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March 4, 2016 10:30 am  #21


Re: Who have you told about your crying fetish in real life?

Argh, I just typed a huge post in response and this stupid browser lost it and never posted it!! That's it Microsoft Edge is going in the bin, had nothing but problems with it since I upgrade to Windows 10.

Will try and get time to post it again, this time in Google Chrome!! 

Last edited by tearhunter (March 4, 2016 10:30 am)

 

March 4, 2016 3:34 pm  #22


Re: Who have you told about your crying fetish in real life?

...here goes again, but my lost post was a stream of thoughts so don't think it will be the same as before 

Diana wrote:

I hate to say it, but sad tears are usually more "dramatic"

I think that was the point I was trying to say, while happy tears do exist they are not nearly as common or as intense - for guys at least. And I'm guessing they would not give you quite as much of a thrill as sad tears. I have cried happy tears a few times but I've never felt vulnerable or helpless because of them. I remember tears spilling down my face when our daughter was born - they were happy tears, with a bit of relief mixed in - the joke is I christened her early, as I leant forward to kiss her on the head two huge tears dripped off my face as splashed on her head!

I understand your fantasy - it's a very powerful one. One I understand very well due to recent events! Although I'm not 100% sure my tears where necessarily happy, but they were not necessarily sad either! I shed tears thanking people for their help, I was transferred between hospitals and I thanked one nurse who had been incredible, she felt like my own personal nurse, as I thanked her my voice broke and a couple of tears rolled down my face.then not 45 minutes later more tears ran down my face as I thanked the paramedics who drove me to the other hospital and they were both male! (I was on strong medication) But I guess that's as close as I can get to your fantasy without having a special relationship with the other person.

But this happy(ish) crying did not have the bonding aspect you talk about and I so get the bonding part being a turn on!! For me this only occurs when the other person is crying with me at the same time. And it can be happy or sad tears, the important part is crying with the other person and neither person being embarrassed to show their tears. This has only really happened to me with my wife and close female friend. Your right, it's such a deep connection - incredibly powerful - eye contact is magical, I've looked into my wife's tear filled blue eyes and my friends tear filled Brown/Green eyes, watched as a tear grew and spilled down their cheeks as I felt my own tears well up in my eyes as spill down my face simultaneously - turn's me on just thinking about it. It's like being drunk, your inhibitions go, I've experienced the most incredible love making sessions with my wife after crying together, and on one occasion while crying with my best female friend (of over 20 years) I had the most incredible urge to undress her and make love you her - we didn't I'll hasten to add but she would have only needed to have suggested it and that would have been it!! - so very powerful and dangerous!!

I can't remember the chemistry involved of the top of my head exactly, but I believe Oxytocin is the main driver in emotional tears. It's more common in women - it's present in her monthly cycle! - it's present in breast milk - which is why it is believed women generally cry more, especially around that time of the month and why women cry during and after pregnancy! It's also a stress and depression/anxiety hormones as well I think - probably why I've been so tearful lately!!

I like your idea of crying games, but will it get guys to cry? They are the ones most likely to cheat! I don't think generally most guys can make themselves cry. And I think it would need to be sad thoughts, not happy ones and I'm guessing that's not likely to happen as a party. I've thought about the staring contest, it can generate tears but not the feelings of vulnerability or helplessness you seek. There is a crying challenge on YouTube going around, but its not that great as most folk just lark around!!

What I like about this however is the idea of bring crying out into the open. I wonder if you might be better saying that you think guys should be allowed to cry (I'd add women as well to deflect attention from the underlying meaning) - you could say openly that guys could cry in front of you without fear of being judged or embarrassment. You could add that you believe crying is health (which I honestly think it is), how most people feel better after a good cry. You might have to be more open about your own crying habits. You might have to cry more openly, tears left to roll down cheeks than you have done before - got to practice what you preach. You could point out that most people cry, they just don't talk about it - I read something a while back that 75% (ish) of women have cried in the last month, rising to 90% (ish) in the last year. For males it's 35% (ish) in the last month and 60% (ish) in the last year. So, every third guy you meet has cried in the last month and more than half in the last year! But, yet ask them out right and guys never cry!!

I would generally be more open about crying (keeping the 'passion' side of things under wraps) and see what happens - it might be a case of slowly does it. Bring crying in general into the conversation. 

