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November 17, 2020 7:59 am  #1


Share With Me

This is a fiction along the lines of an ARO (mentioned by cray), but it has a tiny element of metaphysics which I hope makes sense. This is inspired by previous conversations and obs with my guy friend (who I've posted 3 obs about already). This story is meant to describe a purely platonic friendship.

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My best friend has known me 2 years. He lives through a lot of pain and suffers from mental health issues. In public he's very friendly and outgoing and smiles a lot; you wouldn't know that behind closed doors, he's almost always on the verge of tears. I guess you could call it depression, among other things.

He doesn't believe in weakness, but he allows himself to be vulnerable around me. He feels safe around me in ways he doesn't with anyone else. He feels that I'm the one person who understands him the most, and as such, I'm his confidant.

It was a nice night out, one of those nights where the weather was so perfect you didn't feel hot or cold. We had been sitting next to each other spending the whole night talking, but he had gotten quiet. I held his hand and squeezed. He looked at me and smiled sadly. I knew he was feeling a bit emotional and a lot of pain, and he knew I knew what he was feeling.

"I love you, I wish I could take your sadness away," I said.

He smiled sadly and said, "No one can."

"If I can't take your pain away just share it with me, okay?" I had been holding his hand and and I noticed his grip tightening, almost as if the sadness was growing with the conversation.

"I'm not doing that. I love you," he replied.

"But why?" I asked.

He sighed and looked into my eyes for a moment before replying. "Cause I love you. I don't want you hurt. I don't want you to feel the way I do. You can't be like that with me, I don't want you sad too."

I gripped his hand tighter. "You've already shared it with me just keep doing it, okay? It doesn't hurt. I promise you'll feel better if you do. We'll be closer too, I know you want that and I do too."

"I love you, I always want you close," he said.

"I can't fix it, so sharing with you is all I can do so let me, okay? Let me see and feel all of your pain. Give it all to me, and let me carry it just for a little while."

He said, "Okay," and sighed deeply, as if trying to exhale some of the pain.

I climbed onto his lap, my legs straddling his hips and wrapped my arms around him and laid my head on his shoulder. I rubbed his back gently and squeezed him tightly. "Do you wanna talk about it?" I asked gently. I could feel his adam's apple move against my shoulder as he said no.

I pulled away and looked into his blue eyes, our faces only inches away from each other. He had his arms around my waist, gripping me tightly, as if to brace from the pain he was about to share with me.

"Let go. Let it out and share it all with me," I whispered as I kissed his forehead. He slowly raised his hands to my shoulders and gripped my collar. He leaned his forehead against mine and shut his eyes. I continued rubbing his back gently as he sighed deeply.

Suddenly, it was like we were linked emotionally and mentally and, dare I say it, telepathically. It was more than just empathy. Empathy is where you feel what you imagine or think the other is feeling. But I could literally feel everything he was feeling, even things I didn't expect to feel. I could read what he was thinking about, the painful thoughts that swirled in his mind.

Deep, painful waves of sadness washed over me, and I knew it was coming from him. He opened his eyes and looked into mine hesitantly, knowing he was literally sharing his emotions with me. There were tinges of nervousness, fear, anger, even happiness inside of him.

Happiness is an unexpected one, I thought. He opened his eyes and smiled gently. "I'm just happy you're here with me. I love you so much."

I smiled and kissed his cheek and rubbed his back. He shut his eyes as another wave of extremely deep sadness coursed through us at once. I kept looking at him, just studying his face, his expression, everything. Looking at him, you wouldn't know the sadness he was feeling. He showed no hints of it at first.

Until he did. His eyebrows creased slightly. His breaths became shallow and shaky. Tears became visible at the edges of his closed eyes, sticking to his eyelids and eyelashes. Finally, after what seemed like forever, a tear rapidly streamed down his left cheek, then another on his right. He opened his eyes and looked into mine, smiling slightly as if to say "here are all of my tears." Pools of tears had completely filled his red-rimmed blue eyes. His wet eyelashes were clumped together. Another wave of sadness coursed through both of us, unleashed tears raced down his cheeks. Three streams had been forged on his left cheek, and two on his right. He hadn't blinked in what seemed like forever, I assumed to keep the tears from falling. The tip of his nose had grown red and his lips trembled slightly, but he still held no expression.

