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May 8, 2023 4:56 pm  #1

scared of being hated because of this fetish

me and my friends have a small discord server where we play romantic visual novels together. we often discuss our tastes in characters and stories. i feel like my fetish is weird so i had to tell them that i just like sad stories, not a word about crying itself. they accepted that and always tell me if they find something good. i feel guilty every time they find anything. i'm scared that one day they will realize what i REALLY like... or that they have already realized everything. some time ago they were discussing a VN where the main character found out that she's attracted to the guy's tears. they called her cruel and sadistic. some of them refuse to even mention her and this entire VN just for that reason. i'm afraid they will say the same things about me. of course, i can just keep the fetish a secret for the rest of my life, but i bet they already noticed that 28 of my favorite characters have only one thing in common and that i instantly start liking a character who i hated before once i see their tears.

to be honest... sometimes i wish i could stop being afraid and tell them. that would make my life so much easier. but how can i stop being afraid of their answer? how to accept that fetish and stop blaming myself for having it?


May 8, 2023 8:48 pm  #2

Re: scared of being hated because of this fetish

i think the most important thing is to stop thinking about your fetish as a weird or shameful thing. people generally don't control what they're attracted to, only the way they react to it. treating yourself like you are (or might be considered) a bad person simply for your fetish is just going to make you feel worse about it. it's a self-destructive loop. if you're not hurting real people, you're not doing anything wrong.

i'd say to start by telling your friends that you like VNs where the characters cry. you don't even have to explain why. and if they're unnecessarily judgemental about that, well. they're not being very good friends.


May 26, 2023 4:25 pm  #3

Re: scared of being hated because of this fetish

You don’t need to judge yourself for the things you’re into. You’re not hurting anyone. And I can virtually guarantee that at least one of your friends is into something weird. Come to think of it, having such a strong reaction to the character who was into guys’ tears, might indicate they’re protesting too much and they’re actually into tears too. 

Your friends are far more likely to take ‘my friend likes sad scenes’ at face value than wonder ‘but what individual element of sad scenes does my friend like?’  

If they do start asking questions, you could say you like seeing guys be emotionally vulnerable. Most of us who like male tears, the single biggest reason is because we like the vulnerability. 

Don't mind me, I'm just here to fill my Lachrymatory of Holding.

May 26, 2023 5:00 pm  #4

Re: scared of being hated because of this fetish

To me having this fetish is like a break from a taboo about guys and over time I noticed that some guys I knew didn't feel bothered at all about it as long as It's not even sexual. It's a strange sort of emotional and intellectual stimulation of the whole process of seeing a man in tears, something I often see indirectly through artistic means. So why should it be shameful after all ? I haven't hurt anyone, nor exploited anyone in order to get this response so I don't think it's something I should feel any shame for.

''I like crying. And now I not only wanna cry and show my crying to other people, I wanna just split myself down the middle and open my guts and just throw everything out!''
Woody Harrelson

May 27, 2023 5:44 am  #5

Re: scared of being hated because of this fetish

I agree with psychic_girl. This isn't at all sexual for me, I get an emotional thrill rather than a sexual one. There's the vulnerable aspect, the "taboo" aspect, but mainly for me it's about comforting. I have no desire to see anyone I know in tears -- the few times it's happened I was so caught up in the situation that there was no thrill, just an overwhelming need to ease the emotional pain. But when I see a well acted crying scene, I feel a strong desire to comfort that person (man), whether by holding him, patting his shoulder, or having him cry on my shoulder. There's a very strong sense of emotional intimacy from that happening that is more satisfying to me than out-and-out eroticism or sexual scenes. (I've often wondered if I may be demisexual or even asexual since emotional connection is much more important to me than physical connection.)

"We have our stalking memories, and they will demand their rightful tears."

June 2, 2023 7:13 pm  #6

Re: scared of being hated because of this fetish

Also, I am interested in exploring crying in every medium. Which one had the girl who was attracted to the guy's tears?

Don't mind me, I'm just here to fill my Lachrymatory of Holding.

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