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March 2, 2013 8:38 pm  #1


crying in front of others?

So we've talked about similar topics, re: crying in front of other people and comfort level with it, but I want to ask a variation.
I've noticed that I hardly ever cry alone. Whenever I cried in the last three or four years, it was usually with my ex boyfriend. He took really good care of me and I felt comfortable crying in front of him, or as comfortable as one can get. But whenever I needed to cry when I was alone, the tears just wouldn't come. When we broke up, I cried a good deal by myself, but I didn't seem to feel better afterwards the way I did with him (probably some of that is just because of the situation).

One of the biological theories about crying is that it's an attention seeking behavior, and I think this is definitely true for me. Not like I would ever fake crying to get attention of course, but I feel like there's not much point in crying unless I'm going to be comforted. At least that's what my body is telling me, because often I literally cannot cry alone.

Does anyone else feel the same? Or feel differently? I'm interested to hear both sides.


It is such a secret place, the land of tears.
-- Antoine de Saint Exupery, "The Little Prince"
 

March 2, 2013 9:29 pm  #2


Re: crying in front of others?

I do cry in front of others if I know them well.  I will leave the room if I'm about to cry around strangers.  But either way, I'd much prefer to cry alone, usually because whatever I'm crying about probably was precipitated by the person (husband, mother) who is in the room with me.  And when I was in counseling I was a regular crier.


"We have our stalking memories, and they will demand their rightful tears."
Anonymous
 

March 3, 2013 12:12 am  #3


Re: crying in front of others?

I hate crying in front of strangers or in public. In fact, I don't think I've cried in a public situation since I was a little kid. I remember crying in front of a friend once when I was about seven, and I was actually quite embarrassed about it, even at that age.

On the flip side, I don't particularly like crying alone either. I prefer to cry with my boyfriend and for him to be able to hold me and comfort me. I do cry alone occasionally, but that's usually only if something really upsetting has just happened. I rarely ever cry alone just from thinking about things or whatever. The one exception is when I'm watching a movie; I'm more likely to cry during the movie if I'm alone (and not distracted by anyone else, I guess).

I hate crying in front of my dad because he's bad with emotions and acts awkward, lol. And I didn't mind crying in front of my mom, except I usually would only do that if we had an argument or something, and then I didn't want to cry because I was frustrated with her, etc. I'm not a big crier in general, though, and I can't remember more than one or two times that I cried in my mother's arms. She cried way more than I did -- she was a very emotional person in general (not in an extreme way, just easily moved to tears).

 

March 3, 2013 5:51 pm  #4


Re: crying in front of others?

I guess I lean to the other side.  I mostly cry alone and don't find it hard to cry alone.  I am embarrassed to cry in front of my family members (cringe!) except for my husband.  Even happy tears in front of my family embarrass me.  I'm also embarrassed to cry in front of friends whether it be happy or sad tears.  As a concept goes, right now I'm almost less embarrassed by the thought of crying in front of a stranger, since at least I could feel relieved that they would never see me again!  But I guess it would depend on the context of the situation.  It certainly would be embarrassing at the time, for sure.   

Like I said, I am not embarrassed crying in front of my hubby, but whether I seek comforting or not basically depends on what I'm crying about and what he's up to at the time.  If he was handy, I might seek comfort if I thought he would be helpful or understanding, and when that happens, it's great.  However, if I didn't think his point of view would be helpful, I might just deal with it privately.  And with stuff like movies, I simply don't need him.  

Generally speaking, my tendancy to cry seems to come from an introverted place, and as such, I guess I don't seek someone outside myself to be a part of it unless I have a specific need (like advice, comforting ,etc.)  But I do hug my husband quite regularly and I think even without crying involved, hugging is a type of comfort or comforting.  For me, there is no such thing as having too many hugs!!!!  

p.s.  I've personally found that hugging a nice soft pillow or warm blanket while crying can be comforting.  And I bet cuddling with a pet could be comforting in that way, too.  You hear of stories like that where a dog knows its owner is upset and the dog lays down with the owner, almost protectively, while they cry.

Last edited by woundedpuppy (March 3, 2013 6:04 pm)

 

March 10, 2013 9:28 am  #5


Re: crying in front of others?

I must of missed this topic, I do sometimes cry infront of others or if I'm out in public I will go to the bathroom to cry. If I want to be alone to cry I go to my room and hug a pillow or soft blanket it's very comforting for me. Then I feel better.