I think at the moment I could guarantee tears! Just get me on the right subject and boom! The tears come flooding in. There's part of me is very curious about how you would react in such a situation given that it does not come along too often - would it overwhelm you?

Anyway I've spent too much time on posts today... better go for now...    
 

 

March 5, 2016 9:10 am  #23


Re: Who have you told about your crying fetish in real life?

Aw Tearhunter, I'm sorry your first post got lost!!  Thanks so much for taking the time and effort to post again.  Your replies are always appreciated!!   

I still enjoy crying observations or scenes from movies even on just on a physical level (sights and sounds of crying), but it certainly does take it to a whole other level if I can bond with the person at the same time.  Your descriptions of what it's like to be crying with another person and bonding with them are awesome... it's weird, now that I think about it, I say I'm drawn to the vulnerability in a man yet I want my crying man looking into my eyes a lot... but if he keeps a lot of eye contact with me, he must not be too embarrassed so maybe he's not as vulnerable as I thought... I guess I see a very sexy mixture... he is brave enough to let his feelings show, so there's strength and confidence, which is sexy, and he loses physical composure doing it, so there's vulnerability, which is also sexy.  Actually, combinations of things that pull in two different directions are often exciting to me... like when a comedian cries for real... it's like, whoa, that person has that side to them as well... such a contrast from how they usually behave on the outside...

But I would love to cry at the same time with some guy over something meaningful and have our tears falling almost in sync... wow, that would be awesome... I fantasize about this... you guys must think I have an endless number of fantasies, but I swear I must have confessed nearly all of them by now!!!  But I have fantasized a lot about crying with a man and each of us being set off by the other person's crying... specifically, when I was in my late teens, I had this fantasy where I was in love with an older man and he was in love with me but our age gap was standing our way of getting together, so it was a sort of happy-sad crying between us... we had strong feelings for each other that we felt couldn't be acted upon... a lot of sexual tension and tears resulted.  Now that I'm older and married (and to heck with age gaps once you're legal anyway!), this fantasy has taken the form of me and a male friend falling for each other and being unable to act on it but we still can't stop the feelings from spilling over.  By the way, I don't fantasize about my husband crying because, well, for one thing, he doesn't DO it, like, ever... it's really easier to just make someone up or insert a hot celebrity or friend and then get them to behave in ways that even THEY wouldn't behave, but I don't know them as well as my hubby, so I can imagine that maybe they are really like that... and I wouldn't REALLY cheat on my dear hubby, of course...

Oops, got side-tracked again.  OK, where was I?

Well, you are right, I don't think most guys can make themselves cry and even if they could manage it, it's not something they could do in a casual situation like a party.  I appreciate your feedback on trying to go the route of acting like I'm pro-crying (as in pro-being-open-emotionally) rather than revealing that it's a passion.  I wouldn't be embarrassed to open up about how much I cry and I'm fine with crying openly (although I feel there are only certain appropriate times and places where it would seem natural, like at a touching movie, so one would have to purposely arrange these situations).  It's a great idea and it's honestly something I believe in... even for myself... I am trying to be more open and feel my emotions more deeply all the time...

Hmm, I don't know yet if this way of doing it will work for me... on the face of it, it might be a bit serious, and it's hard to explain, but... I'm not really very "serious"?  I mean, I am, and on the internet, I seem to be getting into some pretty serious conversations, but I would describe my social style in real life (with co-workers, friends, etc.) as light and playful, energetic and bubbly.  So I might try to think how I can be my real bubbly self while at the same time work the subject of crying (of all things!!) into more conversations... hmm, it might be a challenge as I know crying may be regarded as "serious", but it also doesn't have to be terribly serious... crying can even be comical at times (sometimes I wonder how much I might enjoy some "fake" crying and comforting done in a comical way... anything that gets me out of my head and into real life with this interest...).  There is also the fact that I moved to a new city... the downside is that I don't have many new friends here yet, and not even any particular guys in mind to talk to about crying, but the upside is that I have a chance to reinvent myself RIGHT NOW and create a sort of first impression...  

