As she opens the door she responds. "After all you've seen from me, I hope someday you'll be able to be that open. Remember there would never be any judgement on my part. Honestly, I think I'd actually find it sweet." I am taken aback, I would have never expected a breakdown could be considered sweet, less from a strong, confident man. I keep her comment in my mind, trying to process and understand it.

As we choose our table and sit she decides to continue the conversation while we wait for our menus. "So enough about me and my problems for tonight. How's everything going on with you?" I think I know where this is going, unfortunately we are in a public place, even though she has seen me cry before, it was in the living room of my best friend's house and we were alone, even more, with no risk of anyone coming, but cry in a public place, potentially being seen by anyone, known or unknown, is definitely different.

I stay silent for a long two or so minutes, thinking if I'm ready to be this open with my beloved friend. I know she would never do anything to embarrass me or make me feel ashamed to insecure, still, the possibility of being seen is still daunting (even though I don't even live in this state).I gather the courage and break the silence: "Do you think this is a safe place to talk open and intimate? Do you think we should be in a more private place?" I look at her, willing to trust her, I tell myself in my mind that as long as I am with her, she won't do anything bad or expose me, I am gathering the courage to open up to her.

I wait for her decision...

She surprises me with her strong statement: "Well you took me out of my comfort zone by encouraging me to wear shorts in public and I fully trusted you so I'm hoping you can give me the same level of trust. You know I would never do anything intentionally to embarrass you."  I guess she is trying to encourage me to relax and lower my guard as she takes my right hand with her left hand.

I sigh, knowing she’s right even though I would rather not. I boost a moment of courage and start talking (starting is always the hardest part): “ I never talk about this, but I’m also having a hard time with my wife, even though I would never be with another woman because I love her, my work keeps me more busy than she’s willing to accept. She demands me more time and even tells me when she bursts that one day she’ll leave without notice, sometimes we have frictions and end up discussing over silly matters that I wouldn’t give much importance.” I stop talking, feeling my eyes slowly filling with tears (thinking of the possibility of losing the love of my life).

I discreetly look around to see if anyone is looking at us or near… I pull my beloved friend’s chair next to mine, trying to distract myself feeling her soft, silky thigh in my hand.

As I caress her thigh from the hem of her shorts to her knee and back up, she replies in a comforting tone: "I would never have guessed. All the times I've seen you two together you've always seemed very happy together."
I answer: "I love being with you and helping you through everything you're going through...don't get me wrong, but nowadays I have a bit more free time to do so if you hadn't noticed." I    hesitate to continue talking, I don’t want to cry there, but decide to trust in her (hope no one is around): "We've recently separated... Her decision." I can’t continue talking and holding my tears in my eyes.

She looks shocked as she say: "It never really dawned on me why you've had so much free time to be with me, which I really appreciate."

I don’t notice the waitress with our menus coming when my friend sends her back, thanking her, I guess she’s trying to avoid me being totally embarrassed  if I break down in front of her.

"I'm so sorry." My friend says in a comforting, even soothing voice as she rubs circles with her thumb on the back of my hand, never losing contact.

I start squeezing her quads and inner thigh fast as I let out a ragged breath and, with an unsteady voice accept: “I needed to let it out, I just didn’t want to accept it. I am playing strong and I feel frustrated and sad about this. I don’t want to burden you, even though you have seen me cry, if only once, I can’t say I’m used to it.” I feel a thin, burning tear start to crawl down the middle of each of my cheeks. I continue jiggling her thigh, trying not to bring my hands up and secretly hoping she wipes or kisses my tears.

As my tears slowly slide down my cheeks, I see her face in awe. She slowly brings both hands to my cheeks, cupping them tenderly and wiping my still falling tears with the pads of her soft, warm thumbs.

After wiping the first tears from my cheeks she says softly: "I'm so sorry for what you're going through. If I knew I wouldn't have burdened you so much with my problems."

I feel the instinct to look around to see if anyone else is seeing me cry (in any case I can’t complain as my (now) best friend allowed me to wipe and kiss her tears in public) but decide not to look too obvious.

I guess she notices I am a bit anxious, she whispers: "I hope I didn't embarrass you. Would you prefer to sneak away to somewhere more private?"

I, feeling extremely comforted by her silky hands wiping my tears, reply in the same intensity: “Do whatever you think is best, I trust you.” I say, putting all my trust in her, knowing that whatever she decides is what she thinks is  best for me.