...here goes again, but my lost post was a stream of thoughts so don't think it will be the same as before 

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Diana wrote:

I hate to say it, but sad tears are usually more "dramatic"

I think that was the point I was trying to say, while happy tears do exist they are not nearly as common or as intense - for guys at least. And I'm guessing they would not give you quite as much of a thrill as sad tears. I have cried happy tears a few times but I've never felt vulnerable or helpless because of them. I remember tears spilling down my face when our daughter was born - they were happy tears, with a bit of relief mixed in - the joke is I christened her early, as I leant forward to kiss her on the head two huge tears dripped off my face as splashed on her head!

I understand your fantasy - it's a very powerful one. One I understand very well due to recent events! Although I'm not 100% sure my tears where necessarily happy, but they were not necessarily sad either! I shed tears thanking people for their help, I was transferred between hospitals and I thanked one nurse who had been incredible, she felt like my own personal nurse, as I thanked her my voice broke and a couple of tears rolled down my face.then not 45 minutes later more tears ran down my face as I thanked the paramedics who drove me to the other hospital and they were both male! (I was on strong medication) But I guess that's as close as I can get to your fantasy without having a special relationship with the other person.

But this happy(ish) crying did not have the bonding aspect you talk about and I so get the bonding part being a turn on!! For me this only occurs when the other person is crying with me at the same time. And it can be happy or sad tears, the important part is crying with the other person and neither person being embarrassed to show their tears. This has only really happened to me with my wife and close female friend. Your right, it's such a deep connection - incredibly powerful - eye contact is magical, I've looked into my wife's tear filled blue eyes and my friends tear filled Brown/Green eyes, watched as a tear grew and spilled down their cheeks as I felt my own tears well up in my eyes as spill down my face simultaneously - turn's me on just thinking about it. It's like being drunk, your inhibitions go, I've experienced the most incredible love making sessions with my wife after crying together, and on one occasion while crying with my best female friend (of over 20 years) I had the most incredible urge to undress her and make love you her - we didn't I'll hasten to add but she would have only needed to have suggested it and that would have been it!! - so very powerful and dangerous!!

I can't remember the chemistry involved of the top of my head exactly, but I believe Oxytocin is the main driver in emotional tears. It's more common in women - it's present in her monthly cycle! - it's present in breast milk - which is why it is believed women generally cry more, especially around that time of the month and why women cry during and after pregnancy! It's also a stress and depression/anxiety hormones as well I think - probably why I've been so tearful lately!!

I like your idea of crying games, but will it get guys to cry? They are the ones most likely to cheat! I don't think generally most guys can make themselves cry. And I think it would need to be sad thoughts, not happy ones and I'm guessing that's not likely to happen as a party. I've thought about the staring contest, it can generate tears but not the feelings of vulnerability or helplessness you seek. There is a crying challenge on YouTube going around, but its not that great as most folk just lark around!!

What I like about this however is the idea of bring crying out into the open. I wonder if you might be better saying that you think guys should be allowed to cry (I'd add women as well to deflect attention from the underlying meaning) - you could say openly that guys could cry in front of you without fear of being judged or embarrassment. You could add that you believe crying is health (which I honestly think it is), how most people feel better after a good cry. You might have to be more open about your own crying habits. You might have to cry more openly, tears left to roll down cheeks than you have done before - got to practice what you preach. You could point out that most people cry, they just don't talk about it - I read something a while back that 75% (ish) of women have cried in the last month, rising to 90% (ish) in the last year. For males it's 35% (ish) in the last month and 60% (ish) in the last year. So, every third guy you meet has cried in the last month and more than half in the last year! But, yet ask them out right and guys never cry!!

I would generally be more open about crying (keeping the 'passion' side of things under wraps) and see what happens - it might be a case of slowly does it. Bring crying in general into the conversation. 

I think at the moment I could guarantee tears! Just get me on the right subject and boom! The tears come flooding in. There's part of me is very curious about how you would react in such a situation given that it does not come along too often - would it overwhelm you?

Anyway I've spent too much time on posts today... better go for now...    
 

Diana, it's been interesting and enlightening to read the posts in this thread -- the dialogue between you and tearhunter has given me a lot to think about with respect to my specific interests in crying the forms it could take in my life.

At this point, I feel like it's an aspect of my inner life that I want to keep private, but in the future I might feel differently.  

