Last night, my boyfriend and I had a really nice conversation.  If any of you remember my previous posts, he's been dealing with depression that makes it hard for him to open up to me.  Well, the other day, he did something that upset me, and last night I finally managed to get him to talk to me about it.  He was clearly uncomfortable in the conversation, but I told him how important it is to me to talk about things that happen between us, so he willed himself to do it.  We were sitting in my car at the bottom of his driveway.  

After we finished talking about the thing that had upset me, we somehow got on the topic of early moments in our relationship.  He realized he couldn't remember very much about me asking him out (he has a bad memory).  I sat there for a good while, telling the story in as much detail as I could, and when I finished, he was speechless.  He explained that he felt really overwhelmed, both with happiness from getting to relive that period of our lives and sadness that he couldn't produce the details for himself, and I could hear him choking up.  I took his hand and held it for a few minutes (he didn't pull away like he did the other time he choked up in front of me, when someone else was also present) and brushed at his hair with my other hand.  After a minute, I said "come here" and we hugged.  I left my arm partway around him and continued to hold his hand, while he alternated between silent thought and speaking while struggling not to cry.  We talked over his feelings for a while like this, until he said he was exhausted and ready to go in.  He hugged me goodnight and I said, "come here" again and kissed him this time, very gently.  Then he buried his face in my neck for another minute before popping open the door to leave.  He barely stepped out before he muttered "screw it," sat back down, and took my hand again.  He pretty much constantly has family problems of some sort, and now he detailed his most recent ones to me, his voice still thick with unshed tears.  He would talk for a while, then stop and look at me, waiting for my opinion.  When he would do this, I noticed he held his lips differently, clearly from trying not to cry.  I can't really explain it, but it made him look very sweet and vulnerable.  We talked like this for a while, him pretty much crying without sobs or tears (that I could see), until he finally did decide to go to bed.  He told me he felt better now that he'd opened up to me about things, and I thanked him for talking to me.  We hugged one last time before he went into his house, and I watched him walk, looking notably more exhausted than usual.  Our conversation really meant a lot to me, because it's the most he's opened up to me in a really long time, and it's helping me to feel as close to him as I used to.