Yeah, I think I should try that again. I don't know what other sad memory to use, though... any other unpleasant memories I have pale in comparison to this. I think it might be okay to use her passing as the memory, since that's what I want to cry about, and I think about her a lot anyway. It wouldn't be a shock to think about it.

It's also awkward because I live somewhere now with neighbors and thin walls. Maybe I should try this in the car, haha.

Sounds like you've got some new things to try now.  Let us know when you succeed, what technique you had to use, and most of all, good luck!!
 

carrotcake, try this on for size.  Watch a sad movie, and if it only makes you cry a tear or two, remember your mother and think about her while you're crying that tear.  That ought to do the trick right there.

Quick thought - if it's your mother that is your trigger, movies like "The Joy Luck Club" and "Brave" may do the trick.  They never fail to make me cry because the Mother-Daughter relationship(s) bring up memories of my mom and me.

tearhunter wrote:

I agree with other posters if it's your mother you want and need to cry about then her memory will need to feature heavily in your mind. But, be careful - you obviously want to cry 'properly' but with a view to making you feel better in the long run - be aware of your sadness and loss turning inward and making you feel worse while trying to make yourself cry.

I'm assuming you are looking to breakdown completely and sob uncontrollably. The fact that you have been crying and shedding a few tears means you are letting out some emotions - I'm guessing not enough though. Have you experiences in the past where this intensity of crying has helped you.

The only suggestion I can add to the ones already given is sit down and talk about your mother with your boyfriend. Does your boyfriend know your triggers well enough to focus on the aspects of your mother's passing that will cause you to start crying? Even in this situation you will need to open yourself up completely and feel every emotion and every bit of pain as strongly as you can. Many people breakdown and cry during counselling so carrying out a counselling type setting my result in the desired effect.

Please, just be careful - you will know what works for you but be aware if you feel your getting too depressed.

Thanks for this; it's very good advice. I did cry a little bit a few days ago about my mother, and it felt good. I have had experiences in the past in which an uncontrollably sobbing episode has helped me let out a lot of emotions, so I was hoping (and still am) for one at some point here.

My boyfriend definitely knows my triggers well enough to hit on the right ones. The only problem is that if he did this, he would probably start to cry, too. What makes me emotional is not necessarily remembering her actual death (this just makes me anxious), but remembering kind things she did for me, things that she'll miss in the future, etc. This is a touchy subject for my BF as well, because he was dealt a crappy set of childhood cards and is still dealing with the effects of his emotionally abusive parents, so he would probably begin to tear up as well. And, of course, the inevitable result is that if he starts to cry, I get turned on, and I have trouble focusing on my own emotions. Ah, the downside of being a crying fetishist!

I haven't really had the opportunity recently to think about crying because I've been working and traveling a lot. I think I will shed a few tears at some point today, because it happens to be my birthday, and it's the first one without my mother. I hope there will be some happy tears mixed in, because I don't want to spend my birthday crying and upset. But in the next couple of days, I might pull out some photo albums, maybe talk to my boyfriend about my mother, and see what happens.

I'll definitely post about any tears I manage to conjure. ;)