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April 12, 2012 7:47 pm  #11

Re: Observations

carrotcake wrote:

Well, I seem to recall only one tear at a time splashing onto my chest, so I'd guess it was the size of the tears that was allowing them to fall that far. I believe these tears only made it down to my neck/upper chest area, but I can recall other times in which volume of tears has caused them to trickle a bit farther down. 

I know this won't do much for you, since he's a man, but when my boyfriend cries, his tears tend to SOAK the side of his hair, since he tends to lie on his side on the pillow or my chest. That is really hot for me because the soaked hair really highlights the volume of his tears and how much he's been crying.


I am actually interested in your boyfriends tears from a more scientific, comparison with women perspective. The general perception is guys only get wet eyes, with perhaps the odd tear which 99.99999999% of the time is wiped away before it reaches the end of their eyelashes. Whether this is true for the majority of males I don't know but it's clear guys do cry, they do shed 'real' tears (and at times lots of them), and they do allow them to fall unchecked down their face - even in front of other people (although I'd bet in the main women, and significant others at that).

Personally I've only cried in front of another male on perhaps two or three occasions. Each of these events have been in front of males I'm never likely to meet ever again (medical staff, birth of baby, etc) and only because I simply could not hold in my emotions no matter how hard I tried. Although it would have been completely obvious to everyone in the room (male & female) that I was crying because a guy was persent I instinctively wiped my tears as they fell - I was unable to leave my tears rolling down my face. I remember talking to a male Doctor as I was crying, and I could hardly see him through the tears in my eyes - but I was desparately trying to keep the tears in my eyes. As I was making eye contact with the guy it would have been so obvious I was crying - the wobbly voice for one would be a give away for a start. As I spoke to him, to my horror both eyes unexpectedly and simulatanously sent huge tears down my face - the fast moving type that are almost at your chin before you know it. I immediately used both hands to deal with the problem, he to his credit never reacted - although I felt very embarrased and did not enjoy the experience one bit.

Compare this to my crying in front of women. As long as I trust the woman not to judge me in a negative way my crying is completely different. I've cried in front of female work colleagues, female friends, my wife obviously and female medical staff (without male counterparts persent) - and the majority of the time I let tears stream down my face unchecked. As a side note, because I know through this forum some of you are female - even though I've never met you or even know your real names I'd probably have no problem or embarrasment crying in front of you face to face! Obviously my wife sees most of these tears but to make the comparison between my crying in front of a guy I've cried in front of a female Doctor before. When I say I cried I completely broke down, sobbing, wobbly voice, shaking shoulders - the works (first myth challenged) (and over something far less dramatic than the birth of my baby). Tears cascaded down my face unchecked dripping off my nose and chin like a faulty tap (second male crying myth dispelled) - I can produce a storm of tears when the emotions grab me (third myth busted). But the odd thing, in terms of the individual I was crying in front of both where virtually the same type of person - the difference in my crying was down to the fact one was male the other was female. I also made eye contact with this woman as tears spilled out down my face and dripped all over her desk - completely poles apart to my tears in front of the guy. With no embarrasement at all - werid eh!

So, to get back to your boyfriends crying (this is turning into a long post) - he clearly cries, from what you say he sheds lots of tears which he allows to flow unchecked. If he's upright when crying does he allow his tears to fall down his cheeks unchecked in front of you? Does he ever attempt to wipe away tears when he's crying in front of you? Does he cry in front of other people - what's his crying like in front of other females and males? Does he ever get embarrased about crying and specifically about his tears? One quick last question if tears are running unchecked down your cheeks what is his reaction?

Questions not soley to carrotcake - would love to here comments from others on this as well - probably should be a separate thread !

Sorry, huge post but this social aspect to crying does interest me a lot. I've frequenctly thought of conducting various social experiments !


April 12, 2012 8:28 pm  #12

Re: Observations

kournokopia wrote:

So he knows about it? Is he weirded out by it?

I'm very fortunate in that he isn't weirded out by it at all. In fact, he says he really enjoys it. He's a very emotional guy, but growing up, he was often chastised by his family for crying, etc. He feels that his emotional side is a huge part of who he is, and he loves that I find that part of him so attractive. I still get self-conscious and expect him to think it's weird, but I can tell he's being genuine when he doesn't think that. He isn't uncomfortable about crying around me at all (actually, I'm the only person he'd cry in front of). He'd also be willing to purposely satisfy my fetish, but that often involves fake crying, and THAT weirds ME out. So none of that!