In the course of his first few tears streaming, I had stopped rubbing his back, just taking in the pain he was sharing with me. I kissed his cheek which sent another wave of deep pain through us. Another stream of tears swiftly fell. I wanted to encourage him to feel and share his sadness to its full extent. I knew the comforting gestures I made seemed to make his pain go deeper and at the same time, it gave him a tiny bit of relief and happiness. I resumed rubbing his back, to which, a few more tears fell.

For the most part, tears stayed unshed in his eyes unless I made a comforting gesture. While he was experiencing deep pain, he wasn't fully allowing himself to let it all out. I wanted to find a way to get his tears to just continue steadily finding their way out of his soul. I kissed his cheek and his blink caused 4 tear streams on each side to rush down his cheeks. As I pulled away he smiled gently, almost as if to thank me as his eyes filled up with more tears. I slowly rubbed my thumb across his other cheek, feeling the tears run into my fingers as I did so.

Despite the large amount of tears he had already shed, I knew he was still holding back. His tears weren't coming steadily and he did his best to not blink. I kissed his forehead and finally felt his chest heave in a quiet sob. I pulled away and watched the tears pour out of his tightly shut eyes. That was when I felt the full force of his sadness course through our bodies. He had tears streaming down 4 paths on one cheek and 3 on the other. His chest continued heaving as he sobbed quietly. I leaned my forehead against his again and he opened his eyes to look to me for comfort. His hand gripped my collar and his entire body shook with his silent but deep sobs. He cried deeply, never looking away from me. I asked him to share with me and now he finally was sharing all of his pain with me. Nothing held back.

By now, every inch of his cheeks were wet. His tears streamed down the side of his cheeks, the corner of his nose, the middle of his eyes. He openly sobbed into my neck. By now, the pain he was feeling was overwhelming me as well, and tears began streaming down my cheeks as well. I don't know how he knew, but he pulled away immediately and sobbed as he pleaded with me not to cry too.

"I love you, I feel your pain, let me share it with you," I begged with tears streaming down my cheeks.

He shook his head, sobbing audibly at this point. "I don't want you to cry, especially not because of me. I want you happy."

"Let me feel your pain with you," I said as I leaned into his neck, and felt him pull me in even closer, as if that was even possible. We were both sobbing together as the pain shared between us deepened. He began stroking my hair and rubbing my back.

Eventually his sobs calmed down, but I continued crying into his chest for a while. Ravages of his pain coursed through us and while he was used to it, I was not. It brought my own pain into the mix, which I know he felt just as deeply as his own. After a while I caught my breath and pulled away from his chest. He looked at me with deep concern etched into his expression.

"Are you okay?" he asked gently. I nodded, catching my breath. He rubbed my back and kissed my forehead, echoing the gestures I had given him. "This is why I didn't wanna share it with you," he whispered. "I don't wanna be the reason you cry and I don't want to cause you more pain. My pain is my own and I don't wanna burden you with it."

"You will never be a burden, okay?" I reassured him. His eyes filled with tears at that statement. "I love you, your pain matters and I love carrying it with you." Down they fell once again.

"My pain is mine but it's therapeutic to mingle our pain together like this. I know you feel closer to me."

"I do," he agreed. My tears were slowing down and he took it upon himself to dry every last one from my cheeks. He wiped one cheek then the other with his right hand. "All I want is to get as close to you as possible."

When all was done, we both felt relief as a weight was lifted off our shoulders. We were outside until 3am. He picked me up and carried me into his bedroom. He laid my head on his chest and we fell asleep in each other's arms.

Last edited by Cryophilia (November 17, 2020 8:05 am)

 

November 17, 2020 6:19 pm  #2


Re: Share With Me

That was a rally moving story. I could picture every detail like I was there. I could also feel every emotion just as they were.

 

November 19, 2020 3:25 pm  #3


Re: Share With Me

This is an extremely well written, detailed fiction, I have to say I love several details about it, how you straddled your legs on his hips, the build up, how he gradually started to cry, how his tears flowed in multiple streaks, how, eventually, had his face so full of tears that individual streaks were no longer visible, the way you wiped his tears, kissed his tears, how you cried with him (I wish you would have been as detailed with your crying as you were with his), how he lovingly wiped your tears. Thank you for sharing.

 

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