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April 17, 2021 4:42 am  #1


First time a friend comforted me (M/F)

This is my first post so I’m going to do a self-obs when one of my friends comforted me. I don’t cry that often, so most of my friends hadn’t seen me cry. This is way before covid happened. It was during school and I was at my apartment in a town away from home, when I got a phone call that was bad news. At first in a state of shock and personal denial, so I seemed composed and even consoled my family over the phone, trying to be there for them. Then nighttime hit, and everything suddenly hit me. I still couldn’t let it out though. So I decided to reach out to one of my close friends who lived a few miles away from me. 

A little background on this friend, let's call him Kay (not his real name but sounds close lol). We met last year of high school through my past best friend (let's call her Gina), and we both started catching feelings for each other and he asked me out, and also to prom. Gina then told me that she had liked him before I had even met him, and if I go with him she’ll get upset and would never forgive me. She was also going through some very tough personal problems and I didn’t want to make her more upset. So I told him that I couldn’t, and most of our other friends knew about Gina's feelings, and someone told him the reason. He told me that’s immature of her and they confronted each other and started having issues. I felt the need to take her side and protect my friend at all costs, so I told him that there was never anything between us and I don’t feel the same about him (which was a lie of course). So it didn’t work out between me and him but still managed to remain close platonic friends, and even chose our uni together. Gina was still not okay with any of that. 

 So I called Kay explaining what had happened, and that I didn’t want to be alone right now. He told me that he’s going to pick me up and take me to his dorm. When I got there I was still in denial and wanted to conceal my feelings so we played upbeat music and I was making jokes (defense mechanism i guess) and he was going along with them to cheer me up. We were sitting and talking on his bed as I was helping him with an art assignment when I started getting messages regarding the bad news. That’s when it hit me, and I cried in front of Kay for the first time. My throat was hurting as my eyes filled with tears. I tried hard to hold back the tears to the point where it was getting difficult to breath. I put my phone away and let loose. He instantly turned off the music. I was sobbing at that point, and looked away from him as it is hard for me to cry in front of others. He wrapped his arms around me from behind and pulled me into his chest. I was shaking, so he wrapped his arms around my shoulders to keep me still. I noticed a few teardrops dropping off my cheekbones and splashing on his arms and bed. He then stroked my hair as he said comforting words to me, and that was the moment I realized that I regretted not choosing Kay over Gina, who didn’t even message me to ask me how I was. It was too late now though because he had already started talking to another girl. Though they weren’t official, we had stopped talking about our feelings for each other years before that and had become best friends in uni.  

After a short time, I got shy again and pulled away. I felt so vulnerable that he was seeing me like this. This was before I started opening up to more friends. “I'm so sorry” I kept repeating and wiping my tears. “There’s nothing to be sorry for. I want to be here for you” he assured me. It broke my heart even more, considering how bad I had treated him to defend Gina’s feelings when she never cared about me and didn't even bother to check up on me. I looked at him shyly as I was filled with grief, guilt, and regret inside. He then moved back some hair that was sticking to my face. I was trying so hard to keep it together, but I broke down again. I leaned forward towards him as tears fell down on the bed. He said "come here" and pulled me in again. He’s also a lot taller than me (he’s 6’2), so my face was buried in the lower crook of his neck. My tears dripped straight out of my eyes on his neck and collarbone. He rubbed my lower back and stroked my hair until I was done sobbing and was just silently shedding tears.  

The whole crying session took about an hour until I got a headache and stopped crying. As I was getting up I noticed his neck was visibly wet with my tears. “Sorry you had to see me like this”, I laughed and covered my face with my hands. He laughed back and told me to stop apologizing, and that I still looked good even when I cried. I had realized that I really enjoyed being comforted by him, and the feelings that I had been pushing away for years was rushing back. It was getting late and I knew that he had an early class the next day. I told him I should leave soon, but to my surprise, he insisted that I stay the night because I shouldn’t be alone right now. He offered me his bed and slept on the couch that night. I had a strong urge to confess my feelings to him that night, but it didn't feel like the right time concerning the situation that I was in. In the morning, I thanked him for taking care of me, and we grabbed coffee together.    

Last edited by Ashkin (April 17, 2021 5:03 am)

 

April 17, 2021 3:29 pm  #2


Re: First time a friend comforted me (M/F)

Thanks a lot for sharing Ashkin, I find it very brave for you to reach out a friend when you don't cry in front of others, I also find it extremely sweet since you looked for comfort, yet you felt ashamed for it. I have a couple of questions regarding this obs.
You mention your tears falling on his arms, did they fall on his skin or was he wearing long sleeve?
You also mention he moved back some hair that was sticking to your face, did he wipe your tears as he did so?
When you noticed tears on his neck, did you also notice his shirt or t-shirt wet with your tears?
Since this was the first time you cried in front of him, have you cried in front of him since? If so, did you react the same way (apologizing and wiping your tears) or have you been more open? Has his reaction towards you crying changed (more intimate comforting, wiping or kissing your tears) or has it been the same?

 

April 18, 2021 9:39 am  #3


Re: First time a friend comforted me (M/F)

He was wearing a t-shirt so my tears were falling on his skin. He didn't wipe my tears, and I think it's because he didn't want to cross any boundaries. I had told him before that I don't really cry in front of others, and I guess he didn't want to make me more uncomfortable. Also he was already talking to someone else at the time, so it would've been too much for him as well. 
And yeah the collar of his navy t-shirt was soaked towards the end. There were also random wet patches around the shirt as well, from tears dripping guess. He saw me cry couple more times; I'm going to post the obvs soon! 

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