1 - TorNorth
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Feeling tearful today
Going through a particularly nasty patch. I'm on the coach right now, travelling long distance. I have felt the lump in my throat and heavy headed for quite some time. I finally went into the toilet to let it out, but nothing came. I've come back to my seat but I'm tearing up a little bit now. I had to use a tissue, though I'm not obviously crying. People will think I'm just blowing my nose. My chest is heavy. I think once I'm at home and on my own maybe I'll be able to release it. I definitely need it right now.
Ugly crying is pretty crying
- psychic_girl
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Re: Feeling tearful today
I would like you to talk more about it..
''I like crying. And now I not only wanna cry and show my crying to other people, I wanna just split myself down the middle and open my guts and just throw everything out!''
Woody Harrelson
- TorNorth
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Re: Feeling tearful today
I'm going to withhold the causes for the time being. I feel like I'm about to lose my mind. I probably will, if this situation carries on. There's been many situations in the recent past when I felt helpless, but this has got to be the worst so far.
I'm sitting here, occasionally running my fingers over my eyes. It just looks like I'm a tired passenger, but it's little bits of tears that I'm wiping off. I'd really love to get off this bus right now.
Last edited by TorNorth (September 15, 2017 9:11 pm)
Ugly crying is pretty crying
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Thread Starter- meantangerine
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Re: Feeling tearful today
I'm sorry, TN. I hope the situation gets better soon, and you're able to have the release you need.
It is such a secret place, the land of tears.
-- Antoine de Saint Exupery, "The Little Prince"
- caircair
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Re: Feeling tearful today
I'll keep you in my thoughts. Hope everything resolves quickly in your favor!
"We have our stalking memories, and they will demand their rightful tears."
Anonymous
- flatter
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Re: Feeling tearful today
I can feel with you! It is not easy to let "it" happen after holding back the tears for such a long time. The environment in a coach is not helping to let out those tears not being used to them anymore and afterwards the feeling is gone. I hope you are able to release the pressure!
- tearhunter
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Re: Feeling tearful today
Hey TorNorth, really sorry your going through a rough time - sounds like you really needed to be in a place where you could let yourself cry and not be stuck on a bus! Were you able to find a quiet time when you got home to let your emotions out? I know crying does not come easy for you but I hope you were able to let a few tears go and it helped. Crying does not fix your problems and does not always make you feel immediately better but I firmly believe it helps more than bottling it up.
Always here if you need to chat.
Take Care
- TorNorth
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Re: Feeling tearful today
I cried in little trickles through much of last night. It was mostly shakey breaths and gasps. Occasionally I would cried a little harder which brought expressions on the face, including the lip curling a little bit. During one small moment my lip did a proper curl as I let out a sob. I shed some tears last night, though I'm just not a teary crier it seems. The ones that fell went into the pillow or stopped on my face - the rest just smeared on my lashes until I wiped them. There were times when I'd have my hand on my forehead, face crunched up and lips pressed together - then I'd take a shakey breath and rub my eyes.
My emotions feel like a very slow-thawing glacier. It wants to get out but at the same time it's stuck. Perhaps if the problem blows over the relief would help thaw it. I'm very much in fight mode right now.
Incidentally, yes I did film myself at one point during the night. Don't know if that trivialises the situation or not - but even in all this misery I was curious about my own crying.
Ugly crying is pretty crying
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Thread Starter- caircair
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Re: Feeling tearful today
You are describing how I've been feeling the last few weeks with all the stress in my life. I want to cry in huge, sobbing gasps, but can't seem to get it out.
I finally was able to do that a couple days ago when I lost my work lanyard, which had the keys to my file cabinets at work. I obsessive-thought-ed myself into a panic attack, thinking my boss would be horribly angry/disappointed/upset with me, and I can't BEAR to have anyone be unhappy with me. (It all goes back to growing up - when my mother was upset with me her wrath was a thing to be feared, so I spent all my time making sure she was placated. As a result, I live my life making sure everyone else is happy/content/placated and live in terror of that ever changing.)
The panic attack seems to have cleared out a lot of the anxiety I was feeling, so I'm calmer now. Things are still in a mess, but the future is looking a bit brighter.
"We have our stalking memories, and they will demand their rightful tears."
Anonymous
- psychic_girl
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Re: Feeling tearful today
I'm really sorry you're going through a rough time and i think i can relate to your internal conflict. Some things cannot burn up all of the sudden, they just corrode and linger. I really can't tell if crying makes one feel better such as alleviating the sorrow. I think it helps us purge negative emotion but the process takes longer at times and there're more aspects to it then it's possible to acknowledge. Whatever reason there is I'm glad there are people here that respect our emotions, cherish them and we can feel free to talk them out. To me this means so much more because this is a place where there's no judgement and no actual misunderstanding as there's in real life and I'm happy i can also talk to men about thei feeling at ease disclosing their inner life and needing to cry at times...
Last edited by psychic_girl (September 16, 2017 4:34 pm)
''I like crying. And now I not only wanna cry and show my crying to other people, I wanna just split myself down the middle and open my guts and just throw everything out!''
Woody Harrelson