- Fallingtears
- Full Member
Offline - Registered: June 12, 2012
- Posts: 34
Re: Hi! I'm new here
tearhunter wrote:
My eyes are blue btw
Do you allow your tears to fall unchecked in front of other people? I can imagine this might differ for people close to you as opposed to friends, work colleagues etc.
It would probably depend on the reason for the tears. If I was crying at a movie or show then I would probably wipe the tears away quickly if I was with other people. If it was for something more serious like a death in the family or another very upsetting event then I would just let them fall, I wouldn't care who saw me cry. I will always valliantly try and stop the bottom lip trembling though, no matter why I'm crying.
Crying does not indicate you are weak, since birth it has been a sign that you are alive.
- tearhunter
- Godlike
Offline
- Registered: July 28, 2011
- Posts: 505
Re: Hi! I'm new here
@Fallingtears, what about when you are crying on your own? I certainly allow my tears to fall unchecked when I cry alone, but I also cry unchecked tears with my wife and a close female friend - I've no embarrasement and it feels good to allow myself to completely submerge myself in my emotions. Generally feel better afterwards.
@BadCr, interesting observation with regard to the salanity of the tears being shed. I've noticed that if my wife has not cried for several weeks her tears appear to start cloudy before turning more clear after a few tears have fallen. I've also noticed this in a female friend from time to time. I've often wondered if this is a build up of some kind of chemicals but I guess it could easily be an increased concentration of salty tears due to lack of recent crying. But, this does not necessarily make her their eyes redden any quicker.
I've also had the pleasure of kissing my wifes tears away and I can confirm they taste very salty indeed - I reckon more than my own tears which have rolled into my mouth before but I'll admit it's hard to tell.
But another observation with regard to salty tears, a couple of times when my wife has cried while in bed and she has allowed tears to flow from the corners of her eyes to her ears without wiping them away and allowing those tears to dry naturally she has been left with a white salty mark immediately below her eyes. Not sure if this is a common thing or not.
- woundedpuppy
- Godlike
Offline
- Registered: July 27, 2011
- Posts: 554
Re: Hi! I'm new here
Wow, I am amazed at the amount of tear research you guys have done (both through experimentation and by watching others).
Sometimes I think women are embarrased about the reason they are crying not the crying itself, whereas men are embarrased about the physical signs of crying and not the reason so much - a general observation I know.
I would definitely say that's true for me! What I hate most (and this came up in that gender article that was recently posted) is when I cry during a conflict, especially if I'm trying to make a really good point but can't because the crying ruins it for me. You just can't be taken as seriously if you're crying and it will always make you look weak. The typically cool and collected man (or the woman who isn't crying) will appear stronger and more sure of themselves, even they really aren't. No wonder women have had such a hard time being taken seriously in the workplace!
So, for me, I am much more embarrassed about the reason for the crying than the crying itself. I probably don't even stick up for myself enough (at times) because I know that even subtle signs of feeling like you need to cry can be perceived by others. I'd rather walk away than let them see that they've affected me that way.
- tearhunter
- Godlike
Offline
- Registered: July 28, 2011
- Posts: 505
Re: Hi! I'm new here
Tear research is fun - would love to do more if I could 
I understand you comments on crying at times when you want to make a serious point and the crying ruins it. My wife has exactly the same issue, during a pay increase conversation with her boss when she felt that dispite good work performance she was getting less than male counterparts she burst into tears. She felt so strongly about the subject she could not control her emotions, but because she felt so strongly about it she continued to press her boss for answers dispite becoming increasing upset. She tried to ignore her crying, what annoyed her most was the wobbly voice which made it difficult to speak and get her point across. In ignoring her crying she left her tears to fall unchecked down her face - interestingly she often does this - she has the view that wiping tears away draws attention to them and makes it more noticable that she is crying. Find this a bit odd as watching tears slide down her cheeks makes it obvious she is crying! Anyway to his credit he did not mention or acknowledge my wifes tears - he did not give any indication of feel awkward himself or thinking my wife weak for crying. The meeting broke up without agreement, but a few months later she did get an interim pay rise.
