Welcome Laurie, I’m glad you decided to join, I’m sure you’ll find support and understanding here, you can feel like home in this community. By the way, your description of your own crying is beautiful.

I am eager to reading your obs, by the way, you mention crying in front of your boyfriend, yet, you’d rather not, does he comfort you when you cry in front of him? Do you allow your tears to fall in front of him?

Nice start, seems he is very kind and affectionate, for him to have the initiative to wipe your tears so early in the relationship. So, I know it can be embarrassing to cry in front of something, specially the first time, did you like the feeling (or the fact, even if secretly) that he wiped your tears? How did he react when you told him to stop?

I find kind of weird that the first time you cried in front of him you allowed him to see your tear streaked face and now that you have been with him longer, you hide your face from him.

Well, hope to read from you soon, enjoy the holidays.

Last edited by Amans lacrimae (December 26, 2018 4:03 pm)

Yes, I do, which is exactly why this fetish has been so confusing for me. My problem is that I've never climaxed to anything that is not related to the fetish, so this leaves me confused whether I can have a normal sexual life. I have gotten aroused by normal sexual stuff, but not to that extent. I know life is long and I'll probably figure myself out. I've read that arousal comes from subconscious associations in our minds, and that sometimes people develop fetishes like that, if a partner does something or dresses a certain way during sexual activity, the person starts finding that thing or behavior arousing. So I'm currently trying to build these associations in my mind for vanilla stuff, and hopefully I can teach myself to like it. I don't think I would mind having that kink otherwise, because it's fairly harmless. 

Sure. I really didn't know I had a fetish until I was 19 years old. I knew I felt very awkward for the most part when someone was crying around me. Most of my observations have been with my mother and grandmother. Usually I associated their crying with trouble for me, because when it happened it was either because me or someone else in the family has pushed them over the edge and I was afraid when it happened. When I was 18 to 19 I saw some girl at school hugging another girl and comforting her while she was crying and I remember I thought it was very sweet and thought how I'm always too awkward to comfort anybody. When my best friend was tearing up when we were graduating, I thought I'd try it and gave her a hug and it kind of felt nice to not be so awkward and inadequate when someone was crying for once. Since then I started getting dreams of my friend or other random girls crying and I felt something in the dreams, but I didn't really figure out what that feeling was.
Then I went away from home, went to university and I met my first boyfriend. It was not a proper relationship by any standard, the guy barely cared about me but I cared about him. He was a generous partner in bed, but it didn't do much for me. I felt arousal when we were kissing but I never got to an orgasm with him. Our relationship didn't last long, then I got together with my second boyfriend, and again, sex was not working out for me. It made me feel an emotional connection and I enjoy pleasing him, but I don't orgasm.
Then the way I found out about my fetish was kind of silly. I was playing a computer game, and in the game there would occassionally be some run down villages, and when you pass through them, there are sometimes women sitting near the roadside crying. The sound effect was pretty over the top and terrible, but I'd hear crying and I would go around and explore, trying to find the crying woman. By that point I realized I was feeling some weird interest for the crying women. So I was still not sure why but decided to go on youtube and look for crying sound effects and videos. I started realizing then there was some sexual aspect to it for me and then I successfully masturbated for the first time. Since then I have been noticing crying and my body has been reacting to it way more than before.
So I do feel this fetish is messing with my personal life a bit, because I want a fulfilling sexual experience with my boyfriend. He really almost never cries and if he did, I don't think he'd necessarily be comfortable with me behaving in a sexual way, so I need to find a way around this.
I have felt arousal at kissing and just random affectionate things, so I hope I can find a way to seperate this kink from sexual experiences in my mind.