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November 29, 2012 2:44 am  #11


Re: Boyfriend crying (and me too, I guess)

@Woundedpuppy: Well, I haven't experience the death of someone I am close to (but there are approximately 8 people in this universe who I am emotionally close to). However, last night I had a pretty horrifying nightmare where my Dad passed away, and nobody in the family including my mother and sister cared. I was lying on my side weeping (in the dream), and while I was weeping I was thinking how this could be a pretty neat obs for the messageboard.


Ugly crying is pretty crying
 

November 29, 2012 1:36 pm  #12


Re: Boyfriend crying (and me too, I guess)

Thanks for the kind words, everyone.

Woundedpuppy: Actually, yes, I do feel that the fetish is a bit of a silver lining. Even if I'm in extreme pain as well, I am always at least a little bit aroused by my boyfriend's crying. I mean, I was crying too, and we'd just had an argument, but when he covered his eyes and began to sob uncontrollably, I was incredibly aroused and even stopped crying myself for a minute to listen/observe/comfort. Also, I really feel that the fetish is a huge part of my sexual identity, and I am relieved that I haven't lost that part of me, even temporarily, despite the rough circumstances.

Also, it brings me great comfort to think about how lucky I am to have my boyfriend, who can understand me and fulfill me in this unique way, despite the fact that I no longer have my wonderful mother, who I loved more than anything else in the world. I mean, even though my love for him does not FILL the void that her death has caused, my love for him is something wonderful in my life that I will always have. And focusing on that makes me feel a little better.

Last edited by carrotcake (November 29, 2012 1:36 pm)

     Thread Starter
 

November 29, 2012 7:48 pm  #13


Re: Boyfriend crying (and me too, I guess)

I subscribe to what caircair said, it's different when you're not personally involved.

I'm so sorry for your loss Cair-cair, your post made me think about my mum and the many times i upset her. I have always told her if she dies i'll die too cause i can't imagine my life without her, though i'm mostly dependent on her and it's a form of clingy attitude and egoistic feeling from my part. It's like a black spot actually, thinking that one day i may be in your situation..even the thought of it takes my breath.. and i wonder wether crying and consuming the grief ever eases the pain..


''I like crying. And now I not only wanna cry and show my crying to other people, I wanna just split myself down the middle and open my guts and just throw everything out!''
Woody Harrelson
 

November 29, 2012 8:48 pm  #14


Re: Boyfriend crying (and me too, I guess)

Carrotcake, it's great that you can still get aroused by your boyfriend's crying despite your pain.  I had hoped that would be the case for you.  So it sounds like for some people, the fetish is thankfully a bit of a silver lining.  For others, it isn't.

You brought up another interesting point as well -- that you are relieved that you haven't lost the fetish during these rough times because it's a huge part of your sexual identity.  I think it sounds quite healthy, personally.  It's good that you're not feeling guilty about being aroused.  After all, the fetish is just part of who you are.

carrotcake wrote:

Woundedpuppy: Actually, yes, I do feel that the fetish is a bit of a silver lining. Even if I'm in extreme pain as well, I am always at least a little bit aroused by my boyfriend's crying. I mean, I was crying too, and we'd just had an argument, but when he covered his eyes and began to sob uncontrollably, I was incredibly aroused and even stopped crying myself for a minute to listen/observe/comfort. Also, I really feel that the fetish is a huge part of my sexual identity, and I am relieved that I haven't lost that part of me, even temporarily, despite the rough circumstances.

 

November 29, 2012 9:24 pm  #15


Re: Boyfriend crying (and me too, I guess)

It is interesting, Woundedpuppy. I certainly understand why someone would NOT be aroused when they were in great pain, and there actually have been times when I have been in such anguish that I'm not able to be aroused by crying. I think it's probably due to the fact that the pain at this point is a general ache more than a sharp, raw sting. I think that in my case (and of course, everyone reacts differently to these things), because of the fact that I've been going through the grieving process for over a year during her entire illness, I didn't react to her death with quite as much sting and intensity as I would have if it had been sudden. Again, that's just me. I think if it had been more sudden, the emotions would have taken a different course and probably would have overtaken my ability to be aroused by my boyfriend's crying.

I also think that I have such a healthy view of my fetish in general because of how accepting my boyfriend is of it. If he were more wary or even turned off by it, I would surely be MUCH more insecure about it. That's part of the reason I'm afraid to tell anyone else in real life.

     Thread Starter
 

November 30, 2012 6:01 am  #16


Re: Boyfriend crying (and me too, I guess)

PsychicGirl, losing my mother wasn't quite the wrench I was expecting.  But then, we were not super-close, and growing up she and I didn't have the best relationship - in some ways I think she was mentally abusive toward me.  I thought for years that I exhibited too many of her traits that she hated about herself, whereas my sister was more like her in the traits she approved of. 

Now, when I lose my father I will be a sodden mess for weeks.  He and I have been close from the very beginning - I felt growing up that I could trust him to have my back, whereas my mother might just turn on me.  He'll be 84 this Saturday, and I can see he's slowing down a bit.  I dread the thought of losing him; it'll be much more traumatic than losing Mom.


"We have our stalking memories, and they will demand their rightful tears."
Anonymous
 

December 9, 2012 7:02 pm  #17


Re: Boyfriend crying (and me too, I guess)

I'm very colse to my mum , so close that sometimes i'm the one smothering her and babying her, mostly in my words then in my deeds. In my case i'm more distant with my father, i can't find any support from him and he annoys me every time we discuss. I'm glad my parents divorced when i was little because their relationship was horrible. They could never stop arguing and at fault was my father, who's the most difficult and nit-picking man i ever know. That's way my relationship with other men figures is affected and i don't trust men generally while with women i'm much more open and friendly. i derive much more satisfaction in frienships with women then in relationsgips with men.  My mother is very straightfoward towards me , she respects my decisions and is very protective too, sometimes even overly so. I don't think i can cope with my life if something wrong goes on her, i'm anxious even when she catches a cold or has a stomach acke. 


''I like crying. And now I not only wanna cry and show my crying to other people, I wanna just split myself down the middle and open my guts and just throw everything out!''
Woody Harrelson
 

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