Hi Lillianne!
Welcome to the forum. I hope you like it here. To answer your question I'm more on the comforting side.

Last edited by raindance85 (March 29, 2012 9:15 pm)

Welcome, Lillianne, and please stop apologizing for the length of your first post!!  So many people come and post a couple of things and then stop, so the fact you've already shared as much personal stuff as you did is a great contribution, and hope you continue to hang out with us!

I don't know how to address the sadistic/masochistic issue with myself.  I haven't been on the Dacryphilia group in ages because, by and large, I couldn't really relate to what the other posters were into (although I really didn't spend much time there, so it may be different now).  Yet, at least some part of my attraction to crying men can definitely include the pain.  So I'm thinking maybe there is a third category.  Sadistic can mean wanting to inflict pain on others (in a powerful, dominating sort of way), masochistic can mean wanting pain inflicted on oneself (in a submissive sort of way), and maybe what I want (or at least part of what I want) is a feeling of empathy inflicted upon myself (in a non-submissive way).  To get a feeling of empathy and the huge RUSH to want to comfort/help someone (that is definitely a rush), I seem to require the person to be acting vulnerable or at the point of near tears (although I often feel a great sense of sympathy for people -- but empathy seems to involve "feeling their feelings" instead of just feeling sorry for them, and more often, I think I just feel very sorry for them).  It's a very specific formula, though, as there are definitely things that I find too sickening or traumatizing to enjoy in that way.  I'd imagine that's even the case for many traditional BDSM folks, though.  To be turned on by that, you'd really have to be turned on by the feeling of being sickened.  I'm turned on by the connection, the bond between people, that comes with feeling empathy.

Anyway, that's only part of the mix for me and my fetish (I often cite the "loss of control" as my attraction, as that encompasses all my various interests), but an interesting point you brought up!  As for what to call it, well, with what I just described, maybe I am "empathochistic"... or an empathochist, haha!

Oh yeah, and I definitely relate on wanting to *protect* somebody... that could be a whole other thing... the nurturer part, for sure!  I like your guardian angel analogy too and the exclusivity of it, like you're the only protecter for that particular person.  I think you will find that feeling with a boyfriend someday.

Geez, can I ever just post a post without finding all sorts of grammatical errors and typos right after I post it?  Hopefully I've found them all now... 

Last edited by woundedpuppy (March 28, 2012 6:49 pm)

Hi Lillianne! Welcome to the forum!

I agree with you about a lot of the things you mentioned. I also have trouble seeing family members crying or weak. It makes me feel terrible because I love and care for them deeply, but I get uncomfortable because of the sexual overtones that crying and comforting have for me.

As far as the sadism goes, I agree with meantangerine that through my fetish, I'm more able to offer deep comfort to my friends and significant others, and that this is a very positive thing. I have struggled with guilt over it at times, but it helps that my boyfriend is so receptive to it and even willing to indulge the fetish. I love what woundedpuppy said about "loss of control;" that's definitely what does it for me, in addition to the fact that the man succumbs to his emotions and allows me to "hold him together." I don't get aroused by pain, I get aroused by sharing an emotional bond with someone and helping them through their own pain. I wouldn't enjoy inflicting pain myself at all. I think that for many men, crying in front of someone else is the most intimate and trusting thing they could do, possibly more intimate than sex. That's the part that I love.

Hope you enjoy the forum! Looking forward to reading your posts. 

Carrotcake, you just nailed it. Crying in front of someone is more intimate than sex (I guess more for men than women, who stereotypically cry more easily). That's probably one of the huge reasons I love it so much.

Also, I was just listening to a Dan Savage podcast, and he took a call from a foot fetishist who was worried it was unethical for him to give a foot rub to a girl without disclosing his sexual interest in it. Dan said that as long as the girl asked for it and was enjoying it, the foot dude could indulge both of them without any guilt. On the other hand, if he went around asking girls, "Hey, your feet look really sore, want a massage?" it would be creepy. I took comfort in that, because I never try to make anyone cry. I'm just very happy to comfort them if they do. Anyway, just a relevant tidbit.