1 - psychic_girl
- Godlike
Offline 
- Registered: August 2, 2012
- Posts: 1,454
An old insidious heartbreak
Yeah, time and again i feel it, it comes from the frustration of unrequited feelings towards some guy who doesn't respond. We're ''friends'' now and we have been talking for 10 years yet he always had another girl by his side and he kept teasing me or taunting me to make me jealous. I'm obsessed with him for a very long time and yet i can't let him go. Before this automn we talked mostly on the net, we have seen each other for 3-4 times ( he was the first guy i kissed, actually my first love except the fact i didn't sleep with him) and now i introduced him to my group of friends and he comes at reunions or parties.
He's still teasing me though i made sure i don't have any feelings anymore for him and i managed to preserve a very detached attitude which works so far.. But day by day i'm very sad, i feel like my heart is breaking, i wish i can cry and yet no tears well up..I feel such amount of rage and disappointment towards him for being a jerk yet at rare times a very peculiar charcter..
I get this pain mostly when i drink coffee wich sometimes it is also accompanied by dread and chronic anxiety. I manage to work and keep my spirits up in front of others, except my mum who knows what i'm going through.
Last night i started crying but only 2, 3 tears streamed down and after that i felt pressure in my chest.I wish i could ged rid myself of this feeling and not care about that guy who's obviously by all means mocking me..but yet i can't ..
''I like crying. And now I not only wanna cry and show my crying to other people, I wanna just split myself down the middle and open my guts and just throw everything out!''
Woody Harrelson
- inmyarms
- Godlike
Offline
- From: Brooklyn, NYC
- Registered: May 23, 2013
- Posts: 628
Re: An old insidious heartbreak
Boy do I know the feeling of that dread andanxiety in your chest that just won't come out. I found I deal with out in one of two ways. Watch a movie that will get you crying.once it starts it will show the passion of this heartbreak to come out as well.if that doesn't work I just go for mechanics. I bought something called a tear stick from a makeup company which is basically a menthol lipstick type thing that makeup artists use to get tears from actors. I put some under my eyes to get the tears going until Mr emotions can take over.it's not as good but it helps.
Last edited by inmyarms (December 24, 2013 2:19 pm)
Tears are the last gift of true love.
- psychic_girl
- Godlike
Offline
- Registered: August 2, 2012
- Posts: 1,454
Re: An old insidious heartbreak
I listen to some sad songs on youtube in the middle of the night, last night i succeeded to relieve myself of that pain but yet, not for a long time. Thanks for the tip inmyarms, i'll try that some day !
''I like crying. And now I not only wanna cry and show my crying to other people, I wanna just split myself down the middle and open my guts and just throw everything out!''
Woody Harrelson
- •
Thread Starter- inmyarms
- Godlike
Offline
- From: Brooklyn, NYC
- Registered: May 23, 2013
- Posts: 628
Re: An old insidious heartbreak
Two or three tears isn't gonna do it to treat that knot in your chest.freaky I'm doing it today.life had been piling up on me and I need to get it out before it turns into an anxiety attack. I'm gonna watch a weepy film today.if it works maybe I'll post some pictures.but dint put it off till "someday". It will weigh on you. Give yourself the trekked now.
Last edited by inmyarms (December 24, 2013 2:27 pm)
Tears are the last gift of true love.
- psychic_girl
- Godlike
Offline
- Registered: August 2, 2012
- Posts: 1,454
Re: An old insidious heartbreak
This guy is also one of those he knows about my fetish and takes it to a new level. A few years ago he sent me 2 photos of him, seemingly crying but yet he sort of left me confused as he didn't want to disclose the fact he really cried in them. He also told me he can cry on cue without much effort and at the last reunion he wiped tears at the corners of his eyes saying it was from the smoke in the room ( after he came in from outside). It felt weird because i didn't notice that in particularly untill he pointed it to me ( and i almost lost my composure) and i didn't see to many tears.
''I like crying. And now I not only wanna cry and show my crying to other people, I wanna just split myself down the middle and open my guts and just throw everything out!''
Woody Harrelson
- •
Thread Starter- psychic_girl
- Godlike
Offline
- Registered: August 2, 2012
- Posts: 1,454
Re: An old insidious heartbreak
The most aqward moment was when we kissed because the second time i saw some emotion in his face, he turned red and he's eyes were glassy but at that time i though that's the way he must turn out of excitement, now i'm not very sure about it..could it have been some other emotion? He represses a lot and always denies he feels too much..yet he shows off at other times..
Last edited by psychic_girl (December 24, 2013 2:35 pm)
''I like crying. And now I not only wanna cry and show my crying to other people, I wanna just split myself down the middle and open my guts and just throw everything out!''
Woody Harrelson
- •
Thread Starter- inmyarms
- Godlike
Offline
- From: Brooklyn, NYC
- Registered: May 23, 2013
- Posts: 628
Re: An old insidious heartbreak
He sounds confusing.he reuses his feelings but is in touch with them enough to cry on command? that's unusual. She's he know you have feelings for him?
Tears are the last gift of true love.
- psychic_girl
- Godlike
Offline
- Registered: August 2, 2012
- Posts: 1,454
Re: An old insidious heartbreak
Yes, he told me he can make himself cry on cue without being actually sad about something, he said is some sort of trick but as usual he refused to disclose more..
As far as my feelings go, he knew i had a crush a few years ago when i didn't have any relationship, after that we had a pause of about 2-3 years when we talked very sporadically and i let him know that i no longer care because as far as meeting other men i realised i no longer cursh him...Maybe that's true somehow but the knowledge of his ways, his attitude hurts even now. There's something about him that makes my heart ache if you know what i mean..
Last edited by psychic_girl (December 24, 2013 10:55 pm)
''I like crying. And now I not only wanna cry and show my crying to other people, I wanna just split myself down the middle and open my guts and just throw everything out!''
Woody Harrelson
- •
Thread Starter- inmyarms
- Godlike
Offline
- From: Brooklyn, NYC
- Registered: May 23, 2013
- Posts: 628
Re: An old insidious heartbreak
I do know what you mean but from what you're describing it sounds like he's toying with you. I'd advise you to Grieve for this relationship and then let it go.it doesnt sound healthy.
Btw is it you who was from Romania?
Tears are the last gift of true love.
- psychic_girl
- Godlike
Offline
- Registered: August 2, 2012
- Posts: 1,454
Re: An old insidious heartbreak
Yes, I'm from Romania....I know he's toying with me, he does this with others as well. I just wonder though ''Why'' he does it. It seems it saddens him that he doesn't find a nice girl with whom to have a serious thing..
Last edited by psychic_girl (December 24, 2013 11:37 pm)
''I like crying. And now I not only wanna cry and show my crying to other people, I wanna just split myself down the middle and open my guts and just throw everything out!''
Woody Harrelson
- •
Thread Starter