On the topic of 'less-serious'... I once found myself completely accidentally flirting with a male friend who was hurt... physically, that is, from an injury that was healing... I just felt sorry for him when he would wince and yelp in pain, but when I started showing concern and fussing over him, oddly enough, he started to change... he suddenly seemed into me in a way he had never been before... he seemed to enjoy my concern and he played right into it as the hurt one, almost acting more hurt than he really was... my husband was there with us at all times, so it wasn't anything crazy, but I could swear he was really enjoying this dynamic... although he was already an affectionate guy, he was suddenly putting his arm around me any chance he got... so maybe HE had a fetish of wanting to be taken care of or something... sadly, he lives far away or I would have secretly tried to pursue it until I felt I had figured out what made him tick... so anyway, the point I'm making is that sometimes these things are so indirect... like there are dynamics that don't necessarily involve crying yet are aligned with a type of dynamic that *I* like to have with a man that is similar to the crying one... I guess that one was me taking care of him (all I did was make sure he took his pain meds) and him whimpering and basically revelling in being taken care of by me!!!  He's quite a good looking guy, too... 
I would like to stumble upon more situations like that one!!!!  Maybe there are many other scenarios that are much more common for people to enjoy than crying but still hold some of the same dynamics... anyone got any ideas??

I guess that's what motivates me to tell... or not even TELL (which is too much!) but act differently myself... "telling" not with words so much but with little behaviours or reactions or actions... even things I start myself on purpose... that day was so innocent and everything was unspoken and I didn't intentionally start it, but I certainly won't forget it...

I hope I haven't told that story before?  Can't keep track anymore...

I think I can do this serious thing!!!  Just want to add a bit of a smile and creativity to it and not limit it to just "crying"... even add a bit of carefully disguised roleplay into my actions... see what cues I pick up from others and what kind of cues I can send out... 

Oh, before I go, I see I have a question to answer.

tearhunter wrote:

I think at the moment I could guarantee tears! Just get me on the right subject and boom! The tears come flooding in. There's part of me is very curious about how you would react in such a situation given that it does not come along too often - would it overwhelm you?

Hmm, I don't know if you mean would it overwhelm me emotionally or if you mean would it overwhelm me as in be difficult for me to handle?  Well, I think what you just described sounds totally HOT!!   So, if we were alone and I knew you well, I would definitely offer a hug and I think I would cry a bit if we hugged but not nearly as much as you.  If you were a stranger at a distance (I had a funeral obs like that once), I would sit there and think, WOW, this is an amazing obs and would be paying close attention to every detail, but probably wouldn't cry unless I was already feeling emotional.  If it were a stranger or loose acquaintance but close up, that sounds like the most overwhelming combination.  Like, oh, what do I do now... should I pretend not to notice, should I walk away to give him some privacy, can I stay and watch this without getting caught, should I try to offer him help, does he have someone nearby who can help him, etc.  Hope that answers your question...?
 

Last edited by Diana (March 5, 2016 9:41 am)

     Thread Starter
 

March 7, 2016 7:27 pm  #24


Re: Who have you told about your crying fetish in real life?

Diana, it's been interesting and enlightening to read the posts in this thread -- the dialogue between you and tearhunter has given me a lot to think about with respect to my specific interests in crying the forms it could take in my life.

At this point, I feel like it's an aspect of my inner life that I want to keep private, but in the future I might feel differently.  

Incidentally, I happen to have this long-standing fantasy -- partially based on a real life experience -- that incorporates a number of the elements you discuss: strong eye contact, mutual tears, the expressed willingness to be vulnerable.

In the fantasy, I'm out for drinks with a group of work or grad school colleagues and end up getting into an intense conversation cute guy I don't know that well.  Eventually we start telling each other about our hometowns, childhood anecdotes, families, etc. and I look up and am surprised to find that his eyes are welling up with tears.  In a panic, say something like "Oh no.  I'm so sorry.  I didn't mean . . ."  But he smiles and says "No. It's okay," as a tear escapes his bottom eyelashes and falls down his cheeks.  

Then in a shaky voice with tears streaming down his face he starts to tell me about a sad incident from his past, pausing and looking down, when he needs to regain composure.  Listening to him talk, I feel overwhelmed with an unfamiliar combination of sadness, empathy, and gratitude and a few tears run down my cheeks as well.  After the story is finished, he wipes his blotchy cheeks and sniffles, looking at me expectantly,  Although I would normally be way to shy to even think contemplate doing this, I suddenly get up and hug him.  I feel him draw a shaky breath and I say "I'm so sorry that happened to you." He smiles though a fresh film of tears and says, "That's alright.  It actually feels really good to talk about it." I smile back and we probably instantly fall in love or something to that effect . . .