Incidentally, I happen to have this long-standing fantasy -- partially based on a real life experience -- that incorporates a number of the elements you discuss: strong eye contact, mutual tears, the expressed willingness to be vulnerable.

In the fantasy, I'm out for drinks with a group of work or grad school colleagues and end up getting into an intense conversation cute guy I don't know that well.  Eventually we start telling each other about our hometowns, childhood anecdotes, families, etc. and I look up and am surprised to find that his eyes are welling up with tears.  In a panic, say something like "Oh no.  I'm so sorry.  I didn't mean . . ."  But he smiles and says "No. It's okay," as a tear escapes his bottom eyelashes and falls down his cheeks.  

Then in a shaky voice with tears streaming down his face he starts to tell me about a sad incident from his past, pausing and looking down, when he needs to regain composure.  Listening to him talk, I feel overwhelmed with an unfamiliar combination of sadness, empathy, and gratitude and a few tears run down my cheeks as well.  After the story is finished, he wipes his blotchy cheeks and sniffles, looking at me expectantly,  Although I would normally be way to shy to even think contemplate doing this, I suddenly get up and hug him.  I feel him draw a shaky breath and I say "I'm so sorry that happened to you." He smiles though a fresh film of tears and says, "That's alright.  It actually feels really good to talk about it." I smile back and we probably instantly fall in love or something to that effect . . .

Anyway, it actually does feel really good to have a place to share and work through these ideas without feeling totally odd and out of place.  Thanks!          

Diana - I reckon it is possible for a guy to be comfortable crying in front of a woman and still to feel exposed and vulnerable. You used the words strength and confidence - they are not words that immediately sprang to mind but thinking about it yes it perhaps takes a strong character (in male terms) to be willing to go to a place that brings out those feelings and emotions - crying is not a weakness! (I'm going to get a banner with that slogan!) In terms of confidence, could this also be trust? I need to trust the person with my emotions to cry in front of them... it's like saying you are looking after my emotions, take care of them!

Crying with someone close is amazing I'd recommend it to anyone as a close bonding experience - as long as your not arguing and that's why you are both crying!! Interestingly Diana I do have fantasies where my wife is crying, some times where we are both crying. I think I remember you saying that although your husband does not cry much you have seen him cry before? Have you ever seen his tears running down his face? Has he allowed his tears to roll down his face unchecked? If you have seen him cry I thought you might have popped him into a fantasy or two?

If talking about sad crying is at odds with your personality, would talking about crying as I don't know some regular activity that keeps you light and energetic? I'm like this because I take time out to cry when I need too? 

With regard to your hurt friend, yes he probably did like being looked after. I think deep down every guy likes being looked after by a woman - and if they are attracted to them - wel!! I've been look after by a few hot nurses and doctors and I probably acted something similar to your friend

And yes a situation can exist where that can lead to crying. I was floored, could not walk, on a ton of very strong pain relief - you feel helpless, in pain, and yip emotional - in fact for me very emotional and its actual very common - I witnessed similarly injured guys cry - however I would not advise going down this route, because it hurts, a lot!! (I know you would not really)

When I asked if it would overwhelm you - what I was asking was that if you got just the right type of crying observation - the vulnerability the tears - the whole thing and more - would you get turned on and not be able to hide the fact you were seriously turned on! It's such a perfect moment, one you have been waiting years for and your living it!! 

If it was me and you cried I'd certainly be turned on at some level, I've discovered I can get turned on sexually even when I'm in a fairly dark place - weird I know!

Tristana - that sound like just about the perfect observation if I was the guy! For a story to move someone else to tears is very touching. It would be very powerful indeed if as you get up to hug the person you are crying - tears falling down your cheeks! And as the guy cries new tears you cry with him! Your probably right, you'd be in bed before you knew it  if you were both still in tears... that's incredible!

Such insight, Tearhunter.  Love how you said," I need to trust the person with my emotions to cry in front of them... it's like saying you are looking after my emotions, take care of them!"  Yes, just because a guy's open to crying does not diminish his sense of vulnerability!  He's just handing his emotions over to her and trusting her with them. 

