1 - BraveEnough
- Full Member
Offline - Registered: July 19, 2012
- Posts: 13
My first post
Hello. I am a newbie here, female, late 40's. What I am about to post, I originally composed for a psychology-centered website, under fetishes. After 24 hours it has 66 views and no replies, which kind of disappoints me, so I created a profile here, and I'm hoping to talk more about this.
Nice to meet you.
Post follows:
Title: Thanks to this forum, I have learned a new word.
That word is dacryphilia.
I thought I was the only one on earth who found it weirdly arousing when a man cries. Obviously if there is a word for it, I'm not. Now, let me explain what I mean, and what I don't mean. I do not enjoy MAKING a man cry. I don't want to hurt him in any way. Tears of joy will stimulate me just as much as tears of pain will, maybe even more. I also don't mean that any time a man cries, I'm automatically going to want to jump his bones. I recently saw an old man tear up while renewing his wedding vows on his 50th anniversary. My thought then was not "ba-ZING" but more like "awww, how sweet." It brought me to tears too, along with every other woman in the room, but it was not a sexual experience for me.
I grew up in an atmosphere of abuse and violence. I think somehow, a man who is sweet and sensitive enough to cry is less threatening and intimidating to me. Maybe that's why the attraction. Certainly I despise the hyper-macho tough routine. It disappoints me to no end that my husband, who was also abused as a child, is now emotionally inhibited and virtually unable to cry. I want him to be vulnerable, to need me just like I need him when I'm emotionally upset, but he practically never breaks down no matter what, and I feel the loss. He is the first man I've ever been with who is that way. Some of my exes cried more often than I did, and didn't care who saw it. By the way, yes, I do find it absolutely a turn-off, not a turn-on, if a grown man is bawling out loud in public. Don't cut off your emotions entirely, mister, but CONTROL yourself! Exceptions may be made if it's a funeral, especially that of a close family member. Or if he's just been in a terrible accident and is severely injured. But neither of those is a sexual situation. Crying because of a sad song, story, or movie, now that's going to get me panting like a greyhound! Again, as long as it's controlled, not making a squalling, sobbing, blubbering scene. And may I note, with the Olympics coming up, I'm looking forward to seeing those gold medal winners cry on the podium. That is a "yowza" for me!
In the five years that I've known my husband, there has been one chip in the iceberg. He's lost three beloved human relatives, and showed no visible reaction. But when his elderly pet died, even that stoic, near-Vulcan man couldn't stop the tears from coming. I thought it was weird of me, that I've never loved him more than I did at that moment. Now I'm realizing it was not weird at all. He was letting me into his inner world, finally, and showing me a side of himself I'd never seen before. I can think about that day and fall in love with him all over again.
I only wish, for his own sake as well as mine, that he was not so inhibited.
- caircair
- Godlike
Offline
- From: Seattle
- Registered: June 23, 2012
- Posts: 630
Re: My first post
Wow, what a wonderful post! I've been trying to figure out how to introduce myself, and you've given me a great lead in.
Like you, I have always been attracted - but not sexually - to men crying. I can't remember when this feeling began, but I do remember a dream I had when I was quite young - no more than 7 or 8. The main aspect of the dream was that the man I was with began crying - sobbing really - with his head on my knees. I remember even as I woke up feeling like that dream was something I needed to remember.
As I got older, I would fantasize about my favorite actors or characters crying. In some cases it was due to a death, in others to a very emotional experience, but it was never because *I* made them cry. It was more that I was the comforter in this case.
All throughout my teens and 20's, I had the feeling that this was more than a fantasy - that at some point I would be in a position where I had to comfort a crying man for a reason not directly tied to me. I generally thought this was nothing more than a fantasy, but kind of half hoped the experience would happen.
One thing that attracted me to my husband was that he was sensitive and somewhat emotional. During our first month together he did tear up, but there was no actual crying. However, after we had been together for about four months his retina tore, and he was facing surgery to repair or replace it. He had already had quite a few eye surgeries due to chronic health problems (mostly genetic), and I knew he was quite worried about it. Two days before the surgery was scheduled I was at his place when he suddenly went into full panic attack mode. He was sobbing wildly, screaming "I can't walk! I can't walk!" and he asked me to call 911 for help. I went into full calm mode, called the medics and he and I went to the hospital where he was treated for anxiety. As he was lying on the gurney in the hall, I went to stand next to him and it was at that moment I realized my fantasy had actually happened. He was still crying but not as wildly, I just stood by and held his hand. Two days later, he had the surgery and all went well.
He had other panic attacks of a similar nature for a number of years, within the last couple years his meds were changed and he became much calmer. I actually don't miss the wild weeping, it was very hard for me to see him in such pain when there was nothing I could do.