Anyway, it actually does feel really good to have a place to share and work through these ideas without feeling totally odd and out of place.  Thanks!          

 

March 8, 2016 5:42 am  #25


Re: Who have you told about your crying fetish in real life?

Hi Tristana, glad you've found our posts interesting and enlightening.  Your fantasy sounds great... I love guy-brings-up-a-sad-thing-from-the-past fantasies... a classic for sure! 

EDIT:  Oh, and my latest thing (I know... I change my mind every 5 minutes, it seems...) is that I think I want to explore my emotional depth in a public sort of way.  Just as a "general interest" in exploring emotional depth and range.  I wonder what workshops I could take that would acheive this?  That is where I would meet others who want to do the same thing with their emotions too.  And the deepest emotions we experience usually involve tears, so it seems suitable without having to call my 'thing' a fetish.  It's about getting more in touch with our emotions and appreciating them and sharing them (which is the interesting part) with others.

Anyone know where to look for an outlet for this?  Is there an organized group out there who promote this sort of philosophy that I could join?  I really want to meet people.  Even women, just to embrace the identity and feel more comfortable with it.  It seems general enough that there should be lots of interest... yet where do I look??

Last edited by Diana (March 8, 2016 6:19 am)

     Thread Starter
 

March 8, 2016 3:52 pm  #26


Re: Who have you told about your crying fetish in real life?

Diana - I reckon it is possible for a guy to be comfortable crying in front of a woman and still to feel exposed and vulnerable. You used the words strength and confidence - they are not words that immediately sprang to mind but thinking about it yes it perhaps takes a strong character (in male terms) to be willing to go to a place that brings out those feelings and emotions - crying is not a weakness! (I'm going to get a banner with that slogan!) In terms of confidence, could this also be trust? I need to trust the person with my emotions to cry in front of them... it's like saying you are looking after my emotions, take care of them!

Crying with someone close is amazing I'd recommend it to anyone as a close bonding experience - as long as your not arguing and that's why you are both crying!! Interestingly Diana I do have fantasies where my wife is crying, some times where we are both crying. I think I remember you saying that although your husband does not cry much you have seen him cry before? Have you ever seen his tears running down his face? Has he allowed his tears to roll down his face unchecked? If you have seen him cry I thought you might have popped him into a fantasy or two?

If talking about sad crying is at odds with your personality, would talking about crying as I don't know some regular activity that keeps you light and energetic? I'm like this because I take time out to cry when I need too? 

With regard to your hurt friend, yes he probably did like being looked after. I think deep down every guy likes being looked after by a woman - and if they are attracted to them - wel!! I've been look after by a few hot nurses and doctors and I probably acted something similar to your friend

And yes a situation can exist where that can lead to crying. I was floored, could not walk, on a ton of very strong pain relief - you feel helpless, in pain, and yip emotional - in fact for me very emotional and its actual very common - I witnessed similarly injured guys cry - however I would not advise going down this route, because it hurts, a lot!! (I know you would not really)

When I asked if it would overwhelm you - what I was asking was that if you got just the right type of crying observation - the vulnerability the tears - the whole thing and more - would you get turned on and not be able to hide the fact you were seriously turned on! It's such a perfect moment, one you have been waiting years for and your living it!! 

If it was me and you cried I'd certainly be turned on at some level, I've discovered I can get turned on sexually even when I'm in a fairly dark place - weird I know!

Tristana - that sound like just about the perfect observation if I was the guy! For a story to move someone else to tears is very touching. It would be very powerful indeed if as you get up to hug the person you are crying - tears falling down your cheeks! And as the guy cries new tears you cry with him! Your probably right, you'd be in bed before you knew it  if you were both still in tears... that's incredible!

 

March 8, 2016 4:02 pm  #27


Re: Who have you told about your crying fetish in real life?

Diana wrote:

Hi Tristana, glad you've found our posts interesting and enlightening.  Your fantasy sounds great... I love guy-brings-up-a-sad-thing-from-the-past fantasies... a classic for sure! 

