1 - Dandelion
- Junior member
Offline - Registered: March 7, 2015
- Posts: 4
All my life, I thought I was the only one!
This is the most surreal thing ive ever written, because for 2 decades I have never spoken a word of this to anyone. I thought I was the only person in the WORLD who felt like this and had these fantasies. I had no idea it was an actual "thing" and there are other people who feel this way too. Sorry if I ramble a bit, im just gonna say it totally how it is.
Im 20 years old and I have enjoyed, and daydreamed about comforting people for as long as I can remember. Im a small, feminine girl who's recently accepted I'm a lesbian. I always thought I was just a little girl who looked up to older girls, until I realised that the "obsessions" I've had with females since I was practically a baby were more than just admiration. My parents are old fashioned and frown upon gays, I was never really aware that girlie girls who are into modelling and pink and glitter, could also be lesbians. Imagine if my parents knew about THIS...
All of these girls I've liked throughout my life have had three things in common - Theyve all been female, they've all been older than me, and they've all been strong people but vulnerable deep down.
They've been people I've known in real life, celebrities, actresses and TV show characters.
And every time I've had these "crushes" on people I have fantasized constantly about them crying and me comforting them. On the rare occasion that it's actually happened, I feel warm and fuzzy in more than just a, for the love of doing something good for someone else feeling. It gives me butterflies and I feel aroused. Not in a crazy way where I want to jump up and have sex with them while they're in the middle of crying, lol. But I just want to stay there in that moment forever! I've always felt like an absolute FREAK for how obsessed I am with this. I felt sadistic. Although it's not like that - I don't dream about making these people cry myself then comforting them, it's always like, I want to walk in on them crying over something that's nothing to do with me and I ask them what's wrong and take care of them while they tell me their problems and let me make them feel better.
Right now im o.b.s.e.s.s.e.d with Alex for Orange is the new black, lol. I love how she presents herself as funny, confident, tall, beautiful, powerful, happy, but able to show her vulnerable side too. Like, the scene where she just found out her mom died, and Piper just leaves her... It breaks/melts my heart. Like, she's just sitting on the edge of the bed completely broken, hardly able to speak she's so upset, letting the tears just flow down her beautiful face, obviously wanting and needing to be taken care of and Piper just leaves! Agh. I just want to sit down next to her on that bed, put my arm around her, rub soothing little circles on her back, wipe her tears, softly guide her into my arms, hold her as she cries and rock her and gently squeeze all the sadness out of her. Then sort out her flight home and everything she needed, put her to bed, make her something to eat, crawl into bed beside her, let her lean on me again and either sit in silence or let her tell me all her Favorite stories about her mom from her childhood while I cuddle her and kiss all her tears away, stroke her hair and tell her everything's gonna be ok. Awh. I feel all fuzzy even writing this, lol. Do you lot get this same kind of thing?
- yellowrose
- Great One
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- Registered: March 14, 2012
- Posts: 311
Re: All my life, I thought I was the only one!
I will point you to the fiction I just posted which is me putting into words an elaborate fantasy that I go through in my head while I fall asleep. You are definitely not alone
"...men do not cry. They will do anything BUT cry. They stop themselves crying. And eventually they do cry if it is bad enough. So that's how you know with a man how bad it is for him. Because he would've stopped himself...Men always cry like that. They don't cry and in the end they do and if they do then it's overwhelming." ~Michael Caine
- Yowza
- Senior member
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- From: Kentucky
- Registered: January 23, 2015
- Posts: 99
Re: All my life, I thought I was the only one!
Oh my gosh YES. You are so much like me, literally the only difference is that I'm into males crying. Some dacryphiles are into the looks of people crying, some the sounds maybe, and some into BDSM; but others, like you and I, love the sensation of comforting a crying person. I've never gotten to comfort someone, but I fantasize about it like every single night before I go to bed. I've been this way ever since I was five. When I discovered this forum, I was overwhelmed with happiness. I thought I was the only one too! And it's the same exact thing; I don't want to MAKE them cry, I just want to hold them, caress them, rub their back, etc. when they do. I'm glad you've found these forums because I know the "Oh my gosh, there are people like me" feeling and it feels awesome. Have fun on the forums, my fellow dacryphile. 
"Sometimes, the best way to help someone is just to be near them."
-Veronica Roth
- psychic_girl
- Godlike
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- Registered: August 2, 2012
- Posts: 1,454
Re: All my life, I thought I was the only one!
I subscribe too to what Yowza said, i really remember obssesing over and the same things..Recently i figured out that if some guy feels bad and want to atone for some wrong he did to me, if he sheds a few tears i'll be in sheer extasy...So i don't really mind if i'm the cause of his tears as long as i don't inflict suffering in ways that are calculated to ellicit that kind of response.
''I like crying. And now I not only wanna cry and show my crying to other people, I wanna just split myself down the middle and open my guts and just throw everything out!''
Woody Harrelson
- Dandelion
- Junior member
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- Posts: 4
Re: All my life, I thought I was the only one!
Oh my GOD Yowza. I too have 'daydreamed myself to sleep' with these thoughts since I was a very young child. Literally almost every moment. Like Id be zoned out in class thinking about it and everything. I could almost cry myself right now because im not the only person who's like this hahaha!
