Me (Male)

1. Without a doubt I would prefer to cry in front of a female. I have a general view that women understand crying far better than men and are far more accepting of it and tolerent of it. I would not be comfortable crying in front of another guy under any circumstances. I've cried in front of both a male and female Doctors in the past. I cried openly in front of the female Doctor. I front of the male Doctor I fought the urge to cry with all my energy - even though the situation warranted tears. He would have realised I was crying but I did not acknowledge this fact to him - I wiped tears directly from my eyes, I did not want the presence of tears on my face to be a constaint reminder that I was crying!

2. Generally I'm not embarrased to cry in front of a female, as long as it is a 1-2-1 situation. My crying is not a spectator sport and would not be comfortable in a group, even if it was all female. I would acknowledge the fact that I was crying and probably try and explain why. I would not leave the situation. It would be completely different in front of a guy - I would want the ground to swallow me up!

3. In front of a woman I would allow myself to cry - it would probably be doing a world of good. I would fight the tears in front of a male.

4. I am generally very tearful when I cry - I find it very difficult to control tears and more often than not they will flow thick and fast. Because of this when crying in front of someone I'm not embarrased to cry in front of I'll allow my tears to fall unchecked. Because I'm not embarrased crying in front of a woman they will tend to get the whole package. My voice will go wobbly (with a guy I would stop talking as part of the trying to regain control). Sobbing is very rare as is a bulging lip - but if they appeared I would allow them to be visible with a woman.

5. Not surprisingly I would not want a guy to make any reference to my crying at all - completely ignore please. With a woman, ok with general acknowledgement if its a few tears only, but if I'm very upset and the crying intensity is high a gentle hand on the back would be nice.

My Wife (Female)

1. As long as she feels the crying is justified my wife will openly cry in front of any professional person, male or female - she has done so on numerous occasions and is not really bother if its male or female.

2. My wife generally does not get embarrassed about her crying. Although she will not generally acknowledge the fact that she is crying or talk about it in anyway, even if it's completely obvious that she is crying - she will just talk through it. Because of this approach a lot of people have seen my wife cry over the years. Some have commented to me afterwards how openly she cries and the fact that tears have flowed unchecked, I've often wondered if they have a crying fetish! - but I've never asked.

3. She will let herself cry but she does not like it to go on to long or become too intense - mainly because it prevents her from communicating effectively and getting out the points she wants too. She gets more bothered about the emotional voice and light sobbing than her tears.

4. My wife rarely wipes her tears, they tend to flow unchecked in every crying scenario. She does get annoyed about her wobbly, shaky voice as it gets in the way of her talking. More so when it drops to a whisper. The one thing she hates about crying (which only occurs during intense crying) is her running nose. She will use a tissue to wipe her nose and leave tears running down her face.

5. I think she prefers that her crying is not acknowledged and is generally ignored. She does like a hug from me when she is crying but not from people she is not 'close' too.

Female

1. I'd prefer to cry in front of another woman, undoubtedly. Like you, tearhunter, I feel that women understand crying much better than men do. Many man, I think, would feel awkward about another person crying in front of them, which would make me feel awkward too.

2. I have cried in front of my female Director of Studies and not been particularly embarrassed but I cannot imagine finding crying in front of a male supervisor anything but excruciating. If I know the woman a little and she is reasonably sympathetic, I would not feel too embarrassed. I do tend to apologise for my crying, though.

3. I would probably allow myself to cry within reason; I would not like to have a full-on sobbing breakdown. If I have got to the point where I cannot stop myself from crying in the first place, I think I'd feel weird stopping immediately - as though the tears hadn't been genuine.

4. I would wipe tears away, but I would not stop talking to hide a wobbly voice.

5. Depending on how well I know the person, I would prefer some kind of contact - a hand on my shoulder, perhaps. In the situation you have described, with a professional person, I would not like to be hugged, as I would find that embarrassing. I would prefer to be offered tissues. A person ignoring my crying would make me feel awkward.

Female

1. Would you prefer to cry in front of some of the same sex or opposite sex?  Same sex.  Although my real preference would be not to have any witnesses.

2. Would you be embarrased about your crying, even though you feel your emotions are justified? Would you apologise for crying? Attempt to flee the situation?  It would depend on the situation.  I would probably try to get to the ladies room before the breakdown hit.

3. Would you allow yourself to cry or would you fight to stop yourself as soon as possible?  If I'm alone, I'll let myself cry.  If in front of other people, I'll attempt to stop ASAP.

4. How would you react to any tears or other crying characteristics (i.e. wobbly voice, bulging lip etc)?   I let the tears flow unchecked.

5. How would you like the other person to react? (ignore your crying, offer a tissue, hold your hand, give you a comforting hug etc).  It would depend on who it is.  If it's someone I'm close to, offer a tissue and sympathy.  If it's someone I'm only an acquaintence with, just a tissue.  If a stranger, ignore it.  But again, I'd prefer to be alone and will do my best to seek solitude before I cry.

Last edited by caircair (January 9, 2013 1:25 am)

TorNorth wrote:

I didn't know you had the lip bulge, WP :D

Oh, I dunno, I didn't mean to get too technical or anything... I took it from Tearhunter's wording in his question, I think.  If there's those who have "the lip bulge" and those who "don't", I'd probably say I'm one of the don'ts, but on the other hand, I would have thought that everyone's mouth looks slightly different when they're crying to any serious degree, including mine.  Like slightly downturned corners of the mouth, longer chin?  Like, I don't honestly know, because I'm never in front of a mirror when I'm holding back tears.  It's just a guess from childhood memories that the more strongly I held back the tears, the less controlled (and uglier, in my estimation) the lower half of my face was.  That's all I'll swear to for now. ;)

Last edited by woundedpuppy (January 9, 2013 1:53 am)

Thanks all, interestingly from your comments it appears both male and female criers prefer to cry in front of a female professional. Most of you would stay put and not flee the scene and would let yourself cry (a bit at least).

I asked a female question 1 yesterday and she also said she would prefer to cry in front of another female - when I asked why she said that the woman she was crying in front of has probably cried herself over something in the last few days, weeks whereas a guy may not have cried in years! A women knows that sometimes you just need to cry where crying makes a guy uncomfortable and confused!

All I wanted to say was "not this one" - but didn't

Feel free to add more comments and for those who have not answered yet feel free to respond - no real time limit, just feeding my curiousity