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September 28, 2017 12:59 pm  #1

Recovering from "Numb Syndrome," as I call it

I've not been here in a little while, mostly cuz I went through a numb patch.  "Numb Syndrome," is something I go through sometimes when  I just can't let the tears out or get in touch with them.  Although I always know  I need to cry at certain times but the numbness stops me.  It's just that old habitual avoidance, like I used to do, when I was younger. I've been in so many relationships where my tears were judged, dating back from childhood.  But I left my husband earlier this month and that I think has helped.  He never really could see my tears toward the end...among many other things that drove us apart.

It's sad, very sad that I have spent 20 years on this man, trying to make this work...but to no avail.  I have to start my life over again.  It's heartbreaking.  But I'll get through it...

I have wept off and on.  I always have a handkerchief for that purpose, which I'm thankful to have the privacy to be able to use.  It feels good to hold the cloth to my face and as the tears soak into always, it brings me to a state of ecstasy.  But too often, it ends too quickly.  I have issues with fatigue and other Diabetes-related stuff. Sometimes I'll begin to weep and do so for about three minutes, then I get tired, and want to sleep. I allow the sleep although I still feel pent up and I know there's more tears to shed.  It wouldn't bother me as much if the tension didn't lead to anxiety attacks which I just don't get the same release from lol.  Movies help.  I was watching Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince a few days ago, and had a really good cry at one scene.
*Does anyone who has seen it remember Hermione running out of the room after Lavender Brown kisses Ron? It was so moving to see her pour her feelings for Ron out on Harry's shoulder. And her asking him, "How does it feel seeing Dean with Ginny?"  And Harry acknowledging his feelings for Ginny by saying, "It feels like this."  Man the floodgates just went off.  Young love!  I remember being a teenager and falling in love for the first time.  It's always so deep the first time around.  Lol.*
I don't know if anything was posted about this, but I've been very moved by Sinead O'Connor's very real and raw videos talking about her mental illness. She cries and lets it out and the tears just fly all over the place lol.  It's beautiful in a sometimes disturbing way.. That brings on the floodgates big time.  I love seeing people who are famous allow themselves to be human.  That's very moving when that happens.

Oh God, here goes Led Zeppelin singing "Babe I'm gonna Leave you."  Depending on the mood, that can make me cry too lol.  Songs are amazing for that as well.

Anyway, just catching up around here...Thanks for being here!  Take good care. xx

"People cry, not because they're weak. It's because they've been strong for too long." --Johnny Depp
"Cry to me...let it come, let it bleed...reach in and get it, and set it free." --Heart

September 28, 2017 4:21 pm  #2

Re: Recovering from "Numb Syndrome," as I call it

Llorona, I'm very sorry you're experiencing this, and I feel I can relate to what you say about your tears being "judged."  Though I'm often bad at this myself (though trying to improve), I think it is best to let the tears out rather than holding them in, if you can.  So, keeping the handkerchief near you is a very good idea.

I can relate to what you say, too, about movies, as there are certain movie scenes I can't "get through" without crying.  I haven't seen Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, but the part you describe sounds very touching.

Blessings to you.  Keep us updated, if you feel so inclined.

Last edited by White Tulip (September 28, 2017 4:27 pm)


September 29, 2017 1:30 am  #3

Re: Recovering from "Numb Syndrome," as I call it

You and your family are in my thoughts. And I understand about movie scenes and songs - Lately I can't sing along with a bunch of songs I love because they make me teary, and singing is one way I comfort myself when I'm feeling low.

"We have our stalking memories, and they will demand their rightful tears."

September 29, 2017 4:36 pm  #4

Re: Recovering from "Numb Syndrome," as I call it

I know the numb syndrome! Sometimes the emotions just are sitting somewhere inside and can't go out. I am a master being numb, it is something like a survival mode. 
I am very sorry to hear about your problems, sometimes it helps to end a relationship and go on but you need a lot of courrage and a lot of power to do it. Hope you get better soon. 


October 8, 2017 12:10 am  #5

Re: Recovering from "Numb Syndrome," as I call it

I know that feeling. I also have chronic fatigue and endocrine disorders so i know how exhausting emotions get


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