I mentioned yesterday that I've been very busy lately with work and my counselling course.

This is a reasonably advanced course - next stage up would be a diploma or degree course - it is a recognised qualification in counselling. Part of the course involves 'skills practice' session where we 'counsel each other' to develop various skills. We are encouraged to select real subjects which have a bit of depth to them to make the session more effective.

While I can't go into details, as everything discussed is held in strict confidence I have seen several of my fellow students cry - flowing / unchecked tears in many cases. Although I only enjoy the memory of the tears after the fact as I'm so focused on the counselling aspects during the session.

However as it affects me I can mention one crying event (without giving details) - I was talking whilst a fellow student was listening. The subject was personal and very emotional for me but as this was an assessment week I decided it carried the emotional weight that was needed. I could feel the emotions building up inside me. At first I became aware that my voice was breaking and wobbling at the end of sentences. As I continued to talk my voice wavered more and more, I could feel my eyes getting heavy but initially I could not feel any tears forming. It would have been obvious at this point that I was begining to struggle with my emotions.

As I continued my voice continued to falter more and more and I started to feel the tell tale signs of tears forming in my eyes. The student listen said something like 'I can see this is upsetting for you' - I began to lose it at that point - I tried to say 'yes' but my voice failed and the word was silent - my breathing changed to quiet gasps - my eyes immediately filled with tears.

I was trying to regain some composure as this was an important assessment week - but I could not get on top of my emotions - I actually felt my bottom lip tremble slightly as I fought the urge to cry - something that is unusal for me. I could not stop the emotions coming and eventually tears spilled from my eyes (both at the same time) and fell quickly down my cheeks. I kind of lost it at this point and started to cry fully - tears falling frequently down my face. For a time my head was down a bit and tears dripped from my eyes. I looked up to offer apologies and made eye contact with my fellow student. Through blurred vision I notice she too was crying with tears rolling down her cheeks (something you are not supposed to do as a counsellor - she'll need to work at this  ).

The fact that she was crying made me re-double my efforts to stop crying and by avoiding the very raw aspects of what I was talking about I eventully managed to regain some composure. However, until I completely stopped crying I was talking with a very thick emotional voice with the odd tear rolling down my face.

Quite an intense moment...