Maybe you haven't got the chance to do it yet because you're into men crying and like, most men don't often cry, at least not around random girls who they're not close to lol... It's probably because im into girls and my 'crushes' since I was like 11 have mainly been friends, friends' older sisters etc (and f*ing alex vause....) LMAO.
- •
Thread Starter- Yowza
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- From: Kentucky
- Registered: January 23, 2015
- Posts: 99
Re: All my life, I thought I was the only one!
Dandelion wrote:
Oh my GOD Yowza. I too have 'daydreamed myself to sleep' with these thoughts since I was a very young child. Literally almost every moment. Like Id be zoned out in class thinking about it and everything. I could almost cry myself right now because im not the only person who's like this hahaha!
Maybe you haven't got the chance to do it yet because you're into men crying and like, most men don't often cry, at least not around random girls who they're not close to lol... It's probably because im into girls and my 'crushes' since I was like 11 have mainly been friends, friends' older sisters etc (and f*ing alex vause....) LMAO.
Ugh yeah, it sucks so bad. I actually had a chance to in sixth grade when my best guy friend's puppy died. He was on the bleachers with no one else beside him bawling his eyes out. I wanted to go up to him and cuddle and hug and love on him so badly but I didn't because I was with my friends and I didn't want to move away from them to him (they didn't like him at all and I was afraid they would make fun of me). One of the maaaany reasons I dislike my past self!
But like, it's so weird. It doesn't matter how "ugly" or "unattractive" I find a guy. If he's crying, I want him. I want him in my arms so badly.
"Sometimes, the best way to help someone is just to be near them."
-Veronica Roth
- handkerchief
- Great One
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- From: Mississippi, USA
- Registered: February 3, 2013
- Posts: 227
Re: All my life, I thought I was the only one!
Nice to meet you, Dandelion. Welcomr aboard.. A bunch of perverts we're not.. These are some of the nicest,friendliest folks you'd ever want to meet.. Keep the posts coming.
- carrotcake
- Godlike
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- Registered: July 29, 2011
- Posts: 541
Re: All my life, I thought I was the only one!
Hi Dandelion! I'm glad you've found the forum!
- punkchick
- Senior member
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- Registered: July 31, 2011
- Posts: 102
Re: All my life, I thought I was the only one!
Hey, welcome to the boards! We are so much alike. Everything you said describes me to a tee, except I'm more into men crying than women. I think it has a lot to do with the stigma society has regarding crying men. I don't subscribe to the stigma, obviously, but it is present in our culture and I think most guys do feel some sort of pressure not to cry. It just makes it so much more special when it actually happens, because it really tells you something about your relationship with the guy if he's actually willing to cry to you like that. That all being said, I am pansexual and I do still like a crying woman, especially if she's strong and likes to hide her tears.
Oh my GOD Yowza. I too have 'daydreamed myself to sleep' with these thoughts since I was a very young child. Literally almost every moment. Like Id be zoned out in class thinking about it and everything. I could almost cry myself right now because im not the only person who's like this hahaha!
YES! This is totally me! I'm so excited to hear of two other people who do this, because when I was new I said something about daydreaming myself to sleep like this and no one really seemed to relate to that. It was the only way I could get to sleep as a kid, though, and I'd always be collecting scenes from TV shows and movies to reenact in my head with myself as the comforter. Nowadays I mostly put myself and the bf into situations that make sense for us, although sometimes I'll still borrow stuff from books and movies, even if I usually insert both of us instead of just me.
Like, the scene where she just found out her mom died, and Piper just leaves her... It breaks/melts my heart. Like, she's just sitting on the edge of the bed completely broken, hardly able to speak she's so upset, letting the tears just flow down her beautiful face, obviously wanting and needing to be taken care of and Piper just leaves! Agh.
Omg, that scene got me, too! I just wanted to climb right into the TV and comfort her. She is soooo hothothothothothothot, too. This show is the first time I ever found myself rooting for a character to cheat on their fiance. Also, it makes me really happy that you brought that up, because before I even clicked on this post, I saw your username and wondered to myself if it was an OITNB referece XD
- TorNorth
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- Registered: July 24, 2011
- Posts: 1,576
Re: All my life, I thought I was the only one!
..Recently i figured out that if some guy feels bad and want to atone for some wrong he did to me, if he sheds a few tears i'll be in sheer extasy....
Oddly enough, I've had similar melodramatic fantasies as a child and a teenager. I often imagined girls (both real and fictional) crying because they did me some wrong or because I'm dead or dying. I remember a common daydream I had as a six year old: I am lying dead but totally aware of my surroundings. A girl (fictional) is crying on my chest, and I can feel her bottom lip bulging against my body.
I also had childhood fantasies where some girls (real) are crying while a military parade carries my body to give me a martyr's funeral. It's quite embarrassing when I think about it now, but I think the image of a woman crying because I died doing something heroic is still somewhat appealing. I wonder if other boys have these thoughts too. In Harry Potter book 6 there's a moment where Harry imagines Ginny weeping over his martyred body - that was SO me as a kid!
Ugly crying is pretty crying