1 of 1- yellowrose
- Great One
Offline - Registered: March 14, 2012
- Posts: 311
Guilt
So I had a convo with a guy friend of mine who is in his words 'heartbroken' about possibly the first person he loved. No tears but very very candid. Am I an awful person for wanting to be there for him and let him pour his heart out to me? I feel so disingenuous but at the same time I want to take care of him regardless of whether he cries or not ... ugh I hate my fetish sometimes! !
"...men do not cry. They will do anything BUT cry. They stop themselves crying. And eventually they do cry if it is bad enough. So that's how you know with a man how bad it is for him. Because he would've stopped himself...Men always cry like that. They don't cry and in the end they do and if they do then it's overwhelming." ~Michael Caine
- woundedpuppy
- Godlike
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- Registered: July 27, 2011
- Posts: 554
Re: Guilt
Here's my opinion. Think about what you just asked. Re-read your own words:
yellowrose wrote:
Am I an awful person for wanting to be there for him and let him pour his heart out to me?
You literally asked if you are an awful person for wanting to be there for this guy.
I feel so disingenuous but at the same time I want to take care of him regardless of whether he cries or not ... ugh I hate my fetish sometimes! !
Perhaps the real question you wanted to ask (not meaning to sound presumptous, I'm more using this thread as a general example of something that I see coming up time and again with people with crying fetishes), is whether it is morally OK to take care of him when you have a sexual (or non-sexual) love for crying observations. Whether it is being "opportunistic".
Well, I'm a believer that if you do good to people, it doesn't matter what the motives are. I believe that actions speak so much louder than words (and thoughts!) So if I'm hanging around a guy during an emotionally difficult period and helping him, in my opinion, the fact that I have a secret fetish doesn't matter. What matters to me is the actions I take. That's what I'm accountable for. Not my thoughts.
You're not the person who hurt him... nothing is your fault here... so obviously, in my humble opinion, not only are you not an awful person, but you should embrace this opportunity to be a sympathetic listener for him because it could do both of you some good... and please post observations... even if he doesn't cry!! I love hearing about vulnerable conversations... even if someone thinks they're going to cry and doesn't end up doing so, the tension that they might cry is... wow... so incredibly sexy... it's such a tease!!
Last edited by woundedpuppy (June 8, 2013 8:03 pm)
- caircair
- Godlike
Offline
- From: Seattle
- Registered: June 23, 2012
- Posts: 628
Re: Guilt
Yellowrose, I've been in similar situations, and I have to say that invariably when the person finally does cry, my fetish doesn't crop up at all. I'm too focused on helping the other person feel better to take any sort of pleasure out of their crying. I might use the memory of it later on but at the time, no.
In some ways, I think people like us are more likely to be the person someone goes to when they need comforting, because they know we'll be there for them. We're geared toward others crying because we've been in pain. It's our altruistic nature coming to the forefront.
"We have our stalking memories, and they will demand their rightful tears."
Anonymous
- woundedpuppy
- Godlike
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- Registered: July 27, 2011
- Posts: 554
Re: Guilt
I am willing to be vulnerable and share my own pain with the person I am comforting. I think this is helpful to people. At the core of it, I want to understand them in a non-judgmental way and relate to their pain. It is basically an unspoken thing, but it's the difference between being "above" them while comforting them (enjoying being a savior or a fixer or being charitable) and being at their level. I do think it's helpful to people and that's why I wouldn't feel guilty for giving it to someone. Because I feel like it would help me (if the situation were reversed).
However, I do sometimes get turned on when giving it to someone. It is just an involuntary bodily reaction, so I don't worry about it. I remember one time when a guy was weepily telling me about his girlfriend and I suddenly felt compelled to reach out and touch his knee in sympathy. At the exact moment I did that, I felt a big warm rush go through my body. My turn-on seems to be connected to my own feelings. The guy's crying is a trigger for my feelings and it seems like it's my feelings about the situation are what are doing that to me physically. So to me, that's a private thing, and nothing to feel guilty about, because it's really between me and me (if that makes sense). If I can help people, then I am not going to hide myself away and not help them because of what happens between me and me. I'm going to help them.
Last edited by woundedpuppy (June 8, 2013 8:04 pm)
- meantangerine
- Great One
Offline
- From: New York
- Registered: July 29, 2011
- Posts: 418
Re: Guilt
The good news here is that there is no such thing as the "thought police." Go ahead and indulge your impulse to be a good friend and a good listener, and both of you will benefit.
It is such a secret place, the land of tears.
-- Antoine de Saint Exupery, "The Little Prince"
- tearhunter
- Godlike
Offline
- Registered: July 28, 2011
- Posts: 503
Re: Guilt
Here's my opinion. Think about what you just asked. Re-read your own words:
Am I an awful person for wanting to be there for him and let him pour his heart out to me?
You literally asked if you are an awful person for wanting to be there for this guy.
I feel so disingenuous but at the same time I want to take care of him regardless of whether he cries or not ... ugh I hate my fetish sometimes! !
Perhaps the real question you wanted to ask (not meaning to sound presumptous, I'm more using this thread as a general example of something that I see coming up time and again with people with crying fetishes), is whether it is morally OK to take care of him when you have a sexual (or non-sexual) love for crying observations. Whether it is being "opportunistic".
Well, I'm a believer that if you do good to people, it doesn't matter what the motives are. I believe that actions speak so much louder than words (and thoughts!) So if I'm hanging around a guy during an emotionally difficult period and helping him, in my opinion, the fact that I have a secret fetish doesn't matter. What matters to me is the actions I take. That's what I'm accountable for. Not my thoughts.
You're not the person who hurt him... nothing is your fault here... so obviously, in my humble opinion, not only are you not an awful person, but you should embrace this opportunity to be a sympathetic listener for him because it could do both of you some good... and please post observations... even if he doesn't cry!! I love hearing about vulnerable conversations... even if someone thinks they're going to cry and doesn't end up doing so, the tension that they might cry is... wow... so incredibly sexy... it's such a tease!!
I so agree with this Woundedpuppy, as long as I feel I am helping the person in tears whether that's my wife, a friend or even a work colleague, the fact that I will get turned on by their crying I feel ok with because I've been there for them and helped them in some way. They have no idea that I'm enjoying their tears and taking a photograph in my mind to remember later. All they know is I've been there to comfort them - I need to always make sure I give them my full attention however and not let my feelings show.
So, no yellowrose you are not an awful person - you are just like the rest of us I bet !
- psychic_girl
- Godlike
Offline
- Registered: August 2, 2012
- Posts: 1,454
Re: Guilt
I subscribe to all the other posters have said. You can think about the image later, maybe it's rather an esthetic crave then a sexual one after all. We can all agree that we like seeing the beauty of those powerfully expressed emotions not indulging in sex with the criers..So what impure in this?
''I like crying. And now I not only wanna cry and show my crying to other people, I wanna just split myself down the middle and open my guts and just throw everything out!''
Woody Harrelson
- woundedpuppy
- Godlike
Offline
- Registered: July 27, 2011
- Posts: 554
Re: Guilt
All they know is I've been there to comfort them - I need to always make sure I give them my full attention however and not let my feelings show.
That's right, you make sure you don't let your full feelings about the situation show -- you just carry on with your work (helping the person). I mean, how many foot fetishists work in shoe stores? I can only imagine. So long as they don't let ME know about it, I honestly don't care. They are probably more passionate about their job than their co-workers -- and a happy, satisfied worker is usually easier to deal with than a bored, disatisfied worker. Crying fetishists are good listeners, comforters, and probably even make good professional therapists or counsellors. Of COURSE... we have the stamina to do it for hours on end without complaint!! 
Last edited by woundedpuppy (June 11, 2013 11:19 pm)