I think i'm going to make another attempt to write about some of my issues  though as far as i am concerned, i'm going off the rail with my compulsion or anything that's sort of related to this.. at the point i needn't look for clips anymore, or for crying information on the forum). My urge to write and then erase everything every time i come here keeps nagging at me over and over again..

I started talking with a co-worker in March on fb, he was the one who added me seeming to like me somehow. I had a boyfriend at the time and i didn't pay much attention to this new guy whom at the point of introducing himself to me he didn't even catch my attention though he was on the same floor with me working on another project. We both work at a call center. So far so good..he seemed a nice, polite, sort of mysterious guy ...and among the trivia we discussed during our first warm up discussion was his compelling sexual fetish ...he was very open about him enjoying tickling women combined with some sort of another weird fetish where he teases them untill they are overcome with lust and then refuses or denies them the final pleasure..the orgasm by normal penetration , some sort of sadism.

I took all this thing as some sort of fantasy he had ( maybe something he took from Fifty Shades of Grey ), rather a young man exaggeration ( he's 2 years younger then me)  but then i also noticed he sort of stared at me at the office ..but not very obvously at first and i didn't take him seriously at all. i just  let him talk about it since he didn't propose anything directly and i said to myself : '' He's just a freak at the office..nothing important''. A freak that looked quite handsome and more so was interesting. He sent me music at times, very seldom, and at other times we talked about work and i tried my best not to answer those intriguing questions he asked me or about my need to be dominated..He pictured me like that kind of ..frustrated , repressed woman who may be  willing to explore those things he liked so much...I can't tell if this was the truth since he talked to me as i was his close friend and confidante.

I couldn't help it at one point and i told him, in the same vein about my fascination with tears...as a counterpart to his obsession , i guess i wanted to protect myself. I don't know why i did it but the man started to tell me about his crying.., his pain, his vulnerability ). He seemed he understood my predilection and played along ..with what i was telling him though i made my point clear that i'm not a sadist, as to be in want of inflicting pain in order to see someone cry... He even stated to me he has this nervous breakdowns where tears pour from his eyes and he shakes a lot, falling, crying for hours..At other times he likes to give the impression he's tough and cold..

After this point in time things started to get gloomy for me, i become more and more infatuated with him but he refused to date me or to engage in any sort of relationship with me, keeping me trapped on the facebook window for a chat while teasing and  at the same time we see each other at work when our shifts coincide. We don't have much time talking there since we both have calls and there's no place where we can talk unobstrusely..I know he likes me but he evades anything that has to do with commiting himself to me or having an affair and this creates a lot of tension and confusion. It seemed to me that he no longer has any hold or control about this situation, neither do i.

It's like Super Secret's story without the added finale where the crush either rejects or gives in. I don't know if i should really block him on fb and ignore him since he's sort of playing games that stareted to annoy and frustrate me more  or go on with this. He's obviously a pervert or too immature to make things evolve ( at least for a few dates), he was from the very beginning and i think he may not be able to have real feelings for me ( though he had for two of the girl friends he had a few years ago). I don't know how normal will such a connection be, seeing each other at work were we can be so easily distracted. It's everything so intense and difficult.. that all my energy is spent thinking about my next move or his.. as in the game of chess.

If only i didn't talk about it....and kept myself at a distance ! I never felt like this and never thought that this will ever come my way..if things don't work out the way they should i will just lose my faith in humanity. I already learnt some things about me in the process..

What would you do in such a situation?
 

Last edited by psychic_girl (September 21, 2015 5:32 pm)