1 of 1- andjyx
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Self obs with a guy friend
Something like a week ago, i went to hang out with a guy friend who confessed to me some days prior that he’s in love with me. He’s 5 years younger than me, and although i also kind of developed a crush on him (which lasted for only maybe 5 days), i wasn’t up for abandoning my serious and loving relationship; that, and the huge year gap were crucial for that decision. The night already fell and we were sitting on a bench in a park. I tried implying that he should try and move on from me because nothing is going to happen between us any sooner, and i realized that he grew more and more sad as the conversation went on. I realized how hopeful he was that maybe we could get together. But i’ve made my decision and it made him so sad that he literally transferred that energy onto me. I felt his sadness inside me, i felt bad for making someone who i grew attached to as a little brother feel so down and lifeless, and i also grew afraid of losing him because of the circumstances. I was trying to hold my tears back because he saw that i was about to cry and he said something along the lines of “please don’t”. I really couldn’t take it anymore and began sobbing while burying my face in my hands. To my absolute SHOCK, he hadn’t moved an inch. He literally didn’t even look at me, put his hand on my shoulder or say anything, which honestly made me feel awkward for crying in front of him in the first place so i abruptly stopped. I got teary a few times after but that’s about it. I literally could not believe that a guy had the chance to comfort the girl he’s in love with, who felt close enough to him to show him her weak side and he literally does not even say a single word of comfort to her, let alone give her a hug. No wonder i abruptly stopped crushing on him…really made me feel bad for ever showing him my weakness for him (as a friend, before all) in the first place.
- Amans lacrimae
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Re: Self obs with a guy friend
I am in shock, how could he say he was in love with you, yet you sobbed in front of him and he didn't even bother to hold you in his arms, let alone take care of your tears. If I may say, I see the gesture of wiping the other's tears not exclusive to a romantic relationship, I wipe tears from several female friends, who happen to look for me to cry to. A couple even said they love how I comfort them, so I assume, either the hug or wiping her tears is what they love when I comfort.
That said, that confirmed he was definitely not for you.
- andjyx
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Re: Self obs with a guy friend
Amans lacrimae wrote:
I am in shock, how could he say he was in love with you, yet you sobbed in front of him and he didn't even bother to hold you in his arms, let alone take care of your tears. If I may say, I see the gesture of wiping the other's tears not exclusive to a romantic relationship, I wipe tears from several female friends, who happen to look for me to cry to. A couple even said they love how I comfort them, so I assume, either the hug or wiping her tears is what they love when I comfort.
That said, that confirmed he was definitely not for you.
Tell me about it. I’m shocked all over again here just looking back at that night. I definitely would not want a man (and he definitely is still a kid, proven by his obviously poor reactions to one’s emotions) who reacts that way to me crying. I wouldn’t even want a close friend like that, and i considered him my little brother. Sadly that drew me apart from him a lot emotionally. If he was to cry in front of me, i would not let go of him until he shed the last tear, and i would make sure i wipe every single one. Hell i would probably start crying too!
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Thread Starter- Amans lacrimae
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Re: Self obs with a guy friend
Tell me about it. I’m shocked all over again here just looking back at that night. I definitely would not want a man (and he definitely is still a kid, proven by his obviously poor reactions to one’s emotions) who reacts that way to me crying. I wouldn’t even want a close friend like that, and i considered him my little brother. Sadly that drew me apart from him a lot emotionally. If he was to cry in front of me, i would not let go of him until he shed the last tear, and i would make sure i wipe every single one. Hell i would probably start crying too!
On second thought, do you think there is a possibility he froze in shock seeing you cry? When I was in my teens I remember I was extremely introvert and shy, and I froze when I thought I was to tell a girl I liked her, I honestly never could, I would freeze. So if he is 16 (you said he is 5 years younger than you), I would, at least, give him the benefit of doubt.
