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May 30, 2020 4:55 am  #1


When did you first notice you liked being comforted/comforting others?

I was on my way home from the mall with 3 of my other friends. (2f, 1m) we were in my mother's car as she was driving. (I must add I was 16 and my other 3 friends were 17). I had just done something I knew I would get yelled at by my dad when I got home. I began to get a little upset and tears began to slowly form in my eyes. I rested my head on my male friends shoulder and began to let the tears fall. He immediately leaned over kissed the top of my head and began whispering things like "ssshhh! It'll be alright. It's not that bad." Etc. Then he continued to kiss the top of my head for the reminder of the half hr+ drive to drop him off at his house. (This was probably about 16 yrs ago now and he has never seen me cry since). But that's the first time I really realised how good it felt to have someone comfort you/be there for you when you're upset.

 

May 30, 2020 5:29 am  #2


Re: When did you first notice you liked being comforted/comforting others?

I guess this has two answers, first, a little background. For some reason I don't know why I had the idea of boys don't cry,and I always suppressed tears, even when alone. I never cried for 20+ years.

When I was in fifth grade I saw one of the cutest girls in my classroom cry, and had the urge to wipe her tears, but being the shy, introvert boy I was, of course, it didn't happen. Until my late teens, I saw my crush crying, I was about 20 feet apart, and I had this strong impulse to approach her and wipe her tears, when a common friend asked me to bring her (my crush) a tissue for her to dry her face, so I went and brought her the tissue, and before giving it to her I brought my hand to her beautiful face and gently (but very nervous as I had never wiped anyone's tears before) wiped a tear from the outer corner of her eye and smoothly slid my finger down her cheek, wiping the tear streak as well. She turned to face me and smiled, I extended my other hand offering the tissue, which she took. It was a great experience, which almost happened with her again, unfortunately, she quickly wiped her eyes before I could.
That was my first time wiping tears from a female friend.

Now, the other way around, by then I really loved wiping tears from my female friends. I never expected to cry, less in front of a female, but I did, in front of my then fiancee (now my wife). This is a copy paste from another post, here goes: The first times I felt very embarrassed and locked myself alone in the bedroom. When I noticed it was inevitable that she would eventually see me cry, I trained myself (mentally) to not feel embarrassed for crying in front of my then girlfriend, anyways, I had seen her cry in every way she could possibly cry, from a single silent tear to full sobbing with her lip curled and tears streaming down her face. I thought, what could she see that I have not seen her do.I don’t remember the first time she saw me properly crying but I think it was when my mom died, she answered the call, I don’t know which of my relatives called her, she gave me the news, I was stunned, I thought I was already prepared for it (she already was ill at the hospital) and felt empty, she asked me for a hug, so I did. She told me it’s ok to cry, suddenly I felt a surge of emotion, like a ball of yarn in flames raising from my stomach to my head, and that’s when the dam broke. I flushed, my eyes stung and hot tears escaped my eyes burning their way down my flushed cheeks. Since we were hugging I couldn’t wipe them, I think they landed on my girlfriend’s sweater. Anyways, when the hug ended I was still in shock, I think I slowly lifted my hands to wipe my tear streaked face (or maybe I allowed them to fall unchecked, I don’t remember) but my girlfriend wiped both my cheeks, don’t remember if she used her thumbs or the pads of her fingers, but I do remember it was just below my eyes all the way to the outer corner of my eyes, clearing all running tears as well as the streaks from previous tears. While we were hugging she started crying too, so I corresponded wiping her tears from her beautiful cheeks.The first thing I thought was that this is how she must feel each time I wipe her tears, also, for some strange reason I got very aroused, since then, I stopped hiding my tears from her and expected her to wipe them, which fortunately has happened, several times, I think she has even kissed my tears. Anyways, that is my experience crying in front of my now wife.
This is also shared (different words) in the following link
https://cryinglovers.boardhost.com/viewtopic.php?id=1048

 

May 30, 2020 12:33 pm  #3


Re: When did you first notice you liked being comforted/comforting others?

Princess_Lucky1731 wrote:

I began to get a little upset and tears began to slowly form in my eyes. I rested my head on my male friends shoulder and began to let the tears fall. He immediately leaned over kissed the top of my head and began whispering things like "ssshhh! It'll be alright. It's not that bad." Etc. Then he continued to kiss the top of my head for the reminder of the half hr+ drive to drop him off at his house. (This was probably about 16 yrs ago now and he has never seen me cry since). But that's the first time I really realised how good it felt to have someone comfort you/be there for you when you're upset.

Wow, the first time your friend sees you crying, unchecked tears, you lean on him and still he didn't wipe them. Seems he didn' get the message, good he, at least, comforted you.
Do you still see him every now and then?

 

May 30, 2020 2:55 pm  #4


Re: When did you first notice you liked being comforted/comforting others?

I blame my very first crush!  LOL  She lived across the street from me, like directly across.

2nd or 3rd grade, I can't remember which, might've been 3rd.  We were at recess and she was sobbing.  She asked for help because she didn't want to be made fun of for crying.  So I stood in front of her to block other kids views, she put her forehead on my shoulder and whimpered, and we just acted like we were dancing, her hand in mine and her other friends did cartwheels and things to make it look more like we were all playing.

I think it was the teardrop falling off her cheek when she suddenly picked her head up to look at one of her friends that got me.  

 

May 30, 2020 4:26 pm  #5


Re: When did you first notice you liked being comforted/comforting others?

I grew up around very affectionate, touchy-feely people, so I was brought up in an environment where anyone who cried was comforted immediately by at least one person, maybe more. It's not that I "liked" or "disliked" being comforted. It was just the normal, routine thing to do so I didn't think about it. By the time I was 13-14 I thought I had a good idea of crying and comforting etiquette. 

