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October 12, 2017 8:33 am  #1


(LGBT) - Newly discovering my feelings for my partner crying.

I've known my attraction for crying for many years now and I'm starting to feel a little unsure. My girlfriend cried because we had an arguement, and I immediately was aroused. I hate explaning it because I feel weird being the cause of it. I don't abuse this emotion or her feelings. I'm not attracted to random women crying. This has happened to me with different partners from time to time, but it hasn't had the urgency like I feel it now. Ideally i just like to know she truly cares about me, and it's so sweet that she cries sometimes about little things. I've read that most people either enjoy this for BDSM, pouty lips, or comfort. When she cries there are sexual feelings involved but I don't participate in BDSM particularly to inflict any pain on her. I just like that she's vulnerable and sortve needs me. I want to find a way to enjoy this without really having stress involved. I told her about my feelings on it. She understands but also is kind of like "well that's not good"... I don't know how to practice this without authenticity involved. I don't want this to destroy our relationship either. I'm new to this, so I'm hoping others who can relate can help me make sense of it all. I'm trying to not come off as "sick" like ☹️

 

October 12, 2017 7:48 pm  #2


Re: (LGBT) - Newly discovering my feelings for my partner crying.

First of all, welcome to the forum! You'll find many people on here who are dealing with the same feelings and issues.

You're not sick. I sympathize with the worry that others will misinterpret attraction to crying as attraction to pain or desire to inflict pain. All of us here in this community know that it's not the case, but it can be harder when dealing with people who don't have any experience with a crying fetish. I am into the physical aspects of crying, but when the crying happens in real life, I'm aroused by the vulnerability, the caretaking, the comforting. I just want to hold my H when he's sobbing and help him through whatever is going on. Sometimes we have sex afterward, once he feels better.

I was terrified to tell both my H and my ex-BF, so I definitely understand how you're feeling. You said you told your GF, and she seemed unsure of how to react? Is she responsive to hugging, cuddling, kissing her face while she's crying?
 
 

 

October 12, 2017 9:06 pm  #3


Re: (LGBT) - Newly discovering my feelings for my partner crying.

Bluesilk wrote:

I've read that most people either enjoy this for BDSM, pouty lips, or comfort. When she cries there are sexual feelings involved but I don't participate in BDSM particularly to inflict any pain on her. I just like that she's vulnerable and sortve needs me.

Hi Bluesilk.  I can relate to a lot of things you said in your post.  I'm one of those you mentioned who has said I enjoy "comforting", but it's not the best description for what I mean.  I have addressed this problem in previous posts by explaining that if comforting a person reduces their crying, then it kind of misses the point fetish-wise!  It's more that I want reach out and touch their vulnerability, feel the intimacy of that, be gentle, etc.  And yes, be needed.  You identified that you like that your girlfriend is vulnerable and sort of needs you.  I like being needed by the crier too.  It is an arousing position to be in.  And I do want the crier to be someone I know and not some random person on the internet or street, so like either a male friend or my husband or at least a celebrity who I feel as though I "know" because I'm so familiar with them.  Sadly, the only time I get to experience this dynamic with my husband is when there is relationship turmoil and he is afraid of losing me (extremely rare since we have a good relationship).  So I appreciate what I think is your question... how to practice and enjoy your fetish without turning it into some kind of relationship-destroying thing or playing abusive mind games, which I know you don't do (and neither do I).

It sounds like you have taken the first steps by telling her how you feel... and she understands, which is good... but is also saying, "well, that's not good"... which is basically where I'm at with my husband too... I think it disheartens him a bit that I could enjoy someone else's (including his own) crying, but he accepts my fetish, even if he can't relate...

But the fetish isn't a part of our relationship (mostly because he doesn't cry naturally for years at a stretch, can't cry on demand, feels weird about the fetish, etc.), so I am probably not the best person for advice!  There are others around here who do make it work in a relationship.  I suspect you might not be able to actively practice 100% of the authentic situations that turn you on the most, but hopefully there are other consensual situations that can still be fun!  For me, even acted tears are arousing.  As long as the tears are produced by REAL emotions underneath.  So while I am not turned on by the thought of having a staring contest with someone (which could also produce tears), it doesn't always have to be a 'real' situation to have some effect... 

 

October 12, 2017 11:46 pm  #4


Re: (LGBT) - Newly discovering my feelings for my partner crying.

Thank you everyone who's participated in helping me understand better.

If my partner cries she will seem so saddened and i'll obviously try to comfort her - in hopes that we will have like make up sex or something. If I could make this something that is less harsh on her emotions I would.

I feel better knowing it's really a thing that people experience similar feelings and thoughts. Thanks for all the advice in advance!

     Thread Starter
 

October 14, 2017 9:43 pm  #5


Re: (LGBT) - Newly discovering my feelings for my partner crying.

Hi there! I'm another one who has similar feelings. It sounds like for you in particular, your feelings about crying are specific to your partner, which I think makes it a little easier to explain, something like "When you cry, you look so beautiful, and the fact that you trust me enough to be vulnerable with me makes me feel really close to you. And feeling that close to you makes me want to be all over you and love you and have sex with you."

It sounds like you're pretty uncomfortable with this yourself, and let me tell you from experience, if you feel ashamed and afraid that you're a horrible person for this, talking about it with your partner won't go so well. 
I've told two people, and for the first one I was crying and apologizing for being a freak, and that (now ex) boyfriend almost broke up with me over it, he was so freaked out. When I told my current partner, I said, "hey, this is a thing about me. Doesn't mean I'm a sadist, it's more of an emotional and aesthetic thing." Then I explained it a bit more and where I thought it came from, answered his questions, and at the end he said, "Huh, well that makes sense. Can't say I'm particularly into it, but it is interesting." 


It is such a secret place, the land of tears.
-- Antoine de Saint Exupery, "The Little Prince"
 

October 15, 2017 9:27 am  #6


Re: (LGBT) - Newly discovering my feelings for my partner crying.

meantangerine wrote:

"When you cry, you look so beautiful, and the fact that you trust me enough to be vulnerable with me makes me feel really close to you. And feeling that close to you makes me want to be all over you and love you and have sex with you."

When you put it like that, I feel like who in the world could think that sounded like anything but a beautiful thing?  Nicely done!  "The fact that you trust me enough to be vulnerable" makes it sound like they are choosing not to hide their vulnerability in front of you.  If they have some amount of choice in the matter, then it kind of lets them have their dignity, doesn't it.  Bluesilk, I think meantangerine gives some excellent pointers in her post.

Some, but not all of my own kink would fit that description.  One fantasy I have that doesn't is the one where I'm in the right place at the right time when a person I have a crush on can't control their crying.  They don't trust me enough to be vulnerable in front of me.... they are just forced through circumstances beyond their control into a situation where they find themselves crying in front of me and can't escape it... and for some reason, they need my help as well... like, to get them out of an embarrassing situation or something... they know they have no choice and they look at me with those helpless eyes, you know... they are desperate!  So like a superhero I swoop in and protect them and they gratefully go along with it and I cuddle them while they cry and we bond deeply through the experience, so trust does come after that and it's beautiful.  It just wasn't necessarily there at the start.  Just kind of a side comment, haha.  But I LOVE my trust-based fantasies too... trust is very, very sexy!!!

Bluesilk, let us know how it goes with your girlfriend! 

 

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