I still find men crying attractive, however. Most recently, I read a headline about "How Firefly's Catch Phrase made Nathan Fillion Cry at Comic-Con" - I had to check it out. Eye wiping and nose blowing, but no real "Crying" per se. Very disappointing!
"We have our stalking memories, and they will demand their rightful tears."
Anonymous
- BraveEnough
- Full Member
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- Registered: July 19, 2012
- Posts: 13
Re: My first post
Yes, that comforter role. That's what it's all about for me. Or being happy with him and for him, if they're tears of joy. It's not quite a directly sexual thing, although I will find a man sexier if he's willing to cry. My husband is so emotionally blocked off that it really surprised me when he cried about his elderly cat dying. Then it royally turned me on, which also surprised me, because I was thinking, how weird is that? What kind of freako was I, that I'd be turned on because my husband is crying? (I controlled it.) I mean, I wasn't glad the cat died, or glad to see him hurting. It's just that I had felt like something was missing in our relationship, but after it happened (four years after I'd met him, two years into our marriage, and the only time he has ever cried in my presence) that piece wasn't missing anymore. He was human after all. I had begun to be afraid I'd married a machine.
Nobody would have known, without looking directly at him, that he was crying. He had tears streaming from his eyes, and he made an occasional gasping sound that almost could have been a slight laugh, but wasn't. But there was no change in his facial expression at all, and no change in his voice when he talked. This is typical of him. He is very much like Clint Eastwood with the only-one-facial-expression thing, no matter what is going on. What I saw that day, was as emotional as he ever gets. And he noticed, and commented on it himself, how extra-loving I became toward him afterward.
- •
Thread Starter- caircair
- Godlike
Offline
- From: Seattle
- Registered: June 23, 2012
- Posts: 630
Re: My first post
There's something so intimate about men who cry. The fact they let their guard down and we see behind the usual facade really does it for me. Since then I've seen my husband cry for reasons other than panic attacks, and I confess it does make me feel closer to him.
The only man I do NOT want to see cry is my father. The closest I've ever come to that was at my mother's memorial service last November. He had finished the eulogy and choked up on the last sentence: "Goodbye, Honey", but quickly pulled it together. I don't know how I'd react if I'd seen him actually break down - the thought scares me a bit.
"We have our stalking memories, and they will demand their rightful tears."
Anonymous
- TorNorth
- Administrator
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- Registered: July 24, 2011
- Posts: 1,576
Re: My first post
Welcome to the forums both of you 
Ugly crying is pretty crying
- carrotcake
- Godlike
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- Registered: July 29, 2011
- Posts: 541
Re: My first post
Welcome! I am also turned on by being the comforter.
- raindance85
- Unregistered
Re: My first post
Welcome! Both of you, to the forum, I hope you enjoy posting and looking around here.
- BraveEnough
- Full Member
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- Registered: July 19, 2012
- Posts: 13
Re: My first post
I really appreciate the replies. There are still none, at that psychology-related forum. I was beginning to think I really am a weirdo, and the only one who wants to talk about it.
- •
Thread Starter- caircair
- Godlike
Offline
- From: Seattle
- Registered: June 23, 2012
- Posts: 630
Re: My first post
I thought I was the only one who actually liked to watch actors cry. When I hear about a good crying scene, I do my best to check it out - I've even rented entire movies just to watch a 10 second crying scene. It really bugs me when an actor goes through the motions, but is too obviously acting. I go all cold and spend too much time on analyzing what's happening instead of getting the emotional rush that pulls me in.
"We have our stalking memories, and they will demand their rightful tears."
Anonymous
- meantangerine
- Great One
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- From: New York
- Registered: July 29, 2011
- Posts: 418
Re: My first post
BraveEnough wrote:
I really appreciate the replies. There are still none, at that psychology-related forum. I was beginning to think I really am a weirdo, and the only one who wants to talk about it.
You just needed to find some other like-minded weirdos . I'm a comforter too, and it's really hard to say how it ties into my sexuality. Crying (pictures, words, sounds, memories) is the only thing I think about when I want to get off, but I definitely have a more "conventional" sex life too, which I enjoy very much. I can physically feel the crossed wires in my brain, lol.
I totally get what you're both saying about feeling closer to your husbands when they cry (feeling sad and wanting to make it all better, but also really enjoying it). I'm the same way with my boyfriend. And I don't think it's purely a fetish thing either, because one time when I was crying, my bf told me that he had never loved me as much as he did at that moment. I think that's just one of the feelings that sometimes comes along with loving another person. And it's mutually beneficial: in that moment, I got the comfort I wanted and felt very, very loved, and he got the intense, nurturing pleasure that comes with helping someone you care about.
I'm thrilled that we have not one, but TWO new members! Welcome to you both, and enjoy the forum!
It is such a secret place, the land of tears.
-- Antoine de Saint Exupery, "The Little Prince"