Then I went to college and realized that a lot of people weren't brought up this way. When I first met my wife she HATED being TOUCHED when she was crying and this was hard to get used to, and I actually took it personally before I realized that she was brought up differently. She doesn't like wiping other people's tears, and I had to BEG her to kiss my tears away and it took years before she started to do it on her own. Everyone has a different idea of crying and comforting etiquette.

 

May 30, 2020 9:53 pm  #6


Re: When did you first notice you liked being comforted/comforting others?

truffle wrote:

I grew up around very affectionate, touchy-feely people, so I was brought up in an environment where anyone who cried was comforted immediately by at least one person, maybe more. It's not that I "liked" or "disliked" being comforted. It was just the normal, routine thing to do so I didn't think about it. By the time I was 13-14 I thought I had a good idea of crying and comforting etiquette. 

Then I went to college and realized that a lot of people weren't brought up this way. When I first met my wife she HATED being TOUCHED when she was crying and this was hard to get used to, and I actually took it personally before I realized that she was brought up differently. She doesn't like wiping other people's tears, and I had to BEG her to kiss my tears away and it took years before she started to do it on her own. Everyone has a different idea of crying and comforting etiquette.

I am glad you grew up in a sensitive family, I am a bit surprised your wife rejected being comforted when crying. What shocks me most is that she wouldn't even wipe your tears, most girls I know, even tomboys, are sensitive enough to be moved to wipe other's tears when crying. At least you managed, with a lot of effort, to have her wipe and kiss your tears and to allow her tears wiped.

I felt a bit sad you had to beg her to do so, honestly I think if I was in her place, you wouldn't even have had the need to say it out loud, a small hint would be more than enough for me to take care of all your tears.

 

May 31, 2020 5:28 am  #7


Re: When did you first notice you liked being comforted/comforting others?

Amans lacrimae wrote:

Princess_Lucky1731 wrote:

I began to get a little upset and tears began to slowly form in my eyes. I rested my head on my male friends shoulder and began to let the tears fall. He immediately leaned over kissed the top of my head and began whispering things like "ssshhh! It'll be alright. It's not that bad." Etc. Then he continued to kiss the top of my head for the reminder of the half hr+ drive to drop him off at his house. (This was probably about 16 yrs ago now and he has never seen me cry since). But that's the first time I really realised how good it felt to have someone comfort you/be there for you when you're upset.

Wow, the first time your friend sees you crying, unchecked tears, you lean on him and still he didn't wipe them. Seems he didn' get the message, good he, at least, comforted you.
Do you still see him every now and then?

I guess we were just that close as friends that I thought he wouldn't mind if I cried on his shoulder (and he didn't). I didn't choose to put my head on the other side where my female friend was sitting because she's the type who doesn't really like to be touched/ hugged by friends (you know the type). I think we were both too young to really think about the tear wiping aspect of the crying; but in hindsight (thinking about crying as I do now) it would have been nice if he did.  We're not nearly as close as we were but we still see each other maybe a handful of times a year as we have both moved (still in the same state but relatively far away).

Last edited by Princess_Lucky1731 (May 31, 2020 5:30 am)

     Thread Starter
 

June 3, 2020 8:02 am  #8


Re: When did you first notice you liked being comforted/comforting others?

For me, I'm surprisingly not as comfortable being comforted OR comforting others. Even though I am female, I usually hide when I'm crying, so I don't give others a chance to comfort me.

One thing I have noticed in the last year is that I love back rubs--especially when I'm crying. There was one time a few years ago when I was crying alone in my bedroom, and my mom walked in to check up on me (as she tends to do). She climbed into bed with me, obviously wanting to comfort me, but I turned away from her. So, she rubbed my back while I cried silently. It was nice.

Personally, I don't remember anyone wiping or kissing my tears. I'm not sure if I would like it, given how much I hate crying in front of people.

As for comforting people, I just feel awkward. I still try to comfort them--but I feel like I'm bad at it. Also, I feel so sad that they're crying that I don't get any enjoyment out of the moment.

I guess I like observing emotion, but not witnessing or experiencing it firsthand. Kinda odd, lol.


Still, by the clock's revolution each hour,
I dissolve into tears about ev'ry half hour.
 

June 3, 2020 8:19 am  #9


Re: When did you first notice you liked being comforted/comforting others?

azutid wrote:

For me, I'm surprisingly not as comfortable being comforted OR comforting others. Even though I am female, I usually hide when I'm crying, so I don't give others a chance to comfort me.

One thing I have noticed in the last year is that I love back rubs--especially when I'm crying. There was one time a few years ago when I was crying alone in my bedroom, and my mom walked in to check up on me (as she tends to do). She climbed into bed with me, obviously wanting to comfort me, but I turned away from her. So, she rubbed my back while I cried silently. It was nice.

Personally, I don't remember anyone wiping or kissing my tears. I'm not sure if I would like it, given how much I hate crying in front of people.

As for comforting people, I just feel awkward. I still try to comfort them--but I feel like I'm bad at it. Also, I feel so sad that they're crying that I don't get any enjoyment out of the moment.

I guess I like observing emotion, but not witnessing or experiencing it firsthand. Kinda odd, lol.

I know crying can feel shameful, embarrassing, a sort of internal pain.
I hope you find someone you trust enough in to comfort you, since you liked when your mom comforted you. Maybe soon someone will comfort you without you being that selfconscious.

Last edited by Amans lacrimae (June 3, 2020 8:21 am)

 

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