Ok, (deep breath) - I've finally decided to post this observation(s) but as I start to recall the event(s) and think what to say (and not say) the tears are once again rolling down my face - this could take me a while!

I'm not going to go into much detail regarding the cause, however I will say that the last few weeks mark a major anniversary of a tragic event in our life - the female observation is my wife!

As this anniversary approached I've felt my emotions building inside me, although I've felt it important to mark this date, I've also been dreading it. I knew it was going to be hard, I knew at some point I was certain to cry, but I don't think I expected it to hit me quite as hard as it has - the last few weeks have been very tough for me - and I guess they continue to be as I find myself crying again now - where is a female crying / comforting fetish lover when you need them!

Over the last 3 weeks or so I've probably cried a dozen times, although some run together and I've not had the energy to count them all exactly. This does not count the times when my eyes have filled with tears but not fallen down my face. I'm only going to mention two events here and my wifes (if you don't count the present).

The first event occured the day before the actual anniversary date, I was on the train heading home from work. I was on an earlier train that usual (thankfully, as you tend to meet the same people every day usually) as I had booked a couple of days off work because I knew work was the last thing I wanted to be bothered with. The train tends to be a place where you have nothing to do and it tends to be a place where I end up thinking about stuff. Not surprisingly my thoughts turned to the next few days. A very deep feeling of saddness seamed to radiate from my chest to every part of my body. I felt myself give a big sigh as my bottom lip trembled. My vision immediately became blurry and before I had a chance to even think about trying to control my emotions huge tears streamed down my cheeks. The train was very quiet (it was before the evening rush) but a woman (I guess in her early thirties) was sitting opposite me, facing me in a group of four seats. Thankfully this was the only person nearby! And although I immediately wiped the tears that had just fallen she noticed straight away that I was upset. She lent forward and very softly said, "can I help?" - even in my emotional state I picked up on this question, it was not "are you ok", as I was clearly not, but "can I help". Unfortunately, this had the effect of making me cry more, I really did not have much fight in me. Fresh tears began to fall as I stuggled not to completely lose it - I could feel I was on the verge of sobbing. As I tried to speak my bottom lip tembled and half gasped, half whispered the reason why I was crying. Not sure why I told her straight off but I did. She sympathised with my reasons for crying and we talked a bit - not much detail, but as we talked I continued to cry. The tears would not stop - and I was trying believe me! I tried to wipe most of them away, but several fell unchecked and dripped off my chin, my face was soaking wet. My bottom lip trembled way more than usual and my voice was so wobbly - I found it very difficult to say much. I got off before she did, I thanked her for her understanding and compassion but as I stepped off the train I left embarrased for my loss of control. I had a 20 minute walk up the road to home and I found myself still very emotional almost all the way home. I had it almost together when I got home, my wife noticed immediately that things where not good - but to prevent me from breaking down again I said I wanted to watch some TV and not talk about it right way.

The second event occured the very next day, as my wife and I marked this anniversary I felt the same feelings of deep sadness, but as it was just my wife and I it was ok for me to completely let go. My wife actually started crying first, I saw her bite her bottom lip and noticed tears forming in her eyes. She looked up and as she did so her mouth wobbled and a tear slowly rolled down her cheek. She looked so sad, this was the trigger that started my crying. Tears streamed down my face again. Unlike the day before on the train - this time I did not attempt to control my emotions. It has been years since I've cried so hard! My shoulders began to shake uncontrollably, I began to sob loudly. I put my hand to my mouth partly to suppress the sound but partly to hide my controrted mouth. These are things which hardly ever happen when I cry. Tears poured down my face. I could not speak, no audible words where possible. I was vaguely aware that my wife was by this time also crying hard. As we held each other I could hear her sobbing and feel her body shake. We cried together without saying a word for what seamed ages but I guess it was only 10 minutes or so. We eventully went back to our car and sat for a while, talking and crying - but not as intense as before. we both had tear splashes over our t-shirts and we must have looked a sight. I noticed my wifes eyes were very red and swollen, which is unusal for her. But, I noticed in the mirror as I drove away my eyes where just as red looking. As I drove the odd tear continued to leak from my eyes, I watched several in the mirror fall from my bloodshot eyes. It took several hours before I eventully stopped crying completely.

Well, that's probably as open and honest as I've ever been on here, most of the above has been typed with tears rolling down my face and neck. Feeling very emotionally drained at the moment, so I think I'll end this here. Feeling a bit uneasy about posting this as it really does lay my deepest emotions bare - but here goes!