Posted by Daydream  June 28, 2025 3:45 pm | #1 |
I really like repetitive crying and someone who can’t stop crying as a trope and something to fantasize about, but I’ve never been in that state myself before until now.
I’ve been going through it for a bit and I’ve cried twice a day at least every day since Tuesday. I have never cried that much in a short time span before.
Something I haven’t thought much about is how physically exhausting it is. I have chest pain after crying hard enough and by the time it goes away I’m already crying again. I’m just sitting chugging water trying to curb the headache it gives me and going to sleep at like 7 pm cause I just can’t keep myself awake.
I’m totally unable to do simple things because something pops in my head and I just break down. I sat on the floor leaning on my hamper and sobbed for like 10 minutes while doing my laundry today for no real reason, I just couldn’t stop myself. Most of the time it’s much longer, like hours, but I had to force myself to finish. It’s constantly at the back of my mind and I’m always one little suggestion from a wailing mess.
I’m trying not to suppress it either because I don’t want to bottle it up, I just want it to be over.
My friend i confide in seems plainly sick of me cause I keep calling him crying. He’s a good person and I don’t think he’d complain out loud, but I can tell sometimes he just wants me to get it together already.
My pillow and the clothes i sleep in are gross cause I’ve cried in them so much and there’s used tissues on every elevated surface of my bedroom cause I just don’t bother putting them in the trash anymore, there’ll be new ones there tomorrow.
My diet has definitely suffered too cause I can’t focus long enough to cook, so I’m just eating scraps and whatever’s in my fridge which is of course making it worse.
I’m surprised that it comes back, I keep thinking I feel better and then feeling the warmth creep into my face. Then I have to stop what I’m doing and let the tears come so I don’t walk around with a quivering lip like I’m gonna cry any second. But I really am going to cry at any second, any given time of the day.
Sometimes I think the neighbors can hear me. The walls are pretty thin. I wonder what they think of me after this.
I still like it as a fantasy, but Jesus it’s exhausting in real life. I hope when I get over it this never happens to me again.
Last edited by Daydream (June 28, 2025 4:45 pm)
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Posted by Amans lacrimae June 28, 2025 4:50 pm | #2 |
Wow, I guess your friend has seen you cry more this week than in his entire life. How does he react to you crying: does he comfort you, give you space? I wonder if he sees you as a male (because of transition) or a female (because of birth).
I hope you’re processing your emotions and healing, not stuck in the loop.
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Posted by Daydream June 28, 2025 5:39 pm | #3 |
Amans lacrimae wrote:
Wow, I guess your friend has seen you cry more this week than in his entire life. How does he react to you crying: does he comfort you, give you space? I wonder if he sees you as a male (because of transition) or a female (because of birth).
I hope you’re processing your emotions and healing, not stuck in the loop.
Yeah, I really think so. Must be weird for him, I’ve never liked being vulnerable so it’s a stark difference from my usual.
He’s comforted me quite a bit. Although sometimes he does pause unsure of what to say, I guess because this is just unusual of me and it throws him off. I’ve told him all about my situation and he tries to assure me it’s not my fault and it’ll pass. Mostly he tries to show he cares about me, cause he worries if feel lonely in this. I do feel much better after talking to him, even if I wonder if it annoys him. It does do me good to cry in front of someone and not feel judged tho.
I can’t be 100% sure how he sees me I guess. He has other close queer friends so he is open minded about this sort of thing. I imagine he sees me as male because he knew me before I transitioned and has seen changes in me, but maybe it’s hard to picture on the phone because my voice is not very low. Don’t think he cares either way tho, he’s a nice guy.
We’ve not talked about my transition much surprisingly, because it’s something that just kinda happened gradually.
For now I’m letting myself cry. If I’ve not stopped by next weekend maybe I’m stuck and I’ve gotta do something more to get out. Maybe then I can get him to drag me out in public so I’m too embarrassed or distracted to break down haha. But at the moment I think it’s still healthy enough.
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Posted by Amans lacrimae June 28, 2025 5:50 pm | #4 |
Good you have the intention of getting through, I mentioned the trans issue because (at least in my case) I think a guy is more comfortable wiping tears off a girl than of another guy, you know, masculinity issues, so, if he knew you as a female it would feel more natural to take care of your tears than if you were born male (talking for myself). Good he’s comforting you. Now, I wonder: have you noticed a difference in your crying from before the transition and now? I mean not frequency but volume of tears or intensity in crying (sobbing or silent tears).
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Posted by Daydream June 28, 2025 6:27 pm | #5 |
Good you have the intention of getting through, I mentioned the trans issue because (at least in my case) I think a guy is more comfortable wiping tears off a girl than of another guy, you know, masculinity issues, so, if he knew you as a female it would feel more natural to take care of your tears than if you were born male (talking for myself). Good he’s comforting you. Now, I wonder: have you noticed a difference in your crying from before the transition and now? I mean not frequency but volume of tears or intensity in crying (sobbing or silent tears).
Yeahhh I get it, I know how some guys get with masculinity lol. Maybe you’re onto something there.
I don’t think there’s a been very big difference for me in intensity. Tho I feel like I’ve had a lot more zero to a hundred type moments where you go from outwardly fine to sobbing and before there was more of a build up because I couldn’t control it as well. Only by myself tho, not really in front of others.I think if I do cry a bit more intensely, now i vocalize sobs where as before it would be silent sobs more so? Like actually making the crying sounds instead of just breathing out hard. Not sure why that is tbh but it feels like an improvement?
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Posted by inmyarmsagain June 29, 2025 3:48 am | #6 |
Yes. It's a greater release for the body and parasympathetic nervous system. Suppressing sound costs energy that would be better released.
Do you want to share why you've been crying so much? From your description it sounds like you're grieving something
Last edited by inmyarmsagain (June 29, 2025 3:48 am)
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Posted by Massivetearslover June 29, 2025 8:47 am | #7 |
That sounds like depression. Depression is no joke, it's a real mental disease.
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