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April 2, 2015 2:46 pm  #1


A question for the comfort lovers...

When it comes to comforting someone, do you only get the enjoyment out of holding them or does it extend to just simply knowing you've made them feel a bit better? I always thought I'd only get pleasure from holding and consoling a crying guy, but I've recently found out something new about me. I was talking to this one guy on the Internet, and he was telling me his problems. We got really, really, really deep into the conversation and he really poured his feelings out toward me. I gave him as much advice and comforting words as I could. In the end, he thanked me for being there and told me that I've made him feel a lot better. As soon as I read that, I felt amazing... I couldn't stop thinking about it. Although I wasn't there to hold him or hug him, I kinda got the same feeling that I would have gotten if that were to ever happen. So comforters, do you just enjoy the sensation of holding a crying person, or does it also extend to just mentally comforting someone?


"Sometimes, the best way to help someone is just to be near them."
-Veronica Roth
 

April 2, 2015 10:00 pm  #2


Re: A question for the comfort lovers...

For me, a big part of it is just knowing I've made someone feel better. One of the reasons I love my current job is because a big part of it is doing some counseling - I enroll people into stop smoking programs, and occasionally I get someone who is scared to try to quit, but simply has to. That's when I go into my "counselor" mode, especially if the person is crying.

One time I was enrolling an older lady who had tried a number of times to quit, but hadn't been able to make them stick. During the call she got more and more upset, until she was sobbing. I was desperately trying to think of something to comfort her, when I finally blurted out: "Do you know how proud I am of you?!? You actually sat down and dialed our phone number, reached out for our help. Do you know how many people can't even manage to do that?!?" Once she started looking at it that way - not as I can't quit, but as This is a journey/process and I'm getting help and guidance, she calmed down and by the end of the call was even feeling more optimistic.

Holding someone is nice (very!) but it isn't the be all and end all for me. When I'm comforting someone in person, what I want to do is make them feel safe enough to express their emotions freely, and THEN to help them feel better.


"We have our stalking memories, and they will demand their rightful tears."
Anonymous
 

April 3, 2015 1:25 am  #3


Re: A question for the comfort lovers...

What matters to me is I'm being there for that person whether holding and hugging them personally or reading and listening to their problems. As long as I make someone feel better and made their day, I'd feel happy too. Physically comforting them is much more intimate but what I do is just virtually hug them or make them feel that I care and try to be always be there for them. On a side note, I think I know who you're talking about. But it doesn't matter.  

Hope this helps!

 

April 3, 2015 1:51 pm  #4


Re: A question for the comfort lovers...

Roley wrote:

What matters to me is I'm being there for that person whether holding and hugging them personally or reading and listening to their problems. As long as I make someone feel better and made their day, I'd feel happy too. Physically comforting them is much more intimate but what I do is just virtually hug them or make them feel that I care and try to be always be there for them. On a side note, I think I know who you're talking about. But it doesn't matter.  

Hope this helps!

 
Woah wait a minute, you know who I'm talking about? I know you from somewhere, don't I...


"Sometimes, the best way to help someone is just to be near them."
-Veronica Roth
     Thread Starter
 

April 3, 2015 8:18 pm  #5


Re: A question for the comfort lovers...

Yowza wrote:

 
Woah wait a minute, you know who I'm talking about? I know you from somewhere, don't I...

Hmm, maybe. But I'm glad to hear that someone had helped you discover something new about yourself and I hope you're doing great http://cdn.boardhost.com/emoticons/happy.png

 

 

April 6, 2015 4:45 pm  #6


Re: A question for the comfort lovers...

I definitely like comforting people online or over the phone.  Sometimes I go to blahtherapy.com to be a listener for someone, and my boyfriend's cried to me over the phone a few times, which made me feel honored.  At the same time, however, (particularly with the crying on the phone bit), it's a little torturous to know the person is upset and I can't be there with them to hold them.  I guess it just depends on the situation

 

February 3, 2018 2:37 pm  #7


Re: A question for the comfort lovers...

I do feel like I just performed a good deed if I make someone feel better, but the experience of comforting someone, specially a girl, is not complete if I don´t get to wipe her tears. Usually either a hug or caressing her hair precedes the act of gently wiping her tears.

 

February 8, 2018 12:42 am  #8


Re: A question for the comfort lovers...

I get tremendous enjoyment from the comforting itself. It is intensely arousing for me to comfort someone even over the phone or texting/email/instant message. I will say that talking to my husband on the phone when he is upset or crying is extremely difficult for me. I feel such an overwhelming urge to hold him, and a helpless longing to fully comfort him, which I don't feel I can do adequately without holding/hugging/kissing him. Once, he was out of town and very upset by something, and those 24 hours between the upsetting event and his return were excruciating. I slept about two hours - woke up at 3:00 am and went downstairs to make him a big batch of cookies (his favorite). He was quite happy to eat them when he got home, and I took that afternoon off work and spent it in bed holding him while he cried a bit and napped.

 

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