in tears a few months back because his pet had died - he was completely heartbroken.

Where did you go to cry during your work break? My wife says she stays clear of toilets because even locked away in one of the stalls you can be heard - she prefers a walk around quiet streets when she needs to cry.

I do like a woman who lets her tears flow unchecked. Also, in this situation when you had to return to work shortly after I think it makes the recovery quickier - less red eye. If you wipe tears from your eye you tend to look like you have been crying for longer.

I also experience the tight skin after crying - guess it must be the salt in the tears coming out as they dry on your skin.

 

November 1, 2012 7:23 pm  #3


Re: Personal crying observation

Since I work from home, I just closed my office door and was away from the main living area.  The main problem is being able to time my breakdowns with breaks.  Looking back, I'm wondering if part of this is also due to the fact my mother died last November, two days after Thanksgiving.  We weren't close at all, in fact I hadn't seen her in years.  She had dementia, and since we didn't live in the same town I couldn't justify going to visit when she wasn't even recognizing my dad or my sister.  Oddly enough, I cried a lot more, and harder, over the cats than I have or did for her.


"We have our stalking memories, and they will demand their rightful tears."
Anonymous
     Thread Starter
 

November 1, 2012 9:15 pm  #4


Re: Personal crying observation

I'm sorry about your mother and your pets. I know what you mean about needing to release emotion sometimes. I do that too -- sometimes, if I haven't cried in a while, I find myself focusing on something that will provoke tears and just let myself release them. When it's really necessary, it relaxes me.

 

November 1, 2012 9:29 pm  #5


Re: Personal crying observation

Exactly.  Tears are very theraputic.  Husband will often tell me "let it out".  I've found if I try to hold it in too long, it makes the resulting breakdown much worse.


"We have our stalking memories, and they will demand their rightful tears."
Anonymous
     Thread Starter
 

November 1, 2012 9:48 pm  #6


Re: Personal crying observation

Sorry about all your troubles, caircair.

 

November 1, 2012 10:19 pm  #7


Re: Personal crying observation

Actually, they're pretty minor.  Just "stalking memories", as my signature says.


"We have our stalking memories, and they will demand their rightful tears."
Anonymous
     Thread Starter
 

November 1, 2012 10:22 pm  #8


Re: Personal crying observation

caircair wrote:

Exactly.  Tears are very theraputic.  Husband will often tell me "let it out".  I've found if I try to hold it in too long, it makes the resulting breakdown much worse.

I completely agree, I feel giving yourself time to cry 'properly' helps deal with life's issues. And when I say 'properly' I mean the way you as a person cry without holding anything back or trying to stifle the intensity of the crying episode. If you sob loudly when you cry then you allow yourself to cry loudly.

I generally don't make a lot of noise when I cry but I do tend to shed a lot of tears. I feel I get more benefits from crying if I allow these tears to stream from my eyes unchecked as opposed to trying to stem them and wipe them away continuously. Also if I cry until I naturally stop rather than forcing myself to stop it helps me more.

 

November 3, 2012 3:31 pm  #9


Re: Personal crying observation

Oh, that's heartbreaking! Is there any way you can get them back? Or do you know someone who would adopt them? There has to be a way! I really don't want to upset you more, but is it a no-kill shelter? Can you adopt them back for a day or two, then transfer them to a cat sanctuary or somewhere where they'll at least be safe? I'm not sure where you live, but if you pm me I might be able to help you find a place.


It is such a secret place, the land of tears.
-- Antoine de Saint Exupery, "The Little Prince"
 

November 3, 2012 5:06 pm  #10


Re: Personal crying observation

It's not a no-kill shelter, but we knew that.  However, I'm not too worried about them being adopted out - our boy is a super-friendly beast who LOVES being around people, his sister is shyer but has a very sweet temper.  We were assured that since they were not biters, they would be easily adopted.

That being said, if anyone in the Seattle area would like to become pet owners, look for the 12-year-old duo.  He's all black, she's a tuxedo cat, they both were declawed on their front feet (by the previous owner, not by us!), and they are loving, sweet animals who would be a great addition to any family.  They're at the Seattle Animal Shelter - and I believe there's a discount on the fees since they are older.


"We have our stalking memories, and they will demand their rightful tears."
Anonymous
     Thread Starter
 

Board footera

 

Powered by Boardhost. Create a Free Forum