my last emotional release was a month ago watching ps i love yu and i decided i might make weepy movie night a regular thing.

today the movie was stepmom. i did film myself again because it was so bizzarly cathartic to preserve the tears last time as well. validated it somehow. had to stop the camera a cojuple of times but all together with three clips i have between twnty minutes and a half hour of tears on camera which allows for a very detailed obs.  i notcied things about my crying that i never did before. like when im crying very softly my tears always follow the same tracks, usually into my mouth. when im crying hard, i was unaware of the volume i produce. its two or three at a time from each eye and really messy. so anyway here is an unneccesarily detailed self obs, (because i know i like reading them the more detailed the better, not because im narcisistic and obsessed with my own image. just putting that out there.) hope you enjoy.

anyway, just some background. stepmom is about a woman whos ex hiusband is about to remarry and she has a very contensious relationship with his new bride, until she learns that she has terminal cancer. she then befriends and alliues herself with the younger woman to guide her in becomeing the new woman in her childrens lives and preparing her to raise them. im a stepmother myself and while my circumstances are very different there is alot i related to.

when the tears started about and hour and three quarters into the film two streaked down and dripped over the middle of my face at once. there was very little sound. just continued streams along these routes, but instead of dripping they curved into my mouth most of the time. it was an ongoing, soft and steady flow. the frequency increased and some tears made it to my chin. about five and a half minutes in my breathing started to become more raggedy and i could no longer keep my mouth from contorting althout only slighttly. i tried to keep my mouth closed for a while but the result was a trembling that looked alot like a nervous twitch. about seven minutes in the two streams of tears met in the middle inder my chin and driped for a little bit. after this my breathjing steadied again and the silent streaming resumed althout flakes of mascara started to appear. i had some laughter through tears as some amusing interaction between the two mothers at a s chool play. i laughed wetly as a tear trickeled down the side of my nose. ast this point i stiopped the camera because my nose was dripping and its not nearly as pretty from the nose as from the eyes. had to do that a few times.

after that school play scene the tears stopped for about two or three minutesbut when they started again they came hard and fast,. my mouth was startiong to do its ugly crying thing.twitching, chin wobbling. eleven minutes and the tears started again big , heavy and mascara speckled(it was water resistant mascara so it diodnt streak, but alor of tears makes it come off in little flakes). i was breathing heavily through my mouth and sniffing alot.at 12 minutes and nine seconds this clip ends. i start right where i left of in clip one with clip two. my nose was flaring and my mouth fighting a grimace. thirty seconds in a big heavy tear escaoes my right eye and  goes right into my mouth. its followed immediately by another  along the same track.
at forty seven seconds, about fifteen minutes after i started crying, i am finally starting to give in to sobbing. my mouth is in a grimace and my sobs are soft and breathy but broken sounding. a really fat tear mosied it way down my left cheeck and another soft batch of sobs were breathed out followed by a ragged breath.  at 1:30 , three heavy tears came out in quick succession . they turned into  slightly more steady streams as the sibbing became longer and a little harder although still quiet. another minute into it and the tears are becoming heaview. two out of each eye at one time and flakes of mascara wer ebeing deposited along the way untilll..... with a face full of tears in various states of falling and underyes soggy and messy, my interent connection timed out and the movie stopped.

i turned the camera off, waiting for the interet to kick back on. when i did i began clip three. i had stopped crying durring the wait but it took opnly moments to bring me back. my face had been wiped clean, (fresh canvas. lol) 37 seconds into clip three my mouth was wobblingand a tear fell from my upper cheek right onto the pillow i was holding. it was followed by another that trickled slowly and another slow moving one on the other side and 1:52, two heavy tears streaked down quicklyn and simultaniously to my chin. the sobbhing had stopped but my mouth was twitching. the tears had strated again into heavy steady streams along the same tracks, like they had int o begining and flowed into my mouth so that at one point i licked them and made an audible slurp. that was awkward to watch. lol. anyway...about anotherminute and a half in the first sob escaped along witha heavy rush of tears. when it stopped i had three heavy tears on each side of my face traveling at various speeds.. two huge tears were blinked out at once from my right eye. one raced and dropped right off my cheek into the pillow, the other slid its way down to my mouth. there was a steady stream going on the other side as well, but since it was a steady flow, one after another in the same track i cant say how many there were.my chin trembled and i took a shaking breath which was released in sift sobbing as a tear ran to my mouth and traveled along my opper lip before making i inside. there tears were everywhere at this point. three streams on each side, some to my mouth, some to my chin..some along the side of my face, they just kept coming...at 4:28 seconds i started sobbing in earnest. still without a voice, only breath, but hard and steady.the tears were coming in rivulets. four on the left side alone. my mouth was in that ugly cry grimace, my body jerked softly with each one. at 5:44 my voice finally kicked in. i was crying full on now and the feeling was coming from deep in my abdomen. it was minutes to the end of the film at this point and the deeper feelings were just starting to jiggle loose.  my face was a soggy drippy mess. i was crying so hard at some points no sound but a wheeze cam out while i shook, and then the sobbing would go still for several moments while somemore tears were let loose silently.
a little after the seven minute mark i was biting my lower lip, my face red as a cherry while tears left fresh tracks all over my face. they just spilled out. i was surprised to see it. i had never been aware that i released so much volume when i cried. i started sobbbing again, tears framing my open mour and slipping inside. i still myself again, allowing the tears to fall in quiet again for a few moments wlthout i was breathing is gasps and spurts. about 9 minutes in i let loose completely and gave in to full stomach sobbing, with some voice in there too. my body shuddered, my mouth contored, the tears cascaded big and fast and were absolutely everywhere. cheeks, nose, the sides of my face, i had mascara flakes washing everywhere. this full weeping lasted about two or three minutes.and i felt what i can only describe as movement inside me.  unfortunately it then just subsided on its own after the credits rolled and i couldnt explore this sense of shifting further, but im sure there will be a nest time.
hope you enjoyed assuming you had the patience to sit and read this novella.

Last edited by inmyarms (December 24, 2013 11:49 pm)