Crying Lovers / Obs : I suddenly started crying in church

**Posted by psychic_girl** July 16, 2023 9:25 pm

A few days ago it was my grandfather's funeral. We were all expecting him to die of old age as he recently turned up 90 years old. He had had severe dementia for about 2 years. Before and during the service i didn't tear up at all and I wasn't in the mood for crying. I felt sad but not anywhere near crying so when it happened to me it struck me fast.
After the priest finished his religious service ( we are orthodox ) I heard one of the members of his choir singing and his voice was so beautiful and angelic that i felt mysteriously almost the urge to cry. My eyes welled with tears and i struggled to contain myself and then my chin started to shake. I could tell i felt the greatest tension in my chin and my eyes. I managed not to tear up very much, for some reason i felt quite self-conscious about it as i would have been the only one visibly in tears.
I tried to look around me to see if there were other people crying but many were preparing to leave the church and weren't paying attention to me at all. I wiped my eyes and then i turned to someone to say something and i noticed that my voice was a bit rusty too but not as i thought. When crying struck me like that I m not able to hide it or suppress it at all. So I tried to relax and simply have a go but this time I couldn't understand what triggered it so spontaneously besides the music.

Last edited by psychic_girl (July 16, 2023 9:27 pm)

**Posted by Amans lacrimae** July 18, 2023 12:15 am

Wow, first time in several years I read a self obs from you. Did any tears manage to roll down your cheeks? Did you feel the need to cry again later on afterwards?

**Posted by psychic_girl** July 21, 2023 5:34 pm

Amans lacrimae wrote:
Wow, first time in several years I read a self obs from you. Did any tears manage to roll down your cheeks? Did you feel the need to cry again later on afterwards?

This was one of the times when I was pretty aware of my crying situation and what I had been going through. But there was also a distance inside so i could notice myself tearing up as if i was an outside onlooker. There was a tear rolling from one of my eyes and I wiped it with my hand. I felt more tears in my eyes but they drained quite quickly through my nose. I noticed that this is what occurs to me when I withhold tears. They get in my nose and it feels stuffy or tears roll from my nose.
I felt like crying a little when I came back home a few hours after the funeral but I only teared up a few times. This time I let tears fall unchecked.

**Posted by Amans lacrimae** July 21, 2023 5:43 pm

Wow, I guess you didn't want to cry in front of that many people, is there someone in whom you trust to allow your tears to fall unchecked in front of, even allowing your tears to be wiped?

**Posted by psychic_girl** July 21, 2023 5:57 pm

I cried in front of my mother many times and only once in front of my boyfriend that I had back then. He did comfort me but for some reason, he seemed displeased with my tears. If a sob it's a downpour with lots of sniffing and shaking.I also cried in the underground once while coming back from work on a bad day. There were a few people back then and I stayed seated tearing up now and then. I don't feel always that self-conscious about it but if I'm with people closer to me i find it more difficult to cry on some occasions.

**Posted by Amans lacrimae** July 21, 2023 6:06 pm

Wow, I'm kind of trying to understand how its easier for you to cry in front of strangers than in front of loved ones.

**Posted by psychic_girl** July 23, 2023 12:01 pm

I know that strangers won't care why I'm crying and won't ask too many questions during those moments, which puts me at ease.