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August 22, 2011 1:08 pm  #11

Re: Awkwardness of family crying

meantangerine wrote:

It's weird, my parents have a totally different view of my than my boyfriend and friends. The latter see me as a natural comforter and a nurturer, and my boyfriend sees me cry once in a while (not my friends so much). But I think my parents think I'm cold. I hate seeing them cry and feel really awkward and almost angry sometimes. They talk about how I never ever cry, I'm strong and stoic etc.

That's exactly my story too. My parents see me as sort of... not stony, because that's not my personality type, but my mother ALWAYS goes on and on about how "nothing moves me." Or we'll hear a sad song playing and she'll turn to me and say "Isn't that sad?"

And yeah, I find family members' crying very uncomfortably as well. Not with my cousins so much, since they're more like friends than family, but with most of my adult relatives... ick.


August 22, 2011 8:20 pm  #12

Re: Awkwardness of family crying

I feel the same way as most of you. I have never seen my father cry, and I hope I never will. Have seen my mother cry only 4-5 times (except in funerals of course), and I don't like that much either.
My husband is also the "hard" type. He does express feelings, but very rarely cry. The last time I saw him cry was when our beloved dog died suddenly 3 years ago, and I was as sad as he was so it didn't do anything for me at the time. When we first met I had a wonderful experience with him when he cried in front of me very early in the relationship. But now, after 10 years together, it doen't seem to give me the same kick as it did before. I would love to see my male cousins cry, but thats because they go under "friend" category

Tears are words the heart can't express...

August 24, 2011 4:05 am  #13

Re: Awkwardness of family crying

Hey Suckerformanlytears, I'm in the same boat!  My hubby rarely cries as well.  Glad to know I'm not alone!!  I used to complain a lot about it but I try not to do that anymore.  At this point, I'd be just as happy to get tears from a male friend, as I figure anything that would make my hubby lose his composure would have to be pretty darn serious, taking most of the fun out of it anyway.  But friends are less accessible emotionally than husbands or boyfriends are, so... yeah... it's pretty tricky.  But I'm always secretly working on it.  If I can find an emotional friend or acquaintance, I think that's the key.  Through my very limited experience with this, I feel like it's not what's going on in a guy's life so much as how he deals with life in general.  Quite frankly, I just think some guys are bigger "cry babies" than others.  A lot of men haven't cried for a decade or so.  It's been 7 years for my hubby.  If your dog hadn't died 3 years ago, then when did your hubby last cry before that? (if you can remember?)  Just curious!

Last edited by woundedpuppy (August 24, 2011 4:09 am)


August 24, 2011 1:15 pm  #14

Re: Awkwardness of family crying

Woundedpuppy: Of course I remember! I have seen him cry 2 times in 10 years. The first time was not so long after we met. It was a sunday morning, and we were really hung over just relaxing on the couch. We were talking about all sorts of things, and he told me about a terrible experience from years ago when he came first to the scene of an accident where one of his friends died. He started crying when he was talking about it, and was very surprised because he hadn't been able to cry about it when it actually happened. Once he started, he had trouble stopping again, probably because the feelings had been hidden for so long inside him, and when they finally emerged he had a hard time repressing them. He also said that he had never cried infront of a girl before. I remember feeling very proud and special because of that. It made me fall even harder in love with him But exept from that episode and when the dog died I have never seen him cry. A few times he has been a bit "moist", but no tears.

woundedpuppy wrote:

But I'm always secretly working on it.

I'm so glad you wrote this. Because this is what I do as well. I secretly work on it....finding situations and men who is likely to cry in front of me. I feel so psyco, but I can't help it! The other day one of my collegues finally caved in sitting in my office, because things are like hell at home for him (he is probably getting divorced), and I found myself purposly trying to lead the conversation into something close and personal and stressful for him, so that he would start to cry. And he did!! My god, I loved it. Now I am just hoping for it to happen again. Jeeezzz, I feel like a crazy person...
It must be said that he thanked me for listening to him afterwards. He said it felt a bit better after talking about it. I said of course "any time"...If he had only known....

Tears are words the heart can't express...

August 24, 2011 6:53 pm  #15

Re: Awkwardness of family crying

Suckerformanlytears: Loved hearing about your husband's first breakdown!  That's such a great scenario... everything from the fact you were the first girl he ever cried in front of to the fact that they had been repressed feelings.

But wow, sounds like you have had more success with getting other guys to cry than I have!  How many times has it worked for you?  I'm just curious.  It hasn't worked for me yet, although I've only been trying sporadically for the last few years.  During the last few years, guys have talked about their custody battles, their financial troubles, unemployment, even pets being put down, yet they've all talked about these things without so much as a waver in their voice or a tear in their eye!  Best I think I've heard is, "I was a mess," (which is a very nice visual, yes, but very much in the past, which isn't exactly satisfying enough for my needs), and the best I've seen is eyes sort of looking down at the floor (which is kind of sexy, but then suddenly, boom, they've changed subjects again).  I've also heard things like, "You don't want to hear about it", and one time it was, "I don't want to talk about it".  I always act very encouraging and say it's fine to talk to me about anything at all (while still trying to act normal to hide my fetish, lol), but maybe there is something more I could be doing.  Let me know if you have any pointers!   My last close-up male crying observation happened over 4 and a half years ago, which seems like an eternity, but it was easy and I didn't really have to do anything.  The guy just wanted to talk about his girlfriend who'd cheated on him. 

suckerformanlytears wrote:

Because this is what I do as well. I secretly work on it....finding situations and men who is likely to cry in front of me. I feel so psyco, but I can't help it!

You're not a psycho.  Or if you are, then so am I.   I draw the line at making a persons's already bad situation even worse, but by and large, I honestly think that the majority of men would feel better if they would cry in front of a woman once in a while.

Last edited by woundedpuppy (August 24, 2011 6:57 pm)


August 24, 2011 11:27 pm  #16

Re: Awkwardness of family crying

I agree with everyone else that it's really awkward to see family members crying, but that got me thinking...

Imagine this as a scenario: Meeting someone you don't know and getting turned on when they start crying but then a SHOCKING REVELATION occurs and you realise it's actually a long lost brother / sister. How would you feel then? I have no idea what it would be like hahaha.


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