1 - carrotcake
- Godlike
Offline - Registered: July 29, 2011
- Posts: 541
Almost told my best friend
So, I've posted on here about my best friend and how I've always wanted to see him cry. Well, today, we were chatting on the phone (he moved across the country recently), and we started talking about fetishes and paraphilias for some reason. We were discussing many specific fetishes, a little about the nature of them but mostly where fetishes come from and the brain chemistry behind them. I "casually" mentioned crying in a long list of fetishes, and later in the conversation, he brought up the crying again. Not in a specific way, because we'd been talking about MANY specific ones. But he said, "Hmm, a crying fetish could be awkward if that was the only way you could get aroused. I mean, imagine if your boyfriend had a crying fetish, and he could only be aroused and have sex if you were crying. And not just quietly with a few tears, but sobbing loudly. That would be weird for you, you know? Because you'd have to be upset every time you wanted to have sex."
Ha! My reflex was to go into a discussion about how maayyybe, there are people who are just turned on by emotions and/or the physical attributes, but it's not a necessity for sex. But I didn't want to dwell on this one particular fetish, because I was afraid he'd say, "How do you know so much about that?" He also asked, "So do YOU have any fetishes?" He has one minor one that's common and related to regular sex, and we know each other so well, and he's so non-judgmental that I almost told him. But I was afraid! Ack! I stuttered for a moment and I think he may have caught that, but I gracefully maneuvered out of the spotlight and I'm pretty sure he forgot about it. I sort of wish I'd told him, though! But then I sort of don't, because I'd have to sit here right now wondering what he was really thinking about it, and I'd never know, and I'd want to ask, and it would just be too much. Plus, I'd be worried he'd be uncomfortable sharing his emotions with me in the future. And I don't say that just because I love emotions... he's a very closed-off guy, and I'm really the only close friend he has, besides his wife. So he relies a lot on telling me personal things, and I wouldn't want to ruin that.
I was tempted, though.
- caircair
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- From: Seattle
- Registered: June 23, 2012
- Posts: 630
Re: Almost told my best friend
I understand what you mean, carrotcake. I finally told my therapist about my paraphelia, and she'd never heard of it! It was very uncomfortable for me, first of all explaining what it was, and secondly trying to "justify" why I felt the way I do. I haven't discussed it with her since, and probably won't. It's just too private a subject for me to bring up - heck, my husband doesn't even know!
"We have our stalking memories, and they will demand their rightful tears."
Anonymous
- woundedpuppy
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Re: Almost told my best friend
I bet you made the right choice by not telling him. It would be neat, though, to have some kind of short line memorized to test people's reactions to a crying fetish (of our sort) without giving oneself away, and then one could make their choice whether to tell or not tell based on the reaction. I figure this James Dean one sounds casual enough, although it's quite a dated reference, so it would be preferable to have a similar story from this century, if anyone knows one...
"I read James Dean used to cry on purpose to get girls to like him, and it worked! Can you believe it!? I guess they must have felt sorry for him and it made them want to hug and kiss him. Seems like a lot of women have a crying fetish or something. Pretty clever of him to figure that out, wasn't it!"
- carrotcake
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Re: Almost told my best friend
Yeah, it would be good to have a line to test the waters! Which is kind of what happened on the phone with him... I mentioned it, and he said a little something. It would be different if he knew I had one, though.
I have the feeling that most people wouldn't think of a crying fetish the way we do. Most people would probably view it as the enjoyment of others' pain, which isn't what my fetish is at alllll. But maybe I'm just saying that because I'd be so afraid that they'd think that. It just feels as if I couldn't provide a complete explanation about exactly what my fetish is without having a three-hour conversation and a bottle of wine, lol. I'd keep wanting to clarify, I'm sure... and it would be so impossible to know exactly what the other person was thinking.
Okay, you're so right, Woundedpuppy. I DEFINITELY made the right choice by not telling him. haha.
