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February 28, 2016 12:06 am  #11

Re: Various reactions to Your Crying by other people

From what I have noticed, men are worse at handling tears. For some reason, most males are under the stigma that crying = weakness. I highly beg to differ. Crying, in my opinion, makes you stronger- unafraid to show your true emotions, and what really lies deep inside. Those doctors treating you so rudely clearly have no understanding of that. They are the reason people have the deluded mindset that men shouldn't cry. Bullcrap. You had every right to cry, and the doctors should have known that, they're doctors for crying out loud!

I, unfortunately, have never had a good comfort. None of my friends are touchy-feely people, and others have been quick, awkward hugs. I've never had fully negative responses, just neutral ones. No one has ever held me, acted genuinely concerned for me, or try to take care of me.

"Sometimes, the best way to help someone is just to be near them."
-Veronica Roth

February 28, 2016 2:14 am  #12

Re: Various reactions to Your Crying by other people

I've long suspected that some medical professionals have succeeded in "hardening" themselves emotionally, because if they didn't, they'd go crazy from all the illness and death they see.  So when they saw the OP crying they were reacting defensively because deep down they realize, perhaps with regret, that they never allow themselves to cry, at least not where others can see them.  IMO, it's quite sad, that callous attitude -- and it's one of the reasons I'm happy I don't work in the medical profession. 

Last edited by White Tulip (February 28, 2016 2:18 am)


February 29, 2016 12:01 pm  #13

Re: Various reactions to Your Crying by other people

White Tulip - You are probably right, where I was treated is generally recognised as being a 'tougher' side of the country - a bit more 'in your face' and not prone to showing emotions. With a combination of this hard exterior and a protective shield thrown up to protect themselves I agree they end up reacting very negatively to crying.

'Yowza - I would not say I was 'unafraid' to show my emotions - sometimes it I find it very difficult when I feel tears coming! But, I agree I don't see tears as a weakness, both for males and females. Crying is an important emotion and source of release - I just wish more people felt this way.

     Thread Starter

March 4, 2016 6:09 pm  #14

Re: Various reactions to Your Crying by other people

I tend to feel really awkward about being comforted or having my crying acknowledged in any overt way.  I usually just let my tears flow unchecked and go on as if nothing was happening.  My husband, who knows me pretty well, usually goes along with this. 

Actually, the last time I cried (it was probably about a month ago) I was talking to my husband on the phone -- he was traveling overseas for work.  Because of the time difference he ended up calling me very early in the morning and I was lonely, tired, slightly hungover, and stressed out about a project I was working on.  His trip also fell over a date that was somewhat important to both of us and while, in principle, I was completely okay with observing it alone, in reality I was a bit upset about it.

In the middle of talking about something totally mundane, I noticed this tickle in the corner of my eye and felt a tear run down my cheek.  It was totally unexpected. My thought was something along the lines of -- hmm, I guess I'm crying.  I continued to shed silent tears one after the other -- to the point where they rolled off my chin and kind of pooled in my collar bone.  I managed to keep my voice low and steady and when I felt my lip or my voice start to wobble I would pause for a second before moving on.  At one point, my husband said I sounded "sad," but I told him I was just tired.  I'm not sure whether he could tell I was crying or not.

To some extent, I think my interest in male crying stems from a desire to be more open and comfortable with my feelings.  In the same way that I think most people tend to fall for people who possess qualities they admire or aspire to, I develop crushes on guys who allow themselves to cry, while still maintaining some degree of control, because it's a trait I wish I had.

While my husband is not a big crier, he's a bit more sentimental and sensitive than I am.  He's much quicker to tear up at movie or a touching event or story -- which I still find incredibly charming and attractive.  

Last edited by Tristana (March 5, 2016 3:02 am)


April 28, 2016 1:40 am  #15

Re: Various reactions to Your Crying by other people

Quick story: Recently I attended a funeral for the mother of one of my supervisors from work. The following day, I overheard several of my colleagues gossiping about the funeral and the attendees. They were specifically talking about everyone they had seen cry and judging if they were crying sincerely or if they were forcing tears in order to ingratiate themselves with the supervisor. They were only talking about the women; they did not disparage any of the men who cried at the funeral. As I passed by, they asked me if I had "managed to squeeze out a tear," as all of them had apparently been unable to do so. 

Remember how I said people sometimes assume women fake cry for unsavory reasons? Sometimes it is women who perpetuate these stereotypes, and some women do try to use crocodile tears for opportunistic personal gain.

Unless you are an actress, either cry sincerely or don't cry at all.

I'm a woman and I think women are beautiful when they cry.

October 20, 2017 8:40 am  #16

Re: Various reactions to Your Crying by other people

First of all, I have never cried in public, in my whole adult life the only person who has seen me cry is my wife, who, answering your question, has been kind and compassionate most of the times I cried.

I have several stories but will stick with just one.
I lost a family member who was like a mother to me, at the moment my then fiancee had only seen me cry once (I had seen her cry several times by then) I was not even aware I was in the mood for crying.

She provided me the bad news, I did not react, I was in shock, she hugged me and told me to cry, said it would be good for me.

All of a sudden a wave of sadness hit me and unexpectedly I started crying and lightly sobbing, she immediatelly hugged me and started crying as well.

I remember feeling hot tears marking their way down my face while we were hugging, when all of a sudden she broke the embrace and, I don't remember seeing her hands approaching my face, she cupped my face with both hands and gently wiped my tears with her thumbs erasing the trails that streaked my cheeks.

I was in awe, as nobody had ever wiped my tears, it was one of the best feeling sensations in my life, I was even aroused by it.

At that moment I knew I loved being comforted physically by my wife and understood how she might have felt the multiple times I had wiped her tears.

Since then, I still don't like to cry, but when I do, I expect my wife to wipe my tears, which fortunately has happened.

Respect your last question, I almost always kiss and wipe my wife's tears when she cries.


November 6, 2017 5:16 pm  #17

Re: Various reactions to Your Crying by other people

I cried last year over the phone while talking to my best friend, who is a girl. We were talking about something emotional, and she said that she understood my feelings and that it was alright, and at the same time said that unless I stopped crying, she would cry too. And more recently, we were talking about something else, also a bit emotional though on the happier side, and I started crying and she just laughed (in a nice way, not in a mocking way), that I was moved to tears. She knows I'm quite sensitive, and I don't think she minds me crying.


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