     Thread Starter

April 12, 2012 8:44 pm  #13

Re: Observations

Love your post, tearhunter!

First of all, I must say that I love your descriptions of your own crying. 

It's also interesting that you mentioned that you'd be comfortable crying in front of the female board members here. I thought about that and I would definitely be comfortable crying in front of any of the people on this forum. It just wouldn't be awkward, since we've kind of breached the awkward barrier about crying, haha.

Okay, about my boyfriend's crying. He isn't embarrassed at all about crying in front of me. The only time he may try to hold it in is if we're in the middle of an argument and he doesn't want to lose his composure because of a point he's trying to make (not that this happens very often). He is definitely embarrassed about crying in front of other people, though, and he rarely does it. A lot of times, his crying is brought on because he allows himself to cry after a huge build-up of stress. Occasionally, he'll uncontrollably burst into tears, but usually it's after we're alone and have relaxed on the couch or bed that he lets himself sob. One time, when we were in front of medical personnel during a really emotional event, tears spilled out of his eyes (two or three on each cheek). He sort of turned away to wipe them off with his hand. A few more tears spilled over while we were there at the doctor's office. We drove home after that, and THEN he was able to cry more. We sat down on the couch, and he sobbed pretty hysterically in my arms. But when he begins to cry a little (like in that doctor's office), his first reaction is to well with tears, and several usually do spill over. I don't notice a difference between whether he's crying in front of men or women... it's more how comfortable he is or how well he knows people. He's more willing to cry in front of my mother than my father, for example, because he's more awkward with my father and knows my mother better. But he seems to actually care less about crying in front of strangers than in front of colleagues because he knows he'll never see the strangers again, I guess.

When he's sobbing lying down with me, he never wipes tears away, unless he needs to blow his nose. If tears fall down MY cheeks, he either does nothing (and I eventually wipe them) or he'll wipe them away with his fingers. He usually instinctively touches me when I cry, so my face is often either against his chest or in his hands.

He definitely has a HUGE volume of tears whenever he cries, though. Mostly a steady stream.

Hope I addressed everything! I do find this an interesting angle, too.

     Thread Starter

April 12, 2012 9:16 pm  #14

Re: Observations

Thanks Carrotcake - that's interesting stuff - the social aspect is fasinating.

I find it interesting your boyfriend changes is crying not because of gender (like I do) but because of how comfortable he is crying in front of the person. I guess I'm actually the same, it's just I'm not comfortable crying in front of guys. I think it is because I feel a women understands the need to cry more than your average guy and is far less likely to judge the person negatively - I would hate that to happen when I'm emotionally vunerable.

Totally agree with the crying in front of other (female for me) board members - we have all spoken openly about our crying here so we all know that each of us cry from time to time and we even know specific details on how we cry (tears, sobbing etc) so there's nothing embarrassing left. For me the reason I know I could cry in front of the females on this forum is because I know you would not judge me - and although I'd know you would probably be getting turned on I would know the comforting would be genuine - I'd be well looked after if that makes sense.

Perhaps we need to arrange the first Crying Appreciation Forum convention - now would'nt that be fun   


April 13, 2012 2:06 am  #15

Re: Observations

Let me just add that my boyfriend is not comfortable around a lot of people, so it's not as if he's bawling around half the people and clammed up around the other half. But a couple of times, he's cried when we've been in public (once in a store, once outside on a college campus), and he's seemed less self-conscious than when he cried in front of his parents (he has a bad family situation going on) and in front of a group of casual work friends. He was very uncomfortable around the latter two.

I've always wanted to meet another crying fetishist. Wouldn't it be great to talk about these things out loud to someone else who experiences them?

     Thread Starter

April 13, 2012 2:29 am  #16

Re: Observations

Okay question for everyone...
Several of you have mentioned crying in front of doctors, so I was curious...

I'm currently in medical school and would love insight on how you all would prefer those episodes to be handled by physicians.

Tearhunter- you had mentioned you were happy the male doctor didn't react or acknowledge you crying.  How did the female physicians react?  How would you have liked them to?  As I'm going to be a female doctor and I absolutely don't want to make any of my male patients feel uncomfortable or embarrassed crying in front of me, any thoughts would be awesome!

Carrotcake- how did your boyfriend's doctor react and what did you think about it?

Can't wait to hear what you guys think!

(Also, to be clear, watching guys cry, not the reason I went into medicine  )

" do not cry. They will do anything BUT cry. They stop themselves crying. And eventually they do cry if it is bad enough. So that's how you know with a man how bad it is for him. Because he would've stopped himself...Men always cry like that. They don't cry and in the end they do and if they do then it's overwhelming." ~Michael Caine

April 13, 2012 2:55 am  #17

Re: Observations

Yellowrose, good question. It was actually my mother who was ill, so the focus was not on my boyfriend, and the doctor did not acknowledge his crying at all. I think I'd prefer the doctor not directly acknowledge my crying, since that would probably make me feel awkward. I would suggest acting verbally comforting in general if you're delivering not-so-good news, and if the patient seems especially distraught, you could offer a brief hand on the arm or hand. If a family member is crying, just be sure to have tissues available in the room, but I think avoiding addressing the crying is always best. Most doctors I've seen with family members have not reacted at all to the actual tears, and I felt grateful for that.

I love your disclaimer at the end, lol. 

     Thread Starter

April 13, 2012 5:25 am  #18

Re: Observations

carrotcake wrote:

When he's sobbing lying down with me, he never wipes tears away, unless he needs to blow his nose.

My boyfriend is very much the same way. It's weird, even when he sits up for tissue, he just blows his nose, and rarely wipes his tears. I guess he'll occasionally wipe his whole face with his hands, but he never goes for the individual tears. His hair gets wet too, from tears out the sides of his eyes. One time I wiped one of his tears from my arm with a tissue, and I sort of wanted to keep the tissue, but I decided I didn't want to get started on that sort of craziness. 

Carrotcake, I was really surprised to hear about all the people your bf has cried in front of. Both your parents, work friends, his parents, strangers, doctors?!?! And were you there for all these instances? I've only ever seen mine cry when it's just us. Although there have been a couple times where we were on the phone, and he was crying on a park bench, but I don't think anyone saw him. So I guess I can't speak much to his comfort levels with both genders. I asked him once if he would be comfortable crying in front of male friends, and he said, "I don't know. I've never had to."

Just a cute side note, he tends to get very teary when he yawns, so sometimes I get the pleasure of seeing all those tears and wiping them away without any pain on his part. Sometimes I'll tease him, "Don't cry! It'll be okay!"

I'm not sure if I'd be comfortable crying in front of other (male) fetishists. I'd really have to think about that. I guess my self esteem about my body in terms of normal sex stuff isn't sky-high, so that might transfer to nontraditionally sexy stuff. One thing I do when I cry is I squeak. I cry rather quietly, usually I try to muffle it as best I can, but once in a while I'll make this high, squeaky gaspy inhale. I'm not sure if anyone here would consider that attractive, per se, but my boyfriend always hugs me tighter when I do it, so I guess it elicits some sort of comforting response.

It is such a secret place, the land of tears.
-- Antoine de Saint Exupery, "The Little Prince"

April 13, 2012 8:13 pm  #19

Re: Observations

Meantangerine, I guess my boyfriend has cried in front of a number of people, but really it's only about one incident per person, and over several years. Once in front of a doctor and nurse, once in front of my mom, once in front of my dad (as he was saying goodbye to me when I moved), once in front of his mother as she was yelling at him (crazy situation), twice in stores/out in public (because of stupid arguments we'd had), and once when his work buddies were over and he received some bad news over the phone. But of course I remember each of these instances clearly, so I can analyze them in detail. 

haha, I tease my boyfriend when he yawns, too. Or when he cuts onions. Sometimes he walks into the living room after cutting an onion with tears on his face and makes this huge show of it to me. It's amusing. 

     Thread Starter

April 14, 2012 6:25 am  #20

Re: Observations

carrotcake, these are all lovely observations.  Thank you so much for sharing with us!  I hope the things that are making your life stressful at the moment give you a break.

What movie were you watching when you saw that guy and his girlfriend tearing up at the cinema?  I'm always interested in knowing what moves people enough to make them cry.


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