I think I have similar views to my wife's boss on crying. I've seen many many work colleagues crying and I've honestly never felt any them are weak. It's not for me to judge a womans feelings and say whether she should or should not cry - it's her feelings her emotions. People cry at different times about different things - if you feel like crying (even in a work environment) then you should be able to cry without fear of ridicule.
I realise this view will never be widely accepted in the modern world, but if it did we would all see more crying from both sexes - which would increase our crying observations and enjoyment no end !
Oddly enough I've often found other women to be worse than guys when conforted with a woman crying - it's like they immediately think the tears are fake and put on - yet I've never found a woman who has deliberately made themselves cry in a work environment.
- Fallingtears
- Full Member
Offline
- Registered: June 12, 2012
- Posts: 34
Re: Hi! I'm new here
@Fallingtears, what about when you are crying on your own? I certainly allow my tears to fall unchecked when I cry alone, but I also cry unchecked tears with my wife and a close female friend - I've no embarrasement and it feels good to allow myself to completely submerge myself in my emotions. Generally feel better afterwards.
I do allow tears to fall unchecked when I'm by myself. I usually let them get to my chin or jaw before wiping them away.
It's interesting to hear the opinions and examples of crying at work. I hold a fairly responsible position in the company I work for and would do everything in my power to not allow myself to cry in front of my colleagues/subordinates/boss. I have worked there for 6 years and only cried twice at work during that time. Once in the restrooms in front of a female colleague and another time while chatting to my boss. Both times were very quickly controlled and only a couple of tears fell and they were both due to serious issues that were going on outside of work at the time.
Perhaps more people are ok with it than we realise, maybe??
Crying does not indicate you are weak, since birth it has been a sign that you are alive.
- •
Thread Starter- meantangerine
- Great One
Offline
- From: New York
- Registered: July 29, 2011
- Posts: 418
Re: Hi! I'm new here
Sorry to just be joining this conversation now, I've been abroad and have been busy with other things.
BadCr, I'm interested in the way you make yourself cry. About how often do you do this? For how long? How many tears do you shed, and do you wipe them away? Do you ever sob, or is it just tears? Thanks, and sorry for the barrage of questions!
It is such a secret place, the land of tears.
-- Antoine de Saint Exupery, "The Little Prince"
- BadCr
- Full Member
Offline
- Registered: July 30, 2011
- Posts: 45
Re: Hi! I'm new here
Sorry to just be joining this conversation now, I've been abroad and have been busy with other things.
BadCr, I'm interested in the way you make yourself cry. About how often do you do this? For how long? How many tears do you shed, and do you wipe them away? Do you ever sob, or is it just tears? Thanks, and sorry for the barrage of questions!
good question: The method I use is practically simple to use and probably everybody can learn. Basically it comes from simple Trataka practise which is a yoga cleaning exercise but I mostly combine it with some own tricks -for example: some visualisations to trigger more emotions, special eye and muscle movements etc... so as result -not only- more tears fall...
I estimate I do this about 1 time a month in average (however there were times -especially in my youth- when I did this almost every day or let's say at least one time a week).
for how long? that's always different: In average I do it for maybe 5-10 minutes
but theoretical I can go as long as I want. My maximum is probably more then 4 hours (when I had hard times, felt bad tensions, but also to experience how far I could go with that etc...) after that time I usually had no more enough tears, an ugly headache and also was too tired to go on...
amount of tears: I would say it really depend about how you specify "tear", how long and hard I cry, but also things like the angle how I turn my head while doing it . ^^
When I drink enough liquid (and alcohol) before and have enough sadness intus the amount can become quite much...
at least I can remember producing real puddles of *water* from it (no joke) especially when additional strong emotions involved. and it's for 90% tears but can lead to sob and everything else if the trigger is the right...
Last edited by BadCr (July 2, 2012 6:14 am)