 

March 10, 2013 3:29 pm  #6


Re: crying in front of others?

woundedpuppy wrote:

I guess I lean to the other side.  I mostly cry alone and don't find it hard to cry alone.  I am embarrassed to cry in front of my family members (cringe!) except for my husband.  Even happy tears in front of my family embarrass me.  I'm also embarrassed to cry in front of friends whether it be happy or sad tears.  As a concept goes, right now I'm almost less embarrassed by the thought of crying in front of a stranger, since at least I could feel relieved that they would never see me again!  But I guess it would depend on the context of the situation.  It certainly would be embarrassing at the time, for sure.

 
This exactly sums up how I feel about this. I feel much more comfortable crying alone and would always try to wait until I was alone before giving in to tears if I possibly could. However I'm not embarrassed to cry in front of my husband (although may still fight the tears depending on the reason). The only other 2 people I would feel reasonably ok crying in front of would be my mum or my best friend. I would still fight the tears first but would not remove myself from the situation if I was with them like I would if I was with someone else.

Bizarrely though what I want most when I'm crying is to be hugged by someone and that means you have to be with someone for that to happen. Creates a bit of a conflict in my head!


Crying does not indicate you are weak, since birth it has been a sign that you are alive.
 

March 10, 2013 8:23 pm  #7


Re: crying in front of others?

How interesting!  I grew up in a family where hugging was extremely rare, so being hugged - even when I'm not crying - makes me very uncomfortable.  I'll hug a stuffed animal or pillow.  Back when I had pets, I'd hug those.


"We have our stalking memories, and they will demand their rightful tears."
Anonymous
 

March 21, 2013 6:26 am  #8


Re: crying in front of others?

I uess I'm weird on this one, I'd rather cry in front of a complete stranger or someone I just met than a family member. I guess it's about keeping up appearences with my family while I really don't care what a stranger thinks of me.
I would be somewhere in the middle with my best friend, I know they won't think that I am weak, but I would still be slighty uncomfortable about it.


“...you know that a good, long session of weeping can often make you feel better, even if your circumstances have not changed one bit.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Bad Beginning
 

March 26, 2013 9:51 pm  #9


Re: crying in front of others?

As I've probably said before I have no problem crying openly (flowing unchecked tears and all) in front of my wife and good female friend. I've no embarrasement here at all, they both know me very well - also both are just as comfortable crying (same flowing unchecked tears) in front of me. Both my wife and friend will hug and comfort me and I enjoy being comforted by them when I'm crying.

Oddly enough I actually like it when they cry with me (which happens most times) - there is a very close bond between two individuals as they cry together.

I also cry alone sometimes, these crying episodes will also involve flowing tears so there is no real physical difference but I definitely don't feel all that much better after crying alone. I much prefer and feel much better for crying in front of my wife or friend.

I have cried in front of female professional workers in the past - female doctor for example. Although I'm not particularly keen on doing this I'm not all that embarrased about it either. I do allow tears to fall down my face but I am more inclined to wipe some away so I guess I'm a bit self concious. I also do feel better after crying in these situations, but as much as with my wife and friend but definitely more than when I'm no my own.

Where I hate crying and avoid it at all costs is showing emotion in front of my family (male and female) and in front of males - whether they are good friends or not. It has happend and it usually involves me trying to stop crying as soon as possible and frantic attempts to hide any tears. For some reason I don't feel any comforting aspects in these situations.

Crying is supposed to have many origins - as you say meantangerine it can be attention seeking, but also I've heard it thought of as a communication method. The site of tears falling down a persons cheeks says I need help - consider this act before complex language developed in humans. Also, tears do contain anti-stress hormones to like most substances which are expelled by the body crying and the shedding of tears is getting rid of stuff we don't want in our bodies.

I think it's different for eveyone - definitely very complex both from a biological viewpoint and a social viewpoint. Interesting stuff!

 

 

March 26, 2013 10:08 pm  #10


Re: crying in front of others?

I typically do pretty much everything I can to avoid crying in front of other people, whether I know them well or not.  It's much easier for me to cry by myself, and if I'm upset in front of others I'll typically try to hold it back and divert my attention to something else until later when I'm alone.  Obviously, if the situation is distressing enough, I will cry in front of other people, but I feel like (strange as it is) I prefer when friends and family don't try too hard to comfort me or when they comfort me with jokes rather than hugs and the like because then, for me, it's easier to stop crying sooner.

I think my boyfriend would be the exception to this, because I know that when I'm crying alone and I'm sufficiently distressed, I always really wish he was there with me.  However, I've only cried around my boyfriend once, and it was because he was leaving on a deployment, so I'm not really sure how he would react.

 

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