EDIT:  Oh, and my latest thing (I know... I change my mind every 5 minutes, it seems...) is that I think I want to explore my emotional depth in a public sort of way.  Just as a "general interest" in exploring emotional depth and range.  I wonder what workshops I could take that would acheive this?  That is where I would meet others who want to do the same thing with their emotions too.  And the deepest emotions we experience usually involve tears, so it seems suitable without having to call my 'thing' a fetish.  It's about getting more in touch with our emotions and appreciating them and sharing them (which is the interesting part) with others.

Anyone know where to look for an outlet for this?  Is there an organized group out there who promote this sort of philosophy that I could join?  I really want to meet people.  Even women, just to embrace the identity and feel more comfortable with it.  It seems general enough that there should be lots of interest... yet where do I look??

Wow, if only somewhere like this existed! I'm I correct in saying however that you'd like to witness other people go to this emotional place and that's were you would get your main interest from. 

Or do you want to go to this emotional place, cry openly yourself in front of other people and experience things this way? Have you ever cried openly in public? I don't mean in dark cinema's or theatres but in public where several (a few - more that two say) people could see you were crying? They could visibly see tears rolling down your cheeks and hear the emotion in your voice. 

If you have, how did you feel, how did they react?

I must admit I can't think of anywhere like this other than acting classes, but this must be such a small part of acting.

 

March 9, 2016 2:14 am  #28


Re: Who have you told about your crying fetish in real life?

Such insight, Tearhunter.  Love how you said," I need to trust the person with my emotions to cry in front of them... it's like saying you are looking after my emotions, take care of them!"  Yes, just because a guy's open to crying does not diminish his sense of vulnerability!  He's just handing his emotions over to her and trusting her with them. 

I immediately tried fantasizing about my husband as soon as I read this post and realized I've been missing out!!!  Aww.  I guess I just had such a disconnect when it came to this fetish because he basically disapproves of it (thinks it's weird or somewhat off, although tolerates it) whereas the men in my fantasies either don't know about the fetish or think it's awesome.  But when I imagined him crying earlier, it was quite powerful -- surely because I really do know and love him.  But the only tears I've ever seen from him have been during relationship problems (including the making up parts).  Not going to wish for those, nor do I wish for something bad to happen that would make him cry, so I guess that (combined with his attitude toward my fetish) had kept him out of things.  Yes Tearhunter, I have seen tears run down his face unchecked, although it has been many years! 

Great suggestion to say that crying it out when I need to is what keeps me light and playful.

My friend's ribs hurt every time he laughed.  I believe they were just bruised.  So we were all hanging out and chatting in our usual way and suddenly he'd laugh at something and then immediately go "Ow" and bend over in pain.  Those little yelps of pain (little non tearful "cries", in a way) started to get to me and it blossomed from there!  I'm thinking maybe it could be expanded to things like... I dunno... headaches... asthma... nothing too serious, but situations where someone just needs to take it easy for a bit or isn't operating at 100% but is trying to carry on regardless... non-contagious situations, that is... I'm not interested in working in a hospital as a nurse, but it would be really nice to take care of more guys... hmm, I guess if I were more into the sports scene, there would inevitably be more injuries there... too bad I have so little interest in sports... could probably volunteer somewhere, though!!  Not a senior's home (too old), not a hospital (too germy, sometimes too serious)... hmm, I wonder what's left?  Maybe I'm just too picky, ack!!  Would be nice to focus on that though, and less on my crying fetish... seems more realistic somehow!!

Tearhunter, in answer to the "overwhelm" question, I think that in real life, if my fantasies did come true, I would end up being less turned on than I always assumed I would be (therefore easier to hide it), but I don't know.  I think it would have to be long and drawn out or quite intimate to REALLY get me going.  A few minutes of crying and then it's over and done with isn't that big a deal.  Sounds too quick.  Not too worried about that one.  But spending all afternoon with a fragile, continuously weepy kind of guy (ahhh!!), taking care of him, bonding intimately with him, hanging around on a couch or a bed, wiping his tears... at some point that would probably put me dangerously close to the edge... I mean, come on, I'm human, I can only take so much... then if you added on top of that that he already knew about the fetish and thought it was awesome or if he was getting turned on by his own vulnerability and wanted me to gently lead him into losing even more control... like pushing his buttons, so to speak... definitely... that would practically be giving me permission to get overwhelmed, though, so hey, why not?  Will probably never get to test these theories out, though!

