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November 30, 2021 4:52 am  #1


(F) Self obs.

Okay, so, I've never done one of these before. But I figure- if it makes y'all feel any good type of way, it wouldn't hurt to share.

I've been crying a lot lately. I never cried too much as a kid; I yelled a lot, screamed from sensory overloads or from irritability. We didn't know it back then, but I'm autistic. A lot of girls are never diagnosed, especially in to later adulthood. I think that ties in to my lack of emotional regulation. That said, my mental illnesses influence that too. But lately, my crying has been influenced by circumstance.

Over the past two weeks I believe I've cried at least twenty times. I'm struggling with being without a home at the moment- as well as being without money. All my losses came to a head a few weeks ago. I found myself sobbing, often. The kind of sobs that are quiet at first, then rip from you when they're too heavy to handle. The kind that makes your throat so raw you can't speak for three days.
When I'm not sobbing, my tears well up. They gather and threaten to spill, my chin tightens in an effort to keep them locked in, but it is pointless. The tears spill. Sometimes I let them dry in streaks of eyeliner down my neck and chest. Sometimes I cry so much the tears gather on my breasts. Maybe that is too intimate to share- that said, crying is such an intimate thing, you know? It can be so personal, so relieving that it is almost masturbatory in nature.
Sometimes the cries feel good. Sometimed they don't. Sometimes they leave the plump edge of my upper lip raw from the salty tears.

I cry often. I cry openly. If you'd like to hear about it more, let me know.

Last edited by ComfortCasanovette (November 30, 2021 4:54 am)


What am I if not a woman who likes hot men who cry a lot
 

November 30, 2021 4:58 am  #2


Re: (F) Self obs.

Hey Cas, I'm really sorry about your situation, I hope it gets better soon, but I would definitely like to hear more about it (if you're comfortable, of course).

When you cry, are you usually alone, or is there someone with you? Also, I agree with you, I find crying more intimate than sex, I'm pretty sure most guys would rather be watched having sex than crying (not sure if girls). One more question, you say you cry openly and that eyeliner streaks are marked on your cheeks, do your tears usually run in a single streak, multiple streaks are marked on your face or does your face become so wet that no individual tear streaks can be traced?

 

November 30, 2021 5:05 am  #3


Re: (F) Self obs.

Amans lacrimae wrote:

Hey Cas, I'm really sorry about your situation, I hope it gets better soon, but I would definitely like to hear more about it (if you're comfortable, of course).

When you cry, are you usually alone, or is there someone with you? Also, I agree with you, I find crying more intimate than sex, I'm pretty sure most guys would rather be watched having sex than crying (not sure if girls). One more question, you say you cry openly and that eyeliner streaks are marked on your cheeks, do your tears usually run in a single streak, multiple streaks are marked on your face or does your face become so wet that no individual tear streaks can be traced?

When I cry, it varies greatly. I've had friends hug me while I cry. Sometimes it encourages harder sobbing, the tighter I am held. I end up getting tears all over their clothes, sometimes their arms or their neck- I cry rather large tears. When I cry alone, I cry in to my hands or- promise not to make fun of me on this- ocasionally on to one of my stuffed animals (they bring me comfort, what can I say?)
My tears can vary. I tend toward edgier makeup which means more eyeliner and ocasionally glitter or gemstones. These things can deflect tears into various patterns across my face- criss crossed, a Y shape down my cheeks and down my neck and chest, or, if I rub my cheeks too much, one big blotchy mess. It certainly varies on the cry!

Last edited by ComfortCasanovette (November 30, 2021 5:06 am)


What am I if not a woman who likes hot men who cry a lot
     Thread Starter
 

November 30, 2021 5:12 am  #4


Re: (F) Self obs.

I guess those friends are used to end with rather big spots on their clothes and tears splashing hard on them (as you mention large tears). I can tell you I'm quite touched by you crying on your stuffed animals, when I feel sad I hug my puppy (also fluffy, your stuffed animals reminded me of the feeling of my small puppy when I hold him against my face definitely not making fun of you).
Do your friends wipe or kiss your tears when they see your large tears and thick streaks unchecked?

 

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