I immediately tried fantasizing about my husband as soon as I read this post and realized I've been missing out!!!  Aww.  I guess I just had such a disconnect when it came to this fetish because he basically disapproves of it (thinks it's weird or somewhat off, although tolerates it) whereas the men in my fantasies either don't know about the fetish or think it's awesome.  But when I imagined him crying earlier, it was quite powerful -- surely because I really do know and love him.  But the only tears I've ever seen from him have been during relationship problems (including the making up parts).  Not going to wish for those, nor do I wish for something bad to happen that would make him cry, so I guess that (combined with his attitude toward my fetish) had kept him out of things.  Yes Tearhunter, I have seen tears run down his face unchecked, although it has been many years! 

Great suggestion to say that crying it out when I need to is what keeps me light and playful.

My friend's ribs hurt every time he laughed.  I believe they were just bruised.  So we were all hanging out and chatting in our usual way and suddenly he'd laugh at something and then immediately go "Ow" and bend over in pain.  Those little yelps of pain (little non tearful "cries", in a way) started to get to me and it blossomed from there!  I'm thinking maybe it could be expanded to things like... I dunno... headaches... asthma... nothing too serious, but situations where someone just needs to take it easy for a bit or isn't operating at 100% but is trying to carry on regardless... non-contagious situations, that is... I'm not interested in working in a hospital as a nurse, but it would be really nice to take care of more guys... hmm, I guess if I were more into the sports scene, there would inevitably be more injuries there... too bad I have so little interest in sports... could probably volunteer somewhere, though!!  Not a senior's home (too old), not a hospital (too germy, sometimes too serious)... hmm, I wonder what's left?  Maybe I'm just too picky, ack!!  Would be nice to focus on that though, and less on my crying fetish... seems more realistic somehow!!

Tearhunter, in answer to the "overwhelm" question, I think that in real life, if my fantasies did come true, I would end up being less turned on than I always assumed I would be (therefore easier to hide it), but I don't know.  I think it would have to be long and drawn out or quite intimate to REALLY get me going.  A few minutes of crying and then it's over and done with isn't that big a deal.  Sounds too quick.  Not too worried about that one.  But spending all afternoon with a fragile, continuously weepy kind of guy (ahhh!!), taking care of him, bonding intimately with him, hanging around on a couch or a bed, wiping his tears... at some point that would probably put me dangerously close to the edge... I mean, come on, I'm human, I can only take so much... then if you added on top of that that he already knew about the fetish and thought it was awesome or if he was getting turned on by his own vulnerability and wanted me to gently lead him into losing even more control... like pushing his buttons, so to speak... definitely... that would practically be giving me permission to get overwhelmed, though, so hey, why not?  Will probably never get to test these theories out, though!

EDIT:  Regarding your other post, yes, you're correct in saying that I'd like to witness other people go to this emotional place and that it is where I get my main interest from.  But I have enough interest in it that I can legitimately call it my own as well, I think.  I just sort of want it like a tool.  A tool that I can use if I choose.  I would like to be able to emote more strongly and more fully than I already do... not necessarily in front of people all the time but just to feel more alive... just to "feel" things more... I'm a lot in my head... the type of person who approaches things from a "thinking" perspective... I'm not afraid of feeling and emotions... just my natural default tendency to jump up into my head... being caught up in "feeling" the moment looks more fun sometimes...

I can't think offhand of when I've cried openly in public where there's several people seeing me cry, but you're right about acting classes... it's just one part of the overall picture, but if you find just the right class and don't have to be enrolled in a full acting program or need a bunch of pre-requisites to take it, that's probably the way to go.

I think I've kind of figured things out (finally)... live it out in real life simply by doing it myself... don't talk the talk unless you're willing to walk the walk, as the expression goes... then share it with others.. tell them how liberating and exciting it feels... be willing to demonstrate... and be willing to have fun or get serious, whichever the situation calls for... emote strongly and the universe will bring more strong emoters to you... that is my theory... they say like attracts like... so wish me luck!!!

Last edited by Diana (March 9, 2016 3:28 am)

Having been in a situation with a guy who is frequently weepy and out of control, I can tell you it isn't as fun as it sounds. My husband, back in the day, had very frequent panic attacks, complete with hysteria, and when that happened I was so focused on helping him relieve the pain I got absolutely NO joy out of it - in fact, toward the end when the attacks were coming roughly 3 times a week, I was so over the entire thing that I began resenting his loss of control. I've found that, while it's fun to imagine certain scenarios, when you're actually in them they're not nearly as enjoyable.