EDIT:  Regarding your other post, yes, you're correct in saying that I'd like to witness other people go to this emotional place and that it is where I get my main interest from.  But I have enough interest in it that I can legitimately call it my own as well, I think.  I just sort of want it like a tool.  A tool that I can use if I choose.  I would like to be able to emote more strongly and more fully than I already do... not necessarily in front of people all the time but just to feel more alive... just to "feel" things more... I'm a lot in my head... the type of person who approaches things from a "thinking" perspective... I'm not afraid of feeling and emotions... just my natural default tendency to jump up into my head... being caught up in "feeling" the moment looks more fun sometimes...

I can't think offhand of when I've cried openly in public where there's several people seeing me cry, but you're right about acting classes... it's just one part of the overall picture, but if you find just the right class and don't have to be enrolled in a full acting program or need a bunch of pre-requisites to take it, that's probably the way to go.

I think I've kind of figured things out (finally)... live it out in real life simply by doing it myself... don't talk the talk unless you're willing to walk the walk, as the expression goes... then share it with others.. tell them how liberating and exciting it feels... be willing to demonstrate... and be willing to have fun or get serious, whichever the situation calls for... emote strongly and the universe will bring more strong emoters to you... that is my theory... they say like attracts like... so wish me luck!!!

Last edited by Diana (March 9, 2016 3:28 am)

     Thread Starter
 

March 10, 2016 7:24 am  #29


Re: Who have you told about your crying fetish in real life?

Diana wrote:

spending all afternoon with a fragile, continuously weepy kind of guy (ahhh!!), taking care of him, bonding intimately with him, hanging around on a couch or a bed, wiping his tears... at some point that would probably put me dangerously close to the edge... I mean, come on, I'm human, I can only take so much... then if you added on top of that that he already knew about the fetish and thought it was awesome or if he was getting turned on by his own vulnerability and wanted me to gently lead him into losing even more control... like pushing his buttons, so to speak... definitely...

In reflecting on my own post, I realize how poorly I worded something.  Reading it back, it sounds like I'm interested in taking a guy who's in trouble and sticking the knife in deeper so that he cries harder.  Just for the record, it's not what I meant at all...

I'm not into emotional masochists!  I guess there were two different situations I was talking about.  One was a crying-comforting scene involving emotional distress and emotional release of the crier.  Anything resembling button pushing in that situation would be sweet and caring or related to the overall goals of healing, bonding, etc... 

The other (separate) situation I was thinking of was drawing tears out of a guy for the purposes of arousing him... a guy who is not particularly in distress (gotta be a lot more careful if they are) but is pretty happy yet has a mixed relationship when it comes to his own vulnerability... on the one hand, he hates it, yet he can't deny that it thrills him too... so much so that he seeks out opportunities...

This would obviously be a unique person as the majority of guys aren't aroused by emotional vulnerability, but I can imagine some submissive and some other types being turned on by it.  Being "verbally caressed" to the point of releasing tears might satisfy these people just like being "physically caressed" in certain *ahem* other areas satisfies other people (um, sorry, trying very hard not to get too graphic here, but I see such a similarity between sex and crying... particularly the build-up and release...)

Anyway, that's all I meant.  Oh the sweet TEASE of it.  Yes, I want to "verbally caress" a willing participant into tears and feelings of loss of control... and have them begging me for more...
 

Last edited by Diana (March 10, 2016 7:40 am)

     Thread Starter
 

March 10, 2016 7:05 pm  #30


Re: Who have you told about your crying fetish in real life?

Having been in a situation with a guy who is frequently weepy and out of control, I can tell you it isn't as fun as it sounds. My husband, back in the day, had very frequent panic attacks, complete with hysteria, and when that happened I was so focused on helping him relieve the pain I got absolutely NO joy out of it - in fact, toward the end when the attacks were coming roughly 3 times a week, I was so over the entire thing that I began resenting his loss of control. I've found that, while it's fun to imagine certain scenarios, when you're actually in them they're not nearly as enjoyable.


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