- •
Thread Starter- caircair
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- From: Seattle
- Registered: June 23, 2012
- Posts: 630
Re: Almost told my best friend
I don't think it's the enjoyment of other's pain, it's the enjoyment we feel when we are being compassionate toward someone else. Comforting someone in pain is pleasurable because it's altruistic, we feel good because we're making them feel better. It's just that tears are our trigger to provide the comfort we wish to give. I know that in certain cases, crying scenes inspire me to want to climb right through the screen to comfort the actor/character. In fact, that's my baseline on how good a crying scene is - is my immediate impulse to comfort, or do I just go analytical and observe the technique?
One of the better scenes was of Michael Crawford in the stage play Barnum (on DVD). There's a scene where his wife dies, and he begins to cry, lower lip trembling and tears running down his face. It rips my heart out every time!
After reading this thread, I wonder how many people go into fields like psychiatry, counseling and nursing because they have dacryphiliac tendencies?
"We have our stalking memories, and they will demand their rightful tears."
Anonymous
- carrotcake
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- Posts: 541
Re: Almost told my best friend
I agree, caircair. Counseling was actually my second choice for a profession, back when I was deciding what to study in college. But honestly, I felt weird knowing that I'd probably be turned on by patients' tears. I swear that my fetish was not the reason I considered being a mental health professional -- I'm really fascinated by the mind and I enjoy helping others through their difficulties in a purely innocent way. But it sort of skeeved me out to imagine sitting there across from a suffering man who had come to me (and paid me!) for help with his problems, and me getting aroused when he teared up.
- •
Thread Starter- yellowrose
- Great One
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- Registered: March 14, 2012
- Posts: 311
Re: Almost told my best friend
I think the common trend here is that there is a component of healing/comforting/compassion that is inherent to this for all of us. It would then only make sense that those of us who have such strong feelings would end up in professions that would allow us to live out that calling.
"...men do not cry. They will do anything BUT cry. They stop themselves crying. And eventually they do cry if it is bad enough. So that's how you know with a man how bad it is for him. Because he would've stopped himself...Men always cry like that. They don't cry and in the end they do and if they do then it's overwhelming." ~Michael Caine
- PaperThings
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Re: Almost told my best friend
I just want to say that I've told several friends (albeit, all of them female) some of them more as a generality ("it's so cute when guys cry") and some of them that it was an actual fetish, and not one has reacted as if it were anything out of the normal. I think there's a way to say it, sort of, so it sounds like a thing you'd never in a million years find strange, and why should they? No one's ever felt reluctant to cry in front of me (I don't think...) or anything like that.
Granted, I can't seem to have this kind of bravery with my other fetish - or with anything else about my life, lol - but for some reason this particular one just doesn't seem like a big deal to me.
- lemoniep
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- Posts: 61
Re: Almost told my best friend
I've also told a fair few people (at least seven by my count) and all have been interested and not weirded out, including boyfriends. I play up the comfort side, rather than allowing them to believe there's any kind of sadistic aspect.
PaperThings, do you think your uncomfortableness about your other fetish makes you feel braver about this one, as though by comparison it's more 'normal'? I certainly feel that way; I have one fetish that I feel so uncomfortable about that tears seems pretty tame. I thought I would never tell a soul, nor write about it in my journal or anywhere else, but the other night I finally confessed to my boyfriend, and he didn't think it was odd. So I've now chilled out a bit about strange fetishes in general.
- PaperThings
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Re: Almost told my best friend
^ It's definitely possible. Because I've heard plenty of non-fetishists say they think crying is cute/sexy, etc. (I also have some friends who think the exact opposite, but, hey), whereas with my other fetish... no one ever, ever outside of the fetish land would think it's cute (I don't think, anyway). So it feels much, much stranger. And whereas the other fetish I suppose could almost be considered 'gross' to some people, I hardly think most people would find crying "disgusting", maybe just something they're indifferent to outside of them realm of wanting people to be happy.