I would personally (at least in the way I have been for the last 20 years, I am not that old by the way) would not let you sob with your hands on your face without at least rubbing your back, soothing your hair and tried to wipe your tears (it would depend on you if you put resistance or not on removing your hands from your face).
- andjyx
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Re: Self obs with a guy friend
Tell me about it. I’m shocked all over again here just looking back at that night. I definitely would not want a man (and he definitely is still a kid, proven by his obviously poor reactions to one’s emotions) who reacts that way to me crying. I wouldn’t even want a close friend like that, and i considered him my little brother. Sadly that drew me apart from him a lot emotionally. If he was to cry in front of me, i would not let go of him until he shed the last tear, and i would make sure i wipe every single one. Hell i would probably start crying too!
On second thought, do you think there is a possibility he froze in shock seeing you cry? When I was in my teens I remember I was extremely introvert and shy, and I froze when I thought I was to tell a girl I liked her, I honestly never could, I would freeze. So if he is 16 (you said he is 5 years younger than you), I would, at least, give him the benefit of doubt.
I would personally (at least in the way I have been for the last 20 years, I am not that old by the way) would not let you sob with your hands on your face without at least rubbing your back, soothing your hair and tried to wipe your tears (it would depend on you if you put resistance or not on removing your hands from your face).
Now that you mention it, it probably could be. I think that the reason behind him asking me not to cry was because he knew he couldn’t handle seeing me that way. I never said he was completely cold hearted when i started crying; i could feel that it touched him, its just his lack of reaction that hurt me.
I also remember him talking about how he isn’t really a huggable person and how when he does hug with people, its usually short and lame. He even said that he’s a horrible hugger lol (but he did say that i’m the only person he actually makes effort to give good hugs to). That could lead us to the conclusion that his social/emotional skills are still to be developed, and that he was moved by my tears, he just didn’t quite figure out how he “should” react in that moment. Btw he turned 17 in May but its not a crucial difference.
Hey, you’re one of a kind. I’ve had a boyfriend who would sometimes get literally pissed when i cried and wouldn’t even touch me. Its like he chose when its okay for me to cry and when its not. He even looked at his phone once when i cried into his shoulder because I was upset over a fight with a friend. So you, my friend, are a true gem. I don’t even blame this guy for his lack of reaction when i had someone who would make me feel even worse when i’m already feeling bad for whatever reason, like that ex.
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Thread Starter- Amans lacrimae
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Re: Self obs with a guy friend
Now that you mention it, it probably could be. I think that the reason behind him asking me not to cry was because he knew he couldn’t handle seeing me that way. I never said he was completely cold hearted when i started crying; i could feel that it touched him, its just his lack of reaction that hurt me.
I also remember him talking about how he isn’t really a huggable person and how when he does hug with people, its usually short and lame. He even said that he’s a horrible hugger lol (but he did say that i’m the only person he actually makes effort to give good hugs to). That could lead us to the conclusion that his social/emotional skills are still to be developed, and that he was moved by my tears, he just didn’t quite figure out how he “should” react in that moment. Btw he turned 17 in May but its not a crucial difference.
Hey, you’re one of a kind. I’ve had a boyfriend who would sometimes get literally pissed when i cried and wouldn’t even touch me. Its like he chose when its okay for me to cry and when its not. He even looked at his phone once when i cried into his shoulder because I was upset over a fight with a friend. So you, my friend, are a true gem. I don’t even blame this guy for his lack of reaction when i had someone who would make me feel even worse when i’m already feeling bad for whatever reason, like that ex.
So,his attitude being finally understood, when/if you decide to allow him to get close to you, guide him, kind of like a walkthrough (I would have loved if someone did to me, considering my condition, I have Asperger). If you ever cry in front of him, proactively hug him, take his hand and guide it to your cheeks wiping your tears, I am pretty sure he will: 1. Know what you expect/like and 2. Gather the courage of knowing he won't be rejected if he tries to do it again.