carrotcake wrote:

Keep doing what you're doing; you're a fantastic boyfriend to her.

Agree agree agree. Grief is a complicated thing; it's not just sadness, as you know. There can be a lot of anger (sometimes misplaced), isolation, despair, sometimes even relief. I know you'll stick with her through this difficult time and she'll appreciate it in the future, even if she's too wrapped up to appreciate it now. Keep going to the counselor. You need the support too. I'm sure you know how taxing it is to be someone's caretaker like you're doing now.
By the way, just so you know I'm not just pulling this out of my ass, my mother's brother killed himself about a year ago, and my mother still struggles with it every day. I live at college most of the time, but even during the short times that I'm home, it just takes everything out of me to be in that house where grief is so present. I'm sure carrotcake is in the same situation, and it sounds like caircair has too. Everybody loses someone eventually, and it's so important to remember that we're never alone in it. Thanks for sharing with us.

Im getting more and more worried.....

Ive been trying to fix up her favourite meals even in smaller portions but she wont touch anything...she's only drinking becuause im forcing her to, because she has to keep drinking.....her mum has taken a real turn for the worst much earlier then they thought she would, and she now has virtually no time left at all...my gf is a real state about this. The other night i woke up in the middle of the night, and she wasnt in the bed..i got up looking for her, and she was doing housework, in the middle of the night.....i asked her if she was ok, and she just crumbled into pieces...she sat down on the sofa, and started sobbing uncontrollably, saying how she couldnt lose both of her parents, and what would she do if anything happened with us...i re-assured her that we were rock solid and that i would always be there for her. But she was in a right state, and it broke my heart. We switched the TV on and i threw a blanket over her, and we snuggled up on the sofa together, until she dropped off to sleep, her eyes were red and puffy, and she was a real sniffly mess before she went to sleep. After she had gone to sleep, i started to cry a little, silently. Tears rolled down my face, and i tried to stay quiet so i wouldnt wake her up.....seeing her like this, breaks my heart and i hate it. I pulled a tissue from the box next to us, and wiped my nose because it was starting to run...i held her tightly not wanting to let her go...

she didnt go to work today. I made sure she stayed in with me, i also took the day off to be with her. We both had no sleep, and she wasnt in a fit state to go to work, and i didnt feel comfortable leaving her on her own today. We woke up, and i asked her if she was ok, she said she was, but i could see she wasnt, and i gave her a cuddle, and kissed her on the forehead, and told her we would get through this together. She held my hand, and said she knew, and that she was grateful for everything i was doing for her. I told her to relax today, and that i was going to bring her some toast and a cup of tea. Originally she didnt want to eat it, but i managed to get her to eat 1 slice of toast and drink her tea, which i was very happy about. She started to feel sleepy, so i left her upstairs to go sleep....

a few hours later, i went in and checked on her. She was awake, and starting to cry. I went in, sat on the bed, and sat there as she rested her head on my lap. I passed her a box of tissues, and told her to let it all out. She was crying for around 35-40 minutes. She was talking throughout as well, saying stories about her mum and how she couldnt handle it when she passes away....some tears started to roll down my cheeks as well, i stayed quiet though not wanting her to know i was upset as well...i like her to think im her rock and that i will always be there for her no matter what. However she up at me, and saw i was upset, she asked what was wrong, i said nothing and kissed her. She said to tell her....so i did...i told her i love her more than life itself, and that it breaks my heart to see her going through all this.....she snuggled towards me tighter, and kept saying that she's grateful for me helping her through this.....she knows i love her more than life itself....but i am struggling i just hope,i have enough strength to get the pair of us through this.

It's true, it's okay to cry in front of her. It doesn't make you any less of a rock.

appreciate all the support guys, means a lot at this horrible time...

Today's been a very tough day, and one which i wont be sad to see go by. She went to work today insisting she would be ok. We got up this morning, i asked her how she was, she said she felt a bit better today, but i knew that she was still very fragile, and shouldnt be going back to work, but she wouldnt take no for an answer. I was at work, i had been there for 2 and a half hours, when i got a phone call. It was from my girlfriend's work colleague, saying i need to pick my girlfriend up straight away! I asked what the issue was, and she said that was a mess, and shouldnt be at work. I obviously went and got her straight away, but i was suddenly made out to be the bad guy. My girlfiriend was convinced she was able to work, and that she could get through the day, and she wasnt happy when i said she neeed to come home... She had clearly been crying her eyes were red and puffy again, and there was tissues scattered all over her desk. I pleaded with her to go home and just rest, and get all her thoughts together or go and see her mum. On the way home she just moaned at me saying how i needed to let her stay at work and that i apparently only care about myself.....

i was stunned. Ive done nothing but support her and be there for her, and now suddenly im the bad guy. Anyway we got home, i made her a cup of tea but she didnt wanna know. She just sat on the sofa silently with tears rolling down her face. I put a blanket and a box of tissues next to her, and decided to go in the other room. She ended up falling asleep. So i put the blanket over her, and tidied up the tissues.....

things will only get worse when her mother does pass away