Hi all.  I haven't posted here much, but I have found the discussions fascinating.  I do feel a certain "charge" and level of intimacy by seeing other people cry, but I've found that to the extent that I have a "fetish," it's more the other way around....that is, it's a turn-on (for me) if I am vulnerable enough to cry (involuntarily, because I can't hold it back) with someone and specifically if they want me to be that vulnerable with them.  For a variety of reasons, this makes me actually try very hard NOT to cry in front of others, because I feel so exposed and vulnerable, but I think a part of me also gets really excited when I'm with people who want to break through my walls and see me lose control in that way, so perhaps my avoidance of it is partially to make the tension and excitement of it possibly happening last longer. 

On that note, I am seeing someone in a few days who I believe - purely from vibes and certain things he has said - would really want to push me to that emotional point.  (I should note that I'm married, and this other guy is NOT someone in whom I have any romantic interest.)  He has admitted to me in the past that he really wanted me to trust him emotionally, and that he really loves tearful interactions.  For all I know, he's on here!  And even though I haven't thought about the crying thing in awhile, I'm suddenly finding myself fantasizing about breaking down in this upcoming meeting and being seen - and unable to hide - in that type of an emotional interaction.  I worry that I'm setting myself up for disappointment, as the reality is that I'll probably push myself very hard NOT to go in that direction, and would only potentially crack if he really pushed me into it.  But even the possibility of it is exciting to me.  This is a guy I haven't seen in a long time, but he definitely pushes my emotional buttons and seems to have a knack for taking things to that level.  I haven't cried in front of him before, but have sometimes had to try really hard not to!

I feel like there is something wrong me with for wanting this and feeling excited about the prospect.  This website alone was kind of an exciting find for me, as it shows that there are people out there who really are attracted to seeing other people cry in front of them.  I just find myself wishing that someone like that would successfully push or encourage me into it!  My defenses usually take over, so even when people have blatantly tried, it's not easy. 

I'm vastly oversimplifying here.  It's not like it's a turn-on to me to think about crying in front of just anyone.  It needs to be a situation where the other person wants that intimacy - and where ultimately I do too.  And where I feel extremely vulnerable and like I have something to lose.  (I.e. Not just doing it with a stranger.)  I really wish I understood this better.  I just know that I'm looking forward to this casual meeting more than I probably should be - and I don't know whether this is an unhealthy urge that I should fight in myself, or whether I should pursue it.  I'd welcome any thoughts.