The only way I get satisfaction from fantasizing is if I write it out in a fic.  I guess this makes it almost as if it really happened.  I basically get to purge the fantasy, which feels good (a release), and gives me closure.  I also get to exercise my creativity.  But otherwise, fantasizing is usually bad (heartbreaking!) for me personally, because if I spend too long wishing for things I don't have, I get depressed.  Without the purge, the intense wish just keeps looping around in my head and tortures me.  Bonus to those who can be satisfied with something by only imagining it, I guess!  If I went on a diet and wasn't allowed to have any chocolate cake, I can't imagine what pleasure I could get out of fantasizing about the chocolate cake I wasn't going to get to eat!  I am able to approach the TV and movie scenes in a different way, however, as they are not a fantasy in which I am personally involved in a role.  I'm just an observer, so in a detached way, I am able to say, oh yeah, that was HOT!

I hear ya on pretty much having to be attracted to the person too -- so that seriously narrows the pool of people who could even turn me on with their crying.  So it's a very tricky fetish to get satisfied and therefore not really the end goal for me anymore.  I think I'm interested in human psychology in general and especially intimacy between humans, which doesn't have to involve crying at all, just a meaningful moment.

tearhunter wrote:

During these times she develops what we call the 'shoulder shuffle' when she sobs with her shoulder heaving up and down - still crying quietly, but she is unable to speak at all. I find this really hot - especially if I hold her tight.

Unable to speak at all... wow, that's something I hadn't really thought of before, and that's really hot to me!  I mean, I already knew I love the problems with not being able to speak properly and getting choked up and the wobbly voice, but incapacitated to the point of not being able to say a word... oooh, love it!!  Watch this scenario show up in my next fic, whenever that may be.   Although, yeah, with the combination of holding the person tight in order to feel their quiet sobs.  Guess I saw this recently in a movie clip (the one where Robert Downey Jr. couldn't speak on the phone) but without being able to actually hold the person, I think I prefer to hear at least a bit of speaking.

Last edited by woundedpuppy (April 1, 2012 12:15 am)

i'd say my tastes are similar to tearhunter's.

woundedpuppy wrote:

tearhunter wrote:

During these times she develops what we call the 'shoulder shuffle' when she sobs with her shoulder heaving up and down - still crying quietly, but she is unable to speak at all. I find this really hot - especially if I hold her tight.

Unable to speak at all... wow, that's something I hadn't really thought of before, and that's really hot to me!  I mean, I already knew I love the problems with not being able to speak properly and getting choked up and the wobbly voice, but incapacitated to the point of not being able to say a word... oooh, love it!!  Watch this scenario show up in my next fic, whenever that may be.   Although, yeah, with the combination of holding the person tight in order to feel their quiet sobs.  Guess I saw this recently in a movie clip (the one where Robert Downey Jr. couldn't speak on the phone) but without being able to actually hold the person, I think I prefer to hear at least a bit of speaking.

She could probably mumble something if she really had to speak but there is a fair chance you would not understand what she was attempting to say and it would probably require a lot of concenration to bring herself at bit more under control. This type of crying from my wife is very rare - in the almost 15 years we have been together I think I've only seen it 4 or 5 times and not for several years now. She needs to lose control completely - an all encompassing explosion of emotions - she is unable to control the out burst and is at its mercy until it subsides. As I've mention before my wife never really makes any noise when she is crying - she does not Boo Hoo. When she cries like this she is still crying without much sound but does experience rapid breathing which I've seen turn into loud sounds in other people - this is probably the main reason she cannot speak. She is generally shaking and her shoulders are heaving - if she is standing you almost have to hold her up out of fear she may collapse - she seams to go weak at the knees. The volume of tears is amazing - I've ended up with a wet shirt several times just from her tears - on one occasion she bowed her head as she started crying and I saw tears drip from her eyes almost continuously - one after the other.

As I say this kind of crying is rare and now that I think about it I reckon only once was it caused by something which was not an out and out tragic event - I think twice I've also been crying almost as uncontrollably with her.

So although it is hot I need to look at it after the fact to appreciate it.

Thanks for explaining your point of view, lemoniep, although I would argue that some people can indeed 'taste' things through fantasy, 'hear' things through fantasy, as well as feel, smell, and visualize things.  I know I can 'hear' things in my own fantasies (like the sounds of someone crying), so it would make sense that if I thought hard enough, I could probably 'taste' a piece of chocolate cake, or their salty tears, or feel the wetness of the tears on my fingers, or the sponginess of the chocolate cake and the smoothness of the icing as I imagined eating it.  In fact, when someone's mouth waters when they start thinking about food, I think they are fantasizing so well that it actually causes them to salivate, as if they are almost eating the food.  Although I'm no scientist, by any means.  I'm not sure what I think about when I crave food.  There is definitely some aspect of 'feeling' of it when I crave the crispy crunch of potato chips (I try celery as a substitute sometimes, but let's face it, celery is no potato chip). ;) But I guess in my crying fantasies I am only interested in hearing, seeing, and feeling.  Anyway, just my humble opinion, and a side point, really.  That's great that you enjoy fantasizing in a healthy way.  I used to be that way for quite a while.  It was great.  Then it got out of control, and now I'd rather abstain.  If an idea for a crying fantasy starts to get too much in my head, I just purge it in a fic and then it's like it almost really happened and then I feel free again.  Perhaps for others it feels like it almost really happened just by imagining it in their heads.  But for some reason, I don't feel that sense of satisfaction now until I write it out.  Perhaps I rewired the circuits in my brain when I over-fantasized... who knows.  I wonder if I can reset them to the default. 

Oh, and yes, I definitely know what you mean about the fantasies being perfect compared to reality and that being a huge advantage for fantasies!  I dunno, for me, it's like, no real relationship is perfect, but most people still pick a real relationship over a blow-up doll.  I suppose that's a terrible comparison to make, but I'm lacking a better analogy right now.  The general point is, while fantasies entertained me at first, eventually they started feeling empty and lonely without real humans in them.  But remember, I'm an ex fantasizaholic... this problem probably won't happen to the majority of fetishists!!  Just fantasize in moderation, I guess, and all will be well.

lemoniep wrote:

Also, woundedpuppy, I meant to reply to you on the whole fantasy thing - I guess where crying fantasy differs from fantasising about eating chocolate for me is that you can't taste things through fantasy, so it would be unfulfilling as that would be what you desires, whereas crying is mostly a visual thing, so I can get satisfaction because the visual aspect is still there in my imagination, just in a weaker form. Also, crying fantasies are perfect, whereas all sorts of things can get in the way in reality. I do like to write them down too though, as certain words have become triggers for me as a turn on, after reading a lot of hurt/comfort fanfiction.