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January 22, 2014 2:57 am  #11


Re: Emotional Connections and Being Called Out

Inmyarms - That's a good point.  If he felt that way, that would kind of explain why he still wanted to be physically close to me but didn't want me to use that tone of voice.  Of course, I hope I didn't deligitimize his feelings, but I guess I don't know.

Reptongeek - I see.  I'm not sure if that's what he was doing exactly or not.  He was cool with talking about what happened, it was the way I was talking about it he didn't like.  Of course, he's refused to talk about problems before, too.  Usually the ones that are the most important to talk about.  So, that's a thing.

 

January 22, 2014 3:02 am  #12


Re: Emotional Connections and Being Called Out

punkchik, im sure he knows you didnt mean to deligitimize things for him. but sometimes when you feel crappy you just want to feel crappy. instead of reassuring him in such a situation, empathize. tell him things like "this must be so hard for you." or "im so sorry youre going through this", or "im in this with you".
like this he feels understood and comforted, without being told that its ok.it validates him.


Tears are the last gift of true love.
 

January 23, 2014 8:29 pm  #13


Re: Emotional Connections and Being Called Out

I understand, I have to be careful with my boyfriend because most of the time verbal comforting/soothing will just irritate him. It's hard for me to hold back at times, but I've gotten better at just holding him and running my hands through his hair the way he likes. On the other hand, I've had to teach him the best way to comfort me, which is to tell me that it's okay to be sad, cry, etc. Funny how people are so particular about what they need when they're upset.


It is such a secret place, the land of tears.
-- Antoine de Saint Exupery, "The Little Prince"
 

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