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September 19, 2017 11:07 am  #1


crying as kid

One of our subjects is that kids cry naturally and just learn over time to control their feelings. Girls are more likely to cry than boys because of the stupid idea that "boys don't cry". I thought a lot about the fact why certain people cry and others don't. Thinking about this aspect I remembered a situation when I still was a kid and cried because my mom didn't want me to go out to play with the other kids because it was already late and I had to go to bed. Considering this situation as an adult person now my mom was absolutely right but as a kid I felt treated unfairly and cried, I even think in retrospect that I was quite a drama queen at that particular moment. It is the first time I remember my mother sending me to the mirror to look at me crying. She told me how ugly I look when crying, that crying changes nothing and therefore I could stop immediately because she wouldn't let me out playing with my colleagues anyway.
It is not the classic "boys don't cry" aspect (I am obviously not a boy :-)) but it was the beginning of a conditioning- it is not worth crying, it doesn't change anything and it is ugly. Did you have similar experiences?

 

September 19, 2017 1:03 pm  #2


Re: crying as kid

I can remember being belittled as a kid by my mom when I cried, and of course hearing "I'll give you something to cry about!" if I didn't stop immediately.


"We have our stalking memories, and they will demand their rightful tears."
Anonymous
 

September 19, 2017 5:11 pm  #3


Re: crying as kid

This sentence is famous and seems to go round the world in different languages! For sure the kid stops crying because the consequences are unbearable! That is one sentence I never said to our kids.

     Thread Starter
 

September 20, 2017 6:48 am  #4


Re: crying as kid

I don't remember being particularly discouraged from crying as a child. Yes I'm sure I got the "I'll give you something to cry about" threat but generally I think that if I cried it was ignored if I was being punished and acknowledged if I was hurt in some way.

I don't know if it's different for males. Generally male crying falls off a cliff at about the age of 12 to 13 - it certainly did for me - I don't remember crying in High School from about the age of 12. I remember one crying event when I was 17 but then nothing again for years.

For female I think crying does not shut off during puberty and continues - I wonder if parents deal with a crying teenager / mini adult differently than a small child.

 

September 20, 2017 3:35 pm  #5


Re: crying as kid

Also kids cry both from being emotional (angry/frustrated, sad mostly) but they also cry from  physical pain. It seems that almost all adult tears are from emotional pain instead of physical. I mean if an adult is in a lot of physical pain they'll yell and groan but not cry cry the way a child does. Does anyone know people that do this?

 

September 20, 2017 6:58 pm  #6


Re: crying as kid

Ella wrote:

Also kids cry both from being emotional (angry/frustrated, sad mostly) but they also cry from physical pain. It seems that almost all adult tears are from emotional pain instead of physical. I mean if an adult is in a lot of physical pain they'll yell and groan but not cry cry the way a child does. Does anyone know people that do this?

​I think generally your right - adults cry from emotional pain more than from physical pain. I have seen a guy cry from physical pain - well I think the primary reason was physical pain, I don't know exactly what was going through his mind. But he was trying to walk after a serious leg injury - you have to get these types of injury moving and it's incredibly painful (I know from a different area of the body!) - he was using crutches so both hands were in use. As he walked you could tell he was in agony - watched his grimace turn into a chin wobble as he started crying! With both his hand holding the crutches he had no choice but to let the tears roll down his cheeks! There was quite a few tears as well. His face was becoming increasing wet as he shuffled back and forward quietly sobbing - credit to the guy however, he didn't give up despite a ward of strangers watching him struggle and cry! 

 

September 21, 2017 1:45 am  #7


Re: crying as kid

I can tell you that adults - specifically me - DO cry from physical pain. I've been having back, hip and knee problems for the past few days, and last night it got so bad I could not sleep at all. I got maybe two hours of sleep, tops, and the pain had me in tears multiple times, this even after taking aspirin, Aleve, Tylenol, a hot bath and using liniment at various times during the night. 


"We have our stalking memories, and they will demand their rightful tears."
Anonymous
 

September 21, 2017 2:36 am  #8


Re: crying as kid

As a kid, my parents judged me based on my reasons for crying, but they wouldn't usually tell me to stop unless we were in public. They never tolerated it if I cried in protest against any of their decisions, or because I didn't want to study. If they were scolding me and I cried, they wouldn't tell me to stop, but they wouldn't soften their tone or lower their voices either. So basically, the only time they tried to shut me up was if I was crying in public and I was opposing them at the same time. However, if I was sad about something that had happened with my friends, or I was frustrated after falling short on a test or in gymnastics, they were pretty quick to comfort me and didn't try to get me to stop even if we were in public. My mother is fairly emotional (she literally just cried while talking to me on Skype an hour ago), so I think she felt hypocritical telling me not to be. She taught me that girls are sensitive and that sometimes we need to cry first before we can think about how to fix our problems. She forgot to mention that boys are sensitive toohttp://cdn.boardhost.com/emoticons/tongue.png
. She also let tears flow down her cheeks when she cried, and wiped them when she was done. I think this was the reason that, until I was almost 10 years old, I falsely thought that only girls could let tears fall down their face, and guys never did. 

It was mostly my father who had a problem with me crying in public, but I think he was just trying to teach me that there were certain places where crying would just cause me trouble. Funny thing is, my parents had two more daughters after me, and after a while I think my dad just gave up trying to stifle all the tears that were flowing in our household.My youngest sister has been allowed to cry over anything, anywhere, her whole life.

My crying increased through puberty and high school, through the process of coming out to my parents and friends, and then decreased to a more normal frequency as I settled in to my identity, marriage, and career.


I'm a woman and I think women are beautiful when they cry.
 

September 23, 2017 6:20 am  #9


Re: crying as kid

Crying because of pain: if there is the emotional context like walking on crutches feeling the physical pain and the desperation not being able to walk like before, tears for me are much more interesting than just the crying out in pain thing. Once more the cruelty of a tear lover, of course I wish the person on crutches gets better soon!

     Thread Starter
 

September 23, 2017 5:03 pm  #10


Re: crying as kid

How about crying because of pain, which prevents you from looking after a disabled husband, which could mean he has to move out to an assisted care facility? Because we're in that space right now.


"We have our stalking memories, and they will demand their rightful tears."
Anonymous
 

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