May her mother rest in peace! I'm so sorry to hear such devastating news and it's a matter of great strengh to go through this but once the grief subsides, step by step she will get better and her joy for life will come back. You will also be able to find words of appreciation for being her pillar of strenght in times of need. You're a wonderfull boyfriend to have around, you should never forget this! May God bless you and help you !

your support and comments mean a lot guys they really do, much appreciated... 

flatter im 23 and my gf is 24, so yes we are young..

today has been hard yet again, but i had the day off work today, so i spent my day with her just generally trying to be there for her, i managed to get her to eat some toast, but its really a struggle, and one im struggling to cope with, but she knows i will always be there for her, and i will get her through this tough time.

inmyarms wrote:

Speaking as women i can tell you that the biggest mistake men make when comforting a woman is the idea of keepinga brave face for her. If you feel tears coming i promise you there is as comforting, truly consoling as when someone who loves you cries with you fit your suffering. There are no words and no embraces that will make her feel as loved and as supported as you crying with her. It goes so far to make one feel less alone. Your tears validate hers.

Otherwise keep up what you are doing. Grief is like childbirth. There is no way around it. Only through. And no one can stop it it helps to have a hand to squeeze while you scream.



Anyone who had grieved

Tears, my deepest sympathy to you and your Girlfriend - sorry life has been so tough lately.

I could not agree more with inmyarms post - don't be afraid or embarrased to cry with your Girlfriend or for her to see your tears rolling down your face (don't wipe them away). Being strong does not nessarily mean not showing emotion - extremely close bounds are forged when two people who love each other cry together in shared grief.

I have cried floods of tears many times at the same time as my wife has been crying countless tears. We have held each other tight while sobbing uncontrollably tears soaking each others shoulders - wiping each others tears from our faces. And each time it has been a mutal grieving process - and one which ultimately has help each of us in such a big way.

Being strong is not about holding your emotions in - its about sharing the grief and burden with the woman you love and that for me means sharing our tears together. It's a long and hard road but in my experience it's the best way.

My thoughts are with you both. 

tears: I went through a similar situation with my former boyfriend, now he is my husband. His dad died when he was 25.  I remember that no words could console him. He was just sad, sad in a different way your girlfriend is now, because he is not the tear-sheding and crying typ. Sometimes there are no words for such a situation, expecially when you are young. You didn't deal with death a lot which is good.
If you go the way together you come out stronger on the other side, there is an invisible bond between you which holds you together. It doesn't mean you are going to be together until the death does you part but it is something very special nobody can take from you both.
At that time I tried really hard to support my boyfriend, I tried to talk to him, sometimes we just sat together in silence, went for a walk, admired nature, and slowly but surely we rose up to the surface again.
The feeling never goes away completely but it becomes bearable, it is like you lose a part of your youth, your innocence. You lose something and get something back which makes you stronger, which lets you deal with life for the future.
I know that right now it is just words, but in a few weeks or months you can feel it.
One thing: nobody can tell you how long a mourning takes, people are different. If there is some progress, some change it is ok to mourn for a shorter or a longer time. If you and your girlfriend are stuck you should seek help. Not right now but somwhere in the future. Human nature is strong and I am always astonished what someone can endure.

flatter wrote:

tears: I went through a similar situation with my former boyfriend, now he is my husband. His dad died when he was 25.  I remember that no words could console him. He was just sad, sad in a different way your girlfriend is now, because he is not the tear-sheding and crying typ. Sometimes there are no words for such a situation, expecially when you are young. You didn't deal with death a lot which is good.
If you go the way together you come out stronger on the other side, there is an invisible bond between you which holds you together. It doesn't mean you are going to be together until the death does you part but it is something very special nobody can take from you both.
At that time I tried really hard to support my boyfriend, I tried to talk to him, sometimes we just sat together in silence, went for a walk, admired nature, and slowly but surely we rose up to the surface again.
The feeling never goes away completely but it becomes bearable, it is like you lose a part of your youth, your innocence. You lose something and get something back which makes you stronger, which lets you deal with life for the future.
I know that right now it is just words, but in a few weeks or months you can feel it.
One thing: nobody can tell you how long a mourning takes, people are different. If there is some progress, some change it is ok to mourn for a shorter or a longer time. If you and your girlfriend are stuck you should seek help. Not right now but somwhere in the future. Human nature is strong and I am always astonished what someone can endure.

Schön gesprochen, flatter.

Last edited by meantangerine (December 20, 2013 2:22 am)