inmyarms wrote:

I think a big part of it is him learning that he does not have to protect me from his feelings. If ever he got upset and that upset me or I worried his immediate reaction was " I shouldn't have told you. Now your upset.what's the point of both of us being upset" .I realized that in these moments I really do have to be strong for him. He seems more willing to let his guard down when he's more sure that he's not gonna make me fall apart or even worry. That he can share his worries with me without being artist that they will keep me up at night.he has a very old fashioned view of himself as the provider and protector and feeling like he didn't protect me from his turmoil when he's already feeling inadequate seems to compound his sense of shame. It's so different than me. If he was all calm and cool and tough when I was upset, even if he said the right-hand I always felt that he didn't get it and I felt isolated. The first time he cries because I was upset I felt so loved and so validated. But if his pain makes me cry he shuts down and sucks it up like he had to protect me from it. So I have realized that when he needs to be vulnerable than I can't be. He needs to feel safe to let it out without worrying about me in the process and I think that has helped.

I understand this. It's definitely harder to let out emotions if you're afraid of upsetting the other person. I find that in my relationship, our best talks are when one of us is feeling okay (or at least acting as the comforter) and the other is upset. If we are both upset, it doesn't work out the same. Of course, sometimes it's therapeutic to be upset together. But I see what you're saying here.

Even when he cries for me he felt terrible like he wasn't being strong f for me.I didn't know how to make understand that his emotion was a comfort to me because it's so opposite for him.

carrotcake wrote:

Also, my BF does that thing as well where he tries to sleep off emotions. He's an emotional guy, but sometimes he doesn't like to deal with things that are making him too upset, so he translates it into needing to go to sleep. If he seems receptive, I'll try to encourage him to talk about it instead, which sometimes results in tears. He definitely feels better after talking or crying it out -- the sleep might help in the moment, but the pain or anxiety will always come back after a short time because he wasn't able to release it.

Based on your posts, carrot, your boyfriend seems to be unusually comfortably with his tears and open with them to you.My husband is just now learning to acknowledge emotion to himself let alone me.