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August 19, 2017 4:12 pm  #1


Strange emotional week...

As many of you know I've been through a tough time of it fairly recently - one that has required a fair degree of counselling and therapy to get me back on my feet.

​But, even though I'm in a much better place and firmly believe I'm largely cured I still experience odd moments. This week has been one of those odd weeks! On Monday morning I woke as usual for work and stumbled into the bathroom to get ready to go out. As I looked in the mirror I immediately noticed white salty streaks from the outer corner of my eyes to my ears! They were incredibly clear and there was no doubt they had been caused by tears! But, I had no recollection of what caused them - had I been crying in my sleep! If I had, I've no idea why and I felt ok - well as ok as you can feel early on a Monday morning.

​A couple of days later, about 02:30 am on Wednesday morning I woke up - as I opened my eyes tears flooded down my face - mainly flowing out at the sides! I was immediately aware (despite a sleep state) that these were not the first tears to have fallen - the act of opening my eyes had clearly released a backed up well of tears! I didn't know why I was crying but I could feel this huge sadness and emotion filling my body - it's hard to explain but it felt like it came in waves from my chest, to my throat and out through my eyes as tears! I lay there looking into the dark towards the ceiling - I was making no sound, only slight wobbly breathing and I could feel my chin shaking slightly - but tears where falling one after the other from the corner of my eyes to my ears. 

​I rolled onto my side, tears immediately started to roll across my nose - some rolled over my nose and down my other cheek, other dripped off onto my pillow. Tears from my other eye where going straight onto my pillow. After a few minutes my pillow was feeling damp! Being on my side had caused my nose to block up. it was also starting to run down my top lip and into my mouth - I could taste the salty tears - I'm fairly sure they were more tears than snot!

​I rolled onto my back again, propped my pillow up a bit to hopefully clear my nose (didn't really work) but the new angle resulted in tears running more down my cheeks (still more towards the outer edge though) I remember thinking about why on earth I'm I crying and so intensely - can getting more and more confused as I had no idea - genuinely not a clue - few possible reasons but nothing with and certainty! 

​My nose was still blocked and I was getting worried my periodic sniffing might wake my wife. I could feel the tears on my neck and the odd one towards my shoulder. The tears were showing no signs of stopping anytime soon. Finally decided to get up and go to another room where I sat in the dark, completely naked still crying! Being in another room I managed to quietly blow and clear my nose a bit - tears still running down my cheeks. As well as the overwhelming sadness and emotion I was feeling I started to feel very sorry for myself and my breathing became a bit more sobbing like and my body was shaking slightly. I bowed my head forward and feeling intensely emotional I quietly sobbed - tears fell directly from my eyes onto my bare legs and somewhere I'll not mention which was strangely arousing!! I was probably like this for another 10-15 minutes before I'd started to calm down and was able to go back to bed and fall asleep exhausted!

​I had a Doctors appointment on Friday about something completely different but decided to ask about my odd emotional out bursts. She was a Doctor I've never seen before and fairly attractive one! She gave me a lot of time and we discussed my previous treatment and where I am now - I'll not go into details on the open forum. But, at one point my voice wobbled and tears initially filled my tears. Then quickly after another emotional jolt sent more tears into my eyes causing them to spill over down my cheek. Didn't feel bothered about shed a tear so just let them fall. I only shed 2 or 3 tears from each eye - defiantly crying but nothing to major. Doctor was really nice and supportive and we talked about what could be going on. Probably just the aftermath of all my issues and treatment - something to keep an eye on but not take direct action just yet.

​I'm generally fine, but this week as been very weird and incredibly emotional without any obvious cause! The mind is an incredible but complex thing!!  

 

August 19, 2017 8:08 pm  #2


Re: Strange emotional week...

This is very normal - I have similar emotional times that come from nowhere and leave me a sodden mess. In fact, my husband had a therapist who once told him something that has always helped me during these times - I've made it my signature phrase here on the board.

Last edited by caircair (August 19, 2017 8:08 pm)


"We have our stalking memories, and they will demand their rightful tears."
Anonymous
 

August 21, 2017 8:13 pm  #3


Re: Strange emotional week...

Yes, I've been told it's perfectly normal and it could take years! before these emotional moments subside. It can still be a bit odd however when tears appear and you don't really understand why! Your phrase is so true!

     Thread Starter
 

August 22, 2017 1:12 am  #4


Re: Strange emotional week...

I've been known to cry right around the time my grandmother died unexpectedly - 40 years ago. Not nearly as often as in the past, but it still happens. I've learned to just plow through it and let the feelings happen.


"We have our stalking memories, and they will demand their rightful tears."
Anonymous
 

September 5, 2017 5:59 pm  #5


Re: Strange emotional week...

Your descriptions are always ado detailed. You paint pictures with words.

 

September 6, 2017 4:07 pm  #6


Re: Strange emotional week...

Tearhunter - I am so glad you are getting the most out of your therapy! I still, even as a female, have a hard time crying in front of a therapist. I wonder, why didn't you wake your wife and allow yourself to be comforted/let her comfort you? Were you worried that she'd view you differently, or that you just needed to do it alone and/or didn't want to wake her? Best wishes with your counseling - may it help you even further!

 

September 7, 2017 6:03 pm  #7


Re: Strange emotional week...

I didn't want to wake my wife while she was sleeping - didn't see the sense in us both being tired in the morning. My wife has seen me cry countless times and has comforted me loads so I've got absolutely no issue crying in front of her. When I was in the middle of my counselling I woke her a few times looking to be comforted as I cried - but felt a bit guilty when she started crying a couple of times!

​Not so much as a hard time crying in front of my counsellor - I was not able to hold back the tears anyway - more uncomfortable to start with crying in front of another guy! But soon trusted him and the tears were not a problem. 